


Hogwarts Amicitia

by starknstars



Series: Fanfiction With Charlie. [1]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Wizarding World - Fandom, hogwarts - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Arguing, Battle of Hogwarts, Bi-Sexual, Book 7: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, DA - Freeform, Draco Malfoy - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Family, Fighting, Five Stages of Grief, Friends to family, Gay, Grief/Mourning, Gryffindor, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hogwarts, Horcruxes, Hufflepuff, Hurt/Comfort, Inequality, M/M, Muggleborns, Multi, OCs - Freeform, On the Run, Other, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, The boy who lived, The power of friendship, Wizarding World Of Harry Potter, death?, dumbledores army, follows closely as it can to canon, ginny weasley - Freeform, neville longbottom - Freeform, sex references, the weasleys - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2018-12-02 16:25:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 66,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11513079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starknstars/pseuds/starknstars
Summary: When the wizarding world is torn apart by war and devastation, four close friends must rely on each other and the greater good to see them through the dark times. With magic and friendship as their only weapons, the Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor take on what will be the most frightening year of their lives.





	1. Chapter One: Ahar

**Author's Note:**

> this is a co written OC AU fanfiction, it tries to follow canon as close as possible, there are slip ups which we are sorry for, regardless, we hope you enjoy regardless.
> 
> originally posted on QUOTEV but i'm so proud i thought i share it here...

When a day ends particularly terribly, it is often hard to remember that as it began, you had no idea it would turn out in such an awful way. August 1st, 1997, is one of those days for me, though I remember it all so very clearly. My summer internship before my final year of Hogwarts had lead me to one of the topmost floors of the ministry, where the tall, blue-tinted glass windows looked out over the vast city of London. ‘The Department of Muggle Relations’. It was my father, Sahir Das, who had granted me internship here in the hopes that watching him in his workplace would inspire me to follow in his footsteps. He himself was a high-ranking ministry official; a well-respected, intelligent, powerful wizard who had earned many an accommodation for his inter-personal skills regarding muggles and how well he could interact with them. It was a role I had always admired him for, ever since I was young, and especially after I had begun to join him in his work.

One summer – the one before I left for my first year of school – my father had put down his Daily Prophet and studied me from across the kitchen table. My little brother Saamir and I were flicking cereal at each other. Neither of us had noticed my father watching, as we were far too busy giggling and trying to catch one another, when my father cleared his throat. Instantly, we both looked up. Our spoons clattered back in to our bowls.  
“Ahar.” He said.  
“Yes, father?” I replied, anxiety twisting my gut. Knowing I had just been behaving childishly made me feel guilty. Even at age eleven, I hated to disappoint my father. His approval meant very much to me – it always had.  
“I think it’s time you joined me at work.”  
My brother and I exchanged confused looks.  
“But father,” I began, tilting my head slightly in confusion, “I’m only eleven. I’ve not even started school yet. Surely the ministry won’t need me for any of their roles!”  
He and my mother exchanged knowing smiles.  
“Ahar,” his eyes gleamed with the excitement he could hardly contain, “We won’t be working at the ministry.”

That was six years ago, now. Perhaps even longer ago than that. I remember that summer so fondly, as it was the summer I met one of my dearest friends. Natasha Donnelly. My father had the job of visiting muggleborn wizards and witches, whom had no knowledge of magic, to inform them and their families of their magical abilities. That summer, my father was assigned Natasha. So, I went with him to meet her. I couldn’t tell you what was more amusing… Watching her discover she was a witch, seeing her reaction to the magic my father performed for her, or our trip to Ollivanders. Surprisingly, my wand flew into my hand the moment I opened the door to the shop. Nobody even questioned whether or not it would be the wand for me. Poor Tasha tried several different wands of varying qualities before she found hers. Regardless, it was an amazing, important day for us both.

As I lounged back in my plush office chair I took out a small laminated piece of paper from my pocket. It was a photo Tasha had taken of us and our two other closest friends, Sebastian and Eleanor, at the Yule Ball. It didn’t move – apparently, she had taken it on a disposable camera. I found this hard to believe, as surely, she wouldn’t have been able to get the photos off of the camera had she disposed of it. Regardless, it was a wonderful photo of the four of us. As I studied it, I relaxed in the mid-afternoon sun streaming through the large windows. Those were the last peaceful moments I remember.

With a deafening crash, all eight of the windows’ glass smashed. It went skittering across the office, over the floor, furniture and workers alike. As I turned at the sound of the shattering, a large piece of glass caught the side of face, only just missing my eye. Blood dribbled from my brow as I studied the scene. People looked about in confusion, a few running from their desks to others who had been injured around them. There was no indication as to why what had just happened, happened. Suddenly, I remembered my gash and healed it with my wand. There – at least I wasn’t bleeding now. Someone called to me.  
“Ahar!” It was my father, running from his end of the department toward me, “Ahar, we need to-“  
He didn’t have the chance to finish his sentence. That’s when the screaming began. Through the smashed windows we could see dark, smoke-like figures darting about wildly. Dementors? No, no, they were too fast, too human-like to be dementors. I never had the chance to get a better look. My father grabbed my arm, and without warning, disapperated.

 

My stomach lurched as we landed in a heap in what appeared to be the fourth-floor bathroom, the ones in the Department of Magical Accountancy.  
“Father, what’s happening?” I turned to him. In the distance, we could still hear the screaming, accompanied every few seconds with loud crashes and bangs. I continued to stare at him, wide-eyed and baffled.  
“My son.” he whispered, taking my face in his hands. When he whispered you could really hear the traces of his Indian accent slipping through. “My boy, we are in danger. You must promise to do as I say. You-Know-Who is here, and if we fight him today, we will die. We will be smart. You will be smart, my smart boy. We go undercover, yes? And we will not let people get killed. We must be careful, yes?”  
“Yes.” I agreed solemly, nodding at my father. He’d been talking about this – You-Know-Who and his followers attacking… I guess I’d never believed it would really happen, until it did. But we had our plan, our own mission. We agreed my father would leave the bathroom first, to check that the conflict was still far off, then I would follow. There was only one thing left for me to do before then. I waited until my father left, then, I drew my wand, thought of my happiest memory, and closed my eyes.

 

‘My dear friends, the ministry has fallen to the one whom we do not name. I urge you all to realise that at this time, nowhere and no one is safe from his corruption and devastation. Brave, I insist you run, leaving behind no trace, until such a time it is safe for you to re-join our world. Ambitious, my advice to you is to regulate your choice of words and how you vocalise your opinions at this time. Loyal, I ask you to remain loyal not to people, but to your heart. My father and I will continue to work at the ministry, but we will never belong to the side of darkness. Stay safe, love always, Wit’

 

I watched as my patronus, a German Sheppard much like my childhood family dog, bounded out of the small bathroom window and in to the night. Once again, I took the laminated photo of myself and my friends out my pocket, considering how happy, how naïve we were then. When my father called my name, I stuffed it back into its place, knowing that from here on out we’d never been those same innocent kids again.


	2. Chapter One: Natasha

August. Always the time in every kid’s life, muggle or wizard, when the school nerves start to form creating a nervous flutter in your stomach. It’s just a month away till the next school year rolls around, no more hiding behind the blissful summer. Sighing I flopped onto my bed, school books lay scattered in unknown locations, and have been there since the start of summer. What good are books to someone who sucks; At. Every. Single. Bloody. Lesson. Well except for Herbology, but I don’t suppose there’s many ways one could fuck up potting plants, even if that person happens to be me. My room reflects me well, messy, untameable and unbelievably muggle. Sometimes I often reflect back to eleven-year-old me and wonder if they got it all wrong. There are times in myself where I am unsure if I’m cut out to be a witch, and then I remember I’m absolutely too lazy to go back to being a muggle. Now that I’m seventeen and able to do magic outside of Hogwarts, I find myself unable to not be around it. Want something to hold your bowl on snacks while binging a tv show? Not a problem, just a simple swish and flick and a quick, clear, mutter of ‘Wingardium Leviosa’ and the bowl is levitating right in perfect snacking reach! Honestly if I weren’t so shit at it half the time, I’d agree it was brilliant.

That brings me to now, it seems like an ordinary night, I lay slouched in my week old PJs, that are in a desperate need for a wash. My shoulder length red curly locks wild and tatty from not being brushed for days, my dark blue eyes blood shot from staying awake till the sun seeps through the gap in the curtains. I had my muggle laptop open on tumblr and Spotify blurring through my headphones. Now, I know what you’re thinking, ‘what a tramp!’ - but honestly give me a break! Do you even realise the hell I go through a Hogwarts? An ENTIRE school year without internet. You’d think some old wizard somewhere would have figured out how to get magic to work with muggle stuff - but then again, with the disgusting attitude wizards have towards us muggleborns it makes sense. Huffing, out loud, I turned my music up and stroked my ginger cat, Crumbs, that lay next to me purring peacefully.

With the calming atmosphere, my mind started to wonder about the only good thing awaiting me at Hogwarts. My friends, Ahar, Ellie, and Sebastian. If It weren’t for them I’d have no idea what I would do in the wizarding world. Ahar and I met way back before the first school year started, he was there watching me give poor Ollivander a heart attack as I took a good a half an hour to choose the right wand. You see, his father was assigned to me and Ahar was there when I got the news about being a witch, obviously, I didn’t believe a word he said until my lounge couch was transfigured into a garden chair. Smiling to myself as I remembered, my thoughts drifted to Ellie.

Ellie has been with me through thick and thin, we instantly bonded way back in first year since we sat next to each other, my mind focused on a specific memory with Ellie, back in our third year when Snape, our unbearable potions teacher, had set us homework for a foot and a third long assignment on something to do with fungus or whatever. When Snape questioned why mine wasn’t the required length I replied with, ‘I have really small feet, sir’. This cracked Ellie up so much she turned purple from holding in laughter and eventually fainted. I don’t feel bad for it though as good ol’ Ellie saved the day as her fainting got me out of detention.

Finally, my mind wandered to Sebastian. We didn’t hit it off to begin with both of us become stereotypes of our houses. I felt threaten by his charm and felt like he was coming into my personal space, invading my friendship circle. Not to mention he originally went to the dreaded Durmstang. My defensive walls came crashing down when the secret softy came swooping in saving the day when some bastard tried to have a go at me for my blood status, knowing I couldn’t afford another incident or I’d be in serious trouble Sebastian sent Jinx’s flying there way, and took the blame for the black eye I already gave one of them. From then we hit off, and I learnt I was being more than stupid for not trusting him sooner.

Nearly dosing off, my eyes snapped open when my bedroom was illuminated by the soft blue glow of the Patronus Charm. I watched as my cat hissed and tensed up at the sight of Ahar’s blue German Shepard. Quickly I slid my ear phones off and swung my legs over my bed ready to listen to what he had to say.

‘My dear friends, the ministry has fallen to the one whom we do not name.’

My stomach churned as I blinked stupidly at the blue dog. Vold— I mean he-who-shall-not b-e-named has taken over the ministry?! My fists clenched around my bed in anger as I took in this information, the sickening feeling becoming more dominant as Ahar went on.

‘I urge you all to realise that at this time, nowhere and no one is safe from his corruption and devastation. Brave, I insist you run, leaving behind no trace, until such a time it is safe for you to re-join our world.’

At his words, my ears started to ring. I sprang into action, still listening I messily threw my hair into a pony tail and I opened a large backpack and began to panic pack essentials. This is it. I’m going to die, I thought as I went into my bathroom, Leaving the door open so the patronus follows me.

‘Ambitious, my advice to you is to regulate your choice of words and how you vocalise your opinions at this time. Loyal, I ask you to remain loyal not to people, but to your heart. My father and I will continue to work at the ministry, but we will never belong to the side of darkness. Stay safe, love always, Wit’

With the final zip of my bag, I watched the patronus disappear before I ran down the stairs and stopped dead in my hurry when I saw my mother and father snuggling happily. Whipping out my wand I whispered the spell ‘Oblivate’ and watched slowly as my family forgot me.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I slipped into my coat, and out of the front door, careful not to disturb my parents, I felt around my coat pockets for my keys to lock up when my finger got a small paper cut, confused, I pulled out a bit of laminated paper, and choked out a sob at the sight of it. It was them, my friends, who I cared so dearly about, who I feared I’d never see again. Clutching the photo, I put my hood up, swung my back pack over my shoulder and let the tears splash down my cheeks. Little did I know that August the First would leave a new kind of nervousness in my stomach, school felt welcoming than the dread I was currently feeling, I set off to find a place to rest.

My mind was numb when I finally reached the bus stop. It was here where I’d lie tonight, not that I’d get any sleep. A owl hooted from above and a small note fluttered in my lap, the owl already gone before I could see who it was from I opened it up to see…

‘Remember to breath, be careful lion. Please note even in the darkest of times you are not, and never will be alone. —S’

I took in a deep breath. I never felt more alone in my life.


	3. Chapter One: Sebastian

Every day was the same. Nothing new ever happened now that grandma and I had settled into our life in England. England was calming compared to the stormy, snow-filled Russia. Not to forget Hogwarts, even in its state will be a relief compared to the disgusting Durmstang. However, I found myself wishing for something, anything, to happen. As even things I find the greatest of pleasure in, like dancing, was becoming dull as I sit in anticipation for September to roll around. I had a private sorting in Dumbledores office way back at the beginning of summer, and Ahar was correct I am a Slytherin. Originally, I had been more than excited to return to a place I already saw as home. Ever since the annual triwizard tournament and meeting a group of extraordinary people I soon grew to know as my close, and personal friends. I closed my eyes and let myself be filled with memories of each of them, Tasha, Ellie and Ahar. I stood tall, my stark pale skin glistened in the natural light of the moon, that was the only source of light filling in from the open window, as I gracefully danced to one of the classical tunes that Ellie had lent me last time I saw her. Dancing was a relief, a way I could express myself and my true feelings, I sometimes find it difficult expressing how I truly feel, unless it’s through anger. That’s what’s happened back in Durmstang. “Expelled for not following the rules.” Well rules are made to be broken are they not? (Especially ones against innocent muggles) Honestly, it’s a miracle my anger was mild. Well, that is if you count, one angry rant and a bunch of jinxed teachers’ mild…

Smirking I danced a little more, twirling spectacularly with the exact amount of grace and accuracy to glide around my room like a swan. My eyes stay closed for the majority of the Dance, but fluttered open when I noticed a welcoming blue glow seep through the open window and engulf my room. Letting a small, pleased smile play on my lips, I tucked a loose sliver hair behind my ear and watched as Ahar’s Petronus, a German Shepard, run around me as I continue to dance, only stopping to lower the music and then I close my eyes as I danced now to the sound of Ahar’s message:

‘My dear friends, the ministry has fallen to the one whom we do not name.’

My fist clenched and I bit my lip, to muffle an angry growl… I listened on, my dancing no longer as gracefully as it once was, yet I danced anyway.

‘I urge you all to realise that at this time, nowhere and no one is safe from his corruption and devastation. Brave, I insist you run, leaving behind no trace, until such a time it is safe for you to re-join our world.’

My heart pounded at the idea of Natasha in danger, and my dancing came to a halt. I stood aimlessly and hopelessly in the centre of my room and my heart dropped to my stomach as I listened to Ahar.

‘Ambitious, my advice to you is to regulate your choice of words and how you vocalise your opinions at this time.’

Despite myself, I still found myself laughing. Oh, he knew me too well. All I wanted to do was march over to the ministry and raise hell, but I knew this wasn’t child’s play and I must take his words seriously. Determined as ever I listened on. 

‘Loyal, I ask you to remain loyal not to people, but to your heart. My father and I will continue to work at the ministry, but we will never belong to the side of darkness. Stay safe, love always, Wit’

Sweet, sweet Ellie. Again, my heart pounded against my chest at the idea of my friends feeling hopeless. It was there and then I decided that the normality of everyday was about to change forever and little did I know I’d never be the same after Friday the first of August, 1997. The normal boring days filled with what seemed to be pointless and boring activities would turn into those I would crave forever.

I opened my eyes to watch the last of Ahar’s patronus disappear and that sight alone fell heavy on my heart, for I did not know when I would hear from him again. I stood in the centre of my room for what felt like years, letting the silence suffocate me as the ringing in my ears grew louder and louder, I let out a breath, and then another. I closed my eyes and then opened them; this time I stared at myself in the mirror. I took in every detail, from my shoulder length silver locks, my pale toned, yet lanky body and my piercing blue eyes, and if I focused enough I could see how they were welling with tears. I let my tears fall and I continued to watch myself for I knew from this day on I had to step up. I had to be strong and help those who needed me. The boy I stood looking at in the mirror may be one I recognised now, but if I survived this, he will be but a stranger.

The more I stared the more my fear and sadness grew into anger and the rage bursts out of me uncontrollably as I slam my hand on my wooden desk, hard. If it hurt I didn’t know as my gaze caught sight of the photo Natasha begged us to take. None of us had wanted to take it at the time, but never in my life have I been gladder to have a photo. Shakily I picked it up and stared at it, at them, my friends who were about to be forced into this madness. My friends who were just children. This was all so unfair! Angry tears splashed onto the picture but luckily Ahar had laminated it for us so it would not so easily be ruined. Sighing for the umpteenth time that night, I decided there’s no time to dwell on this, I will not shed tears for those radical bastards. Picking up a quill I wrote to Natasha first.

‘Remember to breath, be careful lion. Please note even in the darkest of times you are not, and never will be alone. —S’

Setting that to one side I wrote to Ellie next.

‘Remember the photo, sweet one, see you at Hogwarts, stay safe. —S’

I chose not to write to Ahar in fear of getting caught, and once my notes where giving to my owl Vox, I watched him fly until he was out of sight. I lay my head down to rest, I had the image still clutched close to me and tried to focus on happier memories, willing sleep to take over my exhausted mind.


	4. Chapter One: Eleanor

It must have been late evening when I found out. Like many evenings that summer, I was in my mother’s study, writing an essay, home alone aside from my little sister Elspeth. I’d put her to bed a few hours ago, as was often my duty, reading her a story from ‘The Tales of Beedle the Bard’. Of all the stories in the collection, ‘Babbity Rabbity and the Cackling Stump’ was her favourite. Though she was only five years old, I could already guess she would be a Slytherin should she go to Hogwarts, as she was rather mischievous and cunning. Oddly, she reminded me of my friend Sebastian Volkov. Even though he had only been sorted last term, after transferring to Hogwarts from Durmstrang, it hadn’t surprised me when I received a letter from him telling me had been sorted in to Slytherin. Sebastian was a remarkable wizard, full of ambition and pride. I’d be rather glad if Elspeth was as grand and noble a witch as he was a wizard.

 

Thinking of my friend made me smile, so I took the time to remember them and put down my quill. I picked out a comb from the desk draw and used it to tease my afro curls into a bun, fixing it in place with my wand. Another friend of mine, Natasha Donelly, had shown me many different braids I could try out on my hair, but I was rather useless at doing them myself. Natasha – or just Tasha, as we called her – was a comedic, clumsy, cheery Gryffindor I had befriended in my first year at Hogwarts. Our surnames (Donelly and Dubois) meant we often sat by each other in class. Not that we minded, by the end of our first week at school we’d formed a solid friendship over puns, baking and annoying Ahar, our Ravenclaw friend. Ahar Das was everything you would imagine a Ravenclaw to be; smart, witty, creative, but he also had a softer, more sensitive side that he kept for us girls. He and Tasha had known each other before starting Hogwarts, but that didn’t stop them from welcoming me into what became our close knit little circle. When Sebastian had arrived at Hogwarts with his former school during fourth year, we had been partnered up together as I was his orienteering buddy. At first, he had seemed intimidating and stand-offish, but soon we had bonded over a shared love of classical music. Ahar was delighted to speak with someone a little more academically minded, and even Tasha warmed up to him after he had defended her from a group of racist Durmstrang students mocking her for being muggleborn. Though it was sad when he had had to leave after the Triwizard tournament, we still saw him over school breaks. When he told us, he’d be joining us for seventh year, we couldn’t have been more excited.

My stream of thought was interrupted as I noticed a faint glow coming from one of my curtains. Perhaps mother and father were home early from their business meeting, and they were pulling the car in to the driveway? No, no, that couldn’t be right, they had taken the floo network, not the car. Now curious, I hopped to my feet and headed to the window. I pulled back the curtain, then grinned. Quickly, I hauled up the windowpane and watched as Ahar’s patronus, a German Sheppard, bounded through the window and ran circles around the study. Of all of my friends, I was the only one who could not cast a patronus yet, but it didn’t really bother me. I knew it would come at the right time. Giggling, I reached out and tapped its head, so it knew I was listening. Ahar was one of few magical people I knew who could cast a messenger patronus, and receiving one was always a delight. Well, it had been, until that day.  
‘My dear friends, the ministry has fallen to the one whom we do not name.’  
Instantly, my stomach sank. I sat down heavily in the study chair. You-Know-Who. Merlin, he’d finally succeeded. Obviously, I had known for a number of weeks now that this was coming – owls from Ahar and ‘The Daily Prophet’ had warned that he would return any day now – it had never felt all that real until Ahar’s voice sounded out across the quiet room. I forced myself to listen to the rest of his message.

 

‘I urge you all to realise that at this time, nowhere and no one is safe from his corruption and devastation. Brave, I insist you run, leaving behind no trace, until such a time it is safe for you to re-join our world. Ambitious, my advice to you is to regulate your choice of words and how you vocalise your opinions at this time.’

 

My heart clenched at the idea of Tasha on the run. Though she was a wonderful person, she wasn’t much of a talented witch. As far as I knew she still hadn’t quite mastered the art of potion making, nor had she quite the knack of general wand work. But, she was brave, Ahar was correct. Hopefully that would be enough to keep her safe until we could find a way to help her. Sebastian was less of a worry, so long as he kept his strong, pro-muggle views away from the ears of He Who Must Not Be Named. Although he could be hot headed, Sebastian was careful and calculated. I tried not to worry over him too much. If anything, he wouldn’t say or do anything that would put his grandmother at risk.

 

‘Loyal, I ask you to remain loyal not to people, but to your heart. My father and I will continue to work at the ministry, but we will never belong to the side of darkness. Stay safe, love always, Wit’

 

Loyal. That must be me. It was obvious Ahar had disguised our names from infiltration by addressing us as our school house traits. However, I still didn’t understand his message. Loyal to my heart? What was that supposed to mean? Ahar’s intelligence was a gift but it often meant I didn’t understand the metaphors he spoke in. As for he and his father continuing their work… Well, I tried not to think about it. Mr Das was extremely pro-muggle and worked as the head of ‘The Department of Muggle Relations’. I hoped that whatever they were planning to do, they would do it with upmost safety.

 

Only seconds later, just as the last glimmers of Ahar’s patronus were fading, a loud screech came from out of the window. Suddenly, a small silver owl shot through the study window. Vox – Sebastian’s owl. Carefully, I held out my arm, allowing him to perch upon it. Vox stuck out his leg and I unravelled the small note attached to it.

 

‘Remember the photo sweet one. See you at Hogwarts, stay safe. —S’

 

Despite all that I had just heard, I smiled slightly. From my purse, I pulled out the small laminated photo of myself and all three of my friends Tasha had had taken at the Yule Ball. Though I usually hated photographs of myself I loved this one, which we all had a copy of. It didn’t move, as it was taken on a muggle camera, but it was still the best photo in all the world. Gently, I kissed the top of each of my friend’s heads, before clutching it to my heart.

 

“Ellie? Pleures-tu?” My sister poked her head round the door. ‘Are you crying?’ she had asked, and only then had I noticed that tears were streaking down my face, and had been for the last five minutes.  
“Ne t'inquiète pas,” I forced myself to breathe steadily, as I told my sister not to worry, “Je suis d'accord!”  
She didn’t look convinced as I told her I was okay, so I walked over to her and scooped her up in my arms. Just for a moment, I buried my face in her own afro curls, breathing in her sweet scent of mango and mother’s French perfume.  
“Devons-nous lire Babbity Rabbity?” I asked her if we should read her favourite story, and as she cheered “Oui!” in approval, I ignored the pounding in my heart and carried her to her room. Together, we climbed into her bed and read and read until we both fell sound asleep.


	5. Chapter Two- Natasha

My backpack is strapped tightly to my back, my hair greasy and a mess. The bags under my eyes are so deep Tesco (a muggle store) would probably charge me 5 pence for them. I’ve hardly slept, as unsurprisingly the ground isn’t soft like the beds at Hogwarts… or home. It hurts to think about home. Can I even class them as my family anymore? I wonder what they’re up to now, while I’m here. My mind betrays me often when memories of my parents flood it, memories now only I have. I sigh, blinking rapidly as I ‘wake’. This is my new normal now. I brush the sleep out of my eyes and stand up off the hard, public bench, my eyes adjusting to the early morning light. With no need for hesitation, I set off for town centre.

Town centre is my new home, it’s where I live, eat, beg, piss and hide. That’s all I do; live in fear of one man, one simple man that’s turned my entire world upside down. I didn’t ask for this, you know? I would have been perfectly happy just being your average muggle. I’m a crap witch anyway. I find myself slipping out my wand and staring at it like it could solve all of life’s problems. I’m pathetic, I think harshly, before slipping in back inside the safety of my coat. My wand is the only thing I have to tie me to my witch heritage, other than my own knowledge of the Wizarding world. Without it and the occasional mutter of ‘lumos’ when it’s dark, I often believe I’ve dreamt the whole thing. Did I dream meeting Ahar and his family all those years ago? Did I dream of Hogwarts, Ellie, Sebastian… all of them? In the first few weeks of being on the streets I used to think I had made up being a witch to escape the boring life of a muggle, but the irony is, I’d give magic up forever to hear the sound of my parent’s voices again; I’d give up being witch if it meant I could be normal again.  
My eyes now alert I skim the early morning crowd, both of my hands in my pockets, left hand clenched tightly to my wand. My body language must scream suspicious to anyone who looks but I can’t help it. After all, it’s not every day your average seventeen-year-old is on the run from rage-filled, magic duelling racists, now is it? Keeping my left hand in my pocket, I use my right to clench my backpack tightly - I cannot afford to lose it.

Okay, so here’s the plan: First, I need food. As much as Ellie would hate me for it, I’m going to steal it, but only because it’s essential and I’ve no other way of paying. The grumbling of my stomach is driving me insane. Second, check the news. I’ve completely lost track of the date and time, since I only come into the town centre a few times a week, when my body’s begging me to fulfil its needs – it’s important to avoid suspicion. Third, empty my bladder in the disgusting, grime-filled, public bathroom. Lastly, wash and freshen up. You’re probably thinking, ‘how are you going to do that?’, but if Ahar and Sebastian have taught me anything - granted it’s not much looking at my poor magic abilities - it’s to spend my money wisely. Therefore, I spent my remaining pounds on cheap soap, and two in one shampoo and conditioner… Which us muggles all know is a scam, but a girls got a do what a girls got to do in a time of need. I took a deep breath and sprung in to action.

I walk in to the first news agents I see and head straight for the back corner. Sebastian once told me that muggle corner shops can be stupid, as the corner is always a blind spot on cameras. Merlin, that was a piece of information I never thought I’d need to use… I glance at the person managing the till and find them preoccupied with someone on the phone. I let out a fearful sigh, and in one quick motion I let my right hand swing my backpack down, unzipping it with my now wandless left hand, and stuff as much food as I can in it. I swung it back onto my back then glanced back at the man. I let out a relieved breath when I realised I had somehow successfully gone unseen. As I made the way out, I took a muggle paper and make a run for it.

I ran until my lungs could no longer handle it and stopped, sliding down a random shop wall until my arse hit the floor. I let my breath catch up to me before glancing at the paper, to my surprise I found that it was September first. My traitorous mind instantly began remembering the years I had to get on the Hogwarts express this date. Little eleven-year-old me, in my new robes accompanied by Ahar and his family; Ahar and I sitting in the last compartment of the train, him comforting a nervous me. The next year, a twelve-year-old me whom was far more confident, kissing my mum on the cheek before catching up to Ahar and slipping though the barrier, meeting up with our new friend Ellie. A blissful sigh left my lips as I remembered the good times that came from Hogwarts. I’ve spend many years of my life cursing being a witch, now more than ever. However, without it I wouldn’t have the greatest friends in the world.

The thought of my friends caused determination to thrive through me once again. The reason I am fighting is because I know, no matter the strength of my abilities, they value me as a witch. I know that my blood status would never mean anything to them; I’ll always be the same old Natasha. That’s something volde— you-know-who, will never have or take away from me and other muggleborns, and with my new-found determination I set off to finish the rest of my plan, feeling less like death. A new plan was forming in my head. Instead of moping, I was going to do something. I’m not going to sit here a be the helpless muggleborn He wants me to be. It’s time to stand up and be proud of who I am, which requires me to use magic. My eyebrows furrow and I smirk. Next stop, Diagon Alley.


	6. Chapter Two- Eleanor

From the moment that I stepped through the barrier, platform 9¾ was noticeably different. Every year before now walking in to the platform was like walking in to a sort of carnival. People would be crowded up and down, kissing parents’ goodbye, chasing pets in to their cages, setting off miniature explosions at every turn. On September 1st, 1997, there was no such jovial behaviour. For a start, the platform looked two-thirds emptier than it ever had in all the years I’d been coming here. I know it shouldn’t have been a surprise – what with the ministry banning muggleborns from entry or re-entry – but it was eerie and disconcerting all the same. A handful of families stood about, huddled close to each other and talking in whispers. One woman was sobbing gently as her husband prised their daughter from her arms and lifted her on to the train, though he himself had tears rolling down his cheeks. The sight made me feel sick to my stomach, so I turned away quickly, watching as my own parents and Elspeth appeared through the barrier.  
“Ma mère?” Elspeth cried out suddenly at the sight of the dreary platform, making grabbing motions at our mother. Gently, mother gathered her in to her arms and held her close, hushing her and rubbing her back in a soothing way. If I were seven, not seventeen, I would be clinging to mother in a similar fashion. Instead, I helped my father lift my trunk from the trolley cart to the back of the train.

Together, we shunted it in to the back corner, near the other seventh years. There were so few there… It was alarming, really. When I stood up, my father caught my arm.  
“Eleanor,” he whispered. His eyes flashed with… Fear. My father, afraid. He was never afraid.  
“Oui, papa?” I asked, as he ushered me in to the corner of the trunk carriage. It was dark and cramped, but I held my breath and tried to make room for us both.  
“We are been living here for sixteen years, my daughter,” my father said quietly, his French accent perforating his words, “we live here when the French Magic Organisation accuse your mother of being a deatheater.”  
“Oui, papa.” I frowned slightly. I was rather confused – neither of my parents ever spoke of their life in France, and scarcely did they mention the reason we had moved. When he-who-shall-not-be-named was last at large, my mother had been accused of being an active follower of his. The trial had lasted months, apparently. She was found not at fault, of course, she had only been acting under the influence of an imperious curse. But still they were estranged and ostracized by their community, so much so that they moved to England for a fresh start.  
“Eleanor… You keep your head down. You do the rules. You do as you are told to do. You must stay safe, Eleanor. Do you hear my words?” he couldn’t meet my eyes, but the panic in his voice was so prominent I nodded straight away.  
“Of course, papa,” I kissed his cheek and hugged him tight, wrapping my fingers in his dreadlocks, “J’adore tu, papa.”  
“I love you too, Eleanor.” He held me tight, then released me with a firm pat on the back. We re-joined mother and Elspeth on the platform.

“Ellie!” Elspeth cheered as she saw me emerge. Mother had done a fine job of cheering her up now, so I twirled her around when I reached her. My robes billowed out around us and we giggled together. Momentarily, I forgot that this was a year that would be entirely different to all those that came before. I gave Elspeth a light peck on the nose, then straightened out her bright yellow robes as I knelt down to her height. They made me smile, as she had chosen them to look like me. We both mad matching hairstyles, too, with our afro curls pulled into two little buns. Merlin, I’d miss her.  
“Goodbye, goodbye!” She kissed my nose in return, then hugged me. When she let me go, I stood once again and hugged my mother.  
“Fais attention, Eleanor.” She murmured quietly in my ear. ‘Be safe, Eleanor’. I gave them all once last wave, then hopped on the train and headed for the 6th carriage, where Sebastian and I agreed to meet.

“Seb?” I called to him quietly through the compartment window. I didn’t want to make him jump – he was staring out of the window, transfixed on something. Without looking at me, he waved me in with one hand. With a grunt, I shunted the door back and shimmied in to the compartment. As I shut it behind me, Sebastian spoke.  
“Who is your father talking to?” He asked with a raised brow, his Russian accent thick. Sebastian’s English was very good indeed, even though it was his second language. He also looked rather dashing in his new school robes – though he had a habit of looking dashing in almost everything.  
“My mother?” I tilted my head at Sebastian as I stored my satchel in the overhead compartment, then rooting in it for the two cauldron cakes I’d packed for the journey. Natasha’s recipe. I smiled as I got them out and placed one in front of us each.  
“No, a man.” Sebastian pointed in the direction he was looking. I too, looked out of the window. What I saw lodged stones in my stomach.  
“That’s Alecto Carrow,” I murmured, pressing my face up to the glass. A deatheater. An actual convicted murderer, deatheater. In broad daylight. Shaking hands with my father. My father, shaking hands with a deatheater.  
“Who?” Sebastian asked. Initially, I was surprised he didn’t know who the Carrows were – notoriously evil murderous sister and brother. But, Russia had very little to do with you-know-who and those dark days, so I suppose it made sense.  
“Alecto, and his sister Amycus, they are rather big supporters of you-know-who.” I explained in a low whisper. I saw his fists clench under the table.  
“Then why does your father speak to him?” Sebastian narrowed his eyebrows as we watched my family disappear back through the barrier.  
“I… I don’t know.” I shook my head and unfolded my arms. When Sebastian finally looked away from the window, his shoulders relaxed a bit.  
“I’m sure he has a good reason,” he reassured me, giving my hand an awkward squeeze (Sebastian wasn’t the best with affection or reassuring people), “But anyway, Ellie, I have good news! There’s something we can do to help!”


	7. Chapter Two- Sebastian

September first. The start of a hellish year at Hogwarts. Ever since arriving here I felt the warmth and safety that surrounded it, and now that’s replaced by fake smiles and a chilling atmosphere. I knew instantly when stepping onto platform 9 and three quarters that this year would be one to remember for all the wrong reasons. The normal buzzing warm atmosphere that the platform usually had was completely erased by the now dark and gloomy faces of parents and students alike. Not to mention the blatantly obvious lack of muggleborns. I stepped inside the Hogwarts express walking past the carriages, hardly making a sound thanks to dancing. That’s when I heard three familiar voices, the saviours friends. Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom. Ginny and Neville spoke in hush whispers, while Luna had seemingly no care in the world, choosing to speak in her normal, care free, soft tone. Listening some more I heard snippets of what they were saying. Weasley said,  
“We need to train more. We need to be able to be there for Harry and the others.” This intrigued me, I strained my ears desperate to hear more, this time it was Neville whom I heard.  
“Let’s plan to start up the DA again.” The three of them nodded and before they could find out I’d had been ears dropping I slid away into my own compartment, awaiting Ellie.

I chose to watch the remaining students from the window spotting Ellie fairly quickly and it wasn’t long till she joined me, though my eyes didn’t leave her father, when I noticed him talking to a convicted deatheather. Later conversation with Ellie confirmed my suspicions and I decided to keep an eye out on him, thought Ellie didn’t need to listen to my woes and worries. I’ll owl Ahar later. Desperately wanting to change the subject I decided to let Ellie in on what I’ve over heard.  
“But anyway Ellie, there’s good news, there’s something we can do to help!” I smirked, eyes flashing with glee and mischief. Ellie looked a me unsure and a little confused, so I elaborated.  
“There’s this rebel group, known as the DA.”  
“DA?” She asked, looking at me with soft saddened eyes, but a knowing smile. This confused me but I chose to ignore it. I shrugged,  
“I'm unsure of what it stands for, so far I’ve come up with… defence army, duty allegiance, though they don’t seem quite right.” Ellie gave a snort at my suggestions, but looked up at me wary,  
“I don’t know Seb…”  
I crossed my arms over my chest, and gave sharp glare. “This way we can help, Eleanor.” My Russian accent lay thick when I spoke, my emotions running wild. “Think of Natasha.” While I admit watching Ellie’s eyes widen, and her twitch nervously, made me deeply uncomfortable I have to remember, the sorting hat didn’t put me in Slytherin for nothing. Despite my emotional hit at Ellie she gave me a determined glare, trying to reason with me.  
“Find out all the details, and be careful Sebastian. You don’t even know what ‘DA’ stands for!” I stare at her taking in her advice, before nodding my eyes now flashing with determination.  
“I’ll get back to you little one.”  
The rest of the train ride was filled with a comfortable silence as I thought over my plan. By the time we reached Hogsmeade station, I knew I had to speak to lovegood, longbottom, and girl-Weasley. Stepping off the Hogwarts express, I kissed Ellie’s cheek and bid my goodbyes.

Scouting around I looked for The famous flaming hair of a Weasley, which wasn’t hard to find. I trudged behind them, eventually getting to the carriages, that are led by a invisible force. Ahar and myself have shared many theory’s about what pulls the carriage, our last theory was a ghost horse, though Ellie and Natasha found that ridiculous. The trio got into the last carriage and before it could take off I sat myself next to Ginny. She and Neville shared awkward glances but Luna gave me a smile. After five minutes of awkward silence I broke it muttering, “I want in.”

 

Neville flustered and looked alarmed at Ginny, who tensed. Luna nodded eagerly. Ginny whipped her head to glare at me, her fiery locks reminding me of how I miss Natasha dearly. Ginny replied fiercely,  
“How do you know?!” Just as I opened my mouth to reply Luna spoke again, in her soft care-free voice.  
“Isn’t it obvious. Sebastian overheard us on the train. I think we should let him.” She’d smiled, Ginny’s hand clenched.  
“How can we trust you?” She sneered, to which Neville added, “you’re a Slytherin!”  
I gave them a blank stare. “I am Sebastian Volkov, hard working and devoted student. You two are quick to judge me for my house but I am proud to be a Slytherin, regardless of it’s stereotypes. You two judge me before even knowing me. I’m half blood, previously from Drumstang. I’m at Hogwarts because I chose to speak up for muggleborns despite the rules. I want in on the DA, not because I want to turn you in but because I care for the wellbeing of muggleborns. I do not care what happens to the likes of you, like me or hate me, I need to do what I can to ensure the safety of my friends.”

 

Luna gave a small but deserved clap, Neville nodded, yet the Weasley didn’t know what to say. The carriage drove in silence before stopping at Hogwarts, and before I could leave Ginny grabbed my arm, pulled me back and whispered. “You’re in but I want proof, the safety of my friends-“ she looked at Neville and Luna before speaking again, “-are important to me too.” I gave her a nod, my eyes filled with determination as I went to join my house. The normally joy-filled first feast of Hogwarts was uncharacteristically gloomy and hushed. Most unsurprisingly, my house was the loudest, Dumbledores absence more obvious than a giant red X. I scribbled a note to Ahar, careful to use our secret code, as I’d never forgive myself if he got in trouble. I told him about the DA, Ellie’s parents and asked him of Natasha. The idea of her out there simply crushed my heart to a stop, after the feast I gave the note to my owl, knowing it could get it to Ahar speedily. I now lay waiting anxiously for a reply.


	8. Chapter Two- Ahar

“Das!” A loud voice barked, making me jump so hard it sent my ink well flying. With a quick wave of my wand I made the spilled ink crawl back from the desk and in to the well once again. I stood quickly, flattening out my dark blue kurta dress. Though a few people raised eyebrows at me when I dressed in it, I loved my kurta. To me it didn’t matter that I had been born and raised in England – I loved to wear the traditional dress of my father’s home country, India. I loved that it made us look ever more alike, and I know he liked that too.  
“Where are those papers, Das? I wanted those thirty minutes ago. We have a fresh mudblood in for questioning, with nothing to question her about.” It was Andreas Goyle, the father of my former classmate Gregory Goyle. His racist language continued to make me flinch and I tried not to show my disgust. Pretending to be one of them – the racist, elitist, disgusting bastards that had taken over the ministry in the last month – was exhaustingly difficult. But, it was important to. Without a moment’s more hesitation I picked up the papers I had been organising and handed them over.  
“Sorry, Sir, I wanted to make sure the research I was doing was… Fully efficient.” I lied smoothly.  
“You’ll get to see for yourself whether you’ve succeeded or not, Das,” Andreas raised an eyebrow and gestured for me to follow him, “You’re watching the interrogation.”  
My stomach sank as I followed him, shoving my hands deeply into the pockets of my kurta dress. As I passed the door, an older looking witch passed me a pile of mail. Instantly, I recognised Sebastian’s handwriting on the topmost envelop. Heart thudding, I shoved them all into my pocket and focused on the task at hand.

It was when we rounded the corner that I temporarily lost focus.

Stood at the end of the corridor was a short, stout girl with think curly red hair, and what could only be a Gryffindor Quidditch jumper. My knees went weak before I felt myself collapsing to them. Merlin, no, it couldn’t be. Not her. Anyone but her.  
“Natasha!” I called out desperately, even though I felt as if someone had kicked all the air out of my lungs. Everyone in the corridor to turned to look at me, including the redheaded girl. Yaxley had a tight hold of her upper arm and was tugging her along beside him, but I had the chance to catch the briefest glance of her. Thank Merlin. The girl had deep brown eyes where Natasha had light blue, and was absolutely smothered in freckles, whereas Natasha had very few herself. Relief flooded my body and I had the sense to stand up.  
“What in the name of Bathilda Bagshot are you doing, Das?” Andreas Goyle hissed at me, tugging me up roughly.  
“Sorry,” I apologised, falsely of course, watching as not-Natasha was pulled forcefully in to the interrogation room, “I remembered I needed to send an owl to my Aunt Natasha, in India, it’s rather urgent.” Goyle just sneered at me and continued walking to the interrogation room himself.  
“Well, it’ll have to wait!” he snapped, and I agreed solemnly. Together, we walked in to the already cramped interrogation hall.

The red-headed Gryffindor surprised me by not struggling or squirming against Yaxley’s firm and unforgiving grip. We watched as he tied her arms tightly to the chair, and she held her head up in pride despite her compromised potions.  
“Melody McCarter?” the judge read out from a scroll of parchment, flashing a wide grin full of blackened teeth at the room.  
“Yes, your honour.” The girl confirmed with a smile of gritted teeth, her face burning red through the mountains of freckles that covered it.  
“Third year Gryffindor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?” He read from the parchment again, his disgusting grin only faltering a little.  
“Yes, your honour.” Melody confirmed again. I felt my fists clench, and my jaw set itself. Thirteen, I thought, only thirteen and on trial.  
“Accused of being the mudblood daughter of Adam and Claire McCarter – how do you testify?” The vile judge smirked at her. To my surprise, she smirked back.  
“Guilty and proud, your honour!” She cheered, whilst the whole interrogation room erupted in to a chaos of booing and hissing, with jeers and insults being thrown at the poor girl left, right and centre. Across the room my father and I caught eyes, and in a single look I could see him pleading for me not to say or do anything that could make it seem as if I sympathised with the girl. Hiding among these racists during our mission made me feel uncomfortable; I slid back a bit, withdrawing myself in to the shadows.

“Take her away!” The judge ordered and was received with a cheer, as poor, young Melody was removed from the chair and half carried, half dragged from the room to the holding cells in the bottom most floor of the ministry. My heart ached for her, such an innocent girl. As young as my own kid brother, Saamir. I looked over at my father again, and I could tell from the way he was studying the ground at his feet he was thinking of Saamir as well.  
‘We can help her!’ I thought to myself as I exited the room once again with Andreas Goyle, trying to relieve myself of the guilt rotting in my stomach, ‘We can help her’.  
At least I knew I was right about that. With my father and I holding up such good disguise we had been using my father’s position to smuggle out captured muggleborns and hold them in the safe house that was my home. Already we had two young muggleborns living with us – a twelve-year-old Hufflepuff, and a fifteen-year-old Slytherin. To avoid suspicion my father had enchanted two ghouls to sit in their cells and mock their appearances and crying, and I knew he had a third lined up for the next evacuation. I just hoped that Melody would be okay for now… So much of her reminded me of Natasha, it hurt to see her be treated in such an awful way. Whilst I knew nothing of the real Natasha’s location, I at least knew she wasn’t in a cell at the bottom of the ministry.

When I was back at my desk in the office, with a fresh load of paperwork piled up in front of me, I took out Sebastian’s short letter and unravelled it.  
‘10/15/9/14/5/4 18/5/2/5/12 7/18/15/21/16  
23/15/18/18/9/4 1/2/15/21/20 5 16/1/18/5/14/20/19  
14/5/23/19 1/2/15/21/20 14?  
19/20/1/25 19/1/6/5’  
Despite myself, I grinned. To any other person this would look like a bunch of random numbers, perhaps the code or password for one thing or another. But, Sebastian and I knew better. Ever since fourth year, when he had been an exchange student at Hogwarts, Sebastian and I would use alphabet to number code to pass secret notes in class, notes not even Natasha or Eleanor understood. Each number corresponded to a letter in the alphabet, for example: A would be 1, B would be 2, C would be 3, and so on and so forth until Z would be 26. Using our old code to avoid suspicion was such an intelligent move and I found myself wishing I congratulate Sebastian. However, there was no time for praise. Quickly, I de-coded the letter.  
‘JOINED REBEL GROUP  
WORRIED ABOUT E PARENTS  
NEWS ABOUT N?  
STAY SAFE’  
That boy, honestly… First day of term and he’d already joined a rebel group. Yet again I found myself wishing I could congratulate him on his intuition. It made me happy to hear someone else – or a group of someone’s – were out there working hard for the cause. I did stop to wonder what he was worried about in regards to Ellie’s parents. Mr and Mrs Dubois were both purebloods, and not very political either away, so there seemed no real reason to worry. But, I would see if I could find anything out, if only to put Sebastian and Ellie’s minds at rest. Not wanting to waste any more time I wrote back.  
‘NO NEWS ON N  
WILL CHECK E PARENTS  
STAY SAFE’  
In minutes I had translated in back in to code, attached it to one of the ministry owls and told it to head for Hogwarts. As I watched it fly away I felt a pang of envy – I would give anything to fly that freely.


	9. Chapter Three - Eleanor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're so sorry Chapter Three was so super late! But, it's a super long one to make up for it! We wanted to show you this, the amazing drawing Sinead made of our characters one summer sleepover. Happier times occurred for these guys, some of which will be reflected over next chapter. Until next time!
> 
> Charlie The Ravenclaw x
> 
> (PS: If you're looking for more works to read between updates of Hogwarts Amicitia, Check out my story 'Hogwarts Dose of Bad Luck'!) — story on Quotev

On October 28th 1997, I couldn’t have been happier to be packing my small rucksack with a handful of essential items. After a (literally) torturous two months at the new Hogwarts, I was so glad to hear my weekend leave to my family’s annual Halloween Ball had been permitted. Though it would only be a three-day break from the depressing and desperate atmosphere that had descended over Hogwarts, it was very much needed… Merlin, it was absolutely dire here. Every day a little first year would arrive back in Hufflepuff common room, screaming in pain and staining the yellow sofa cushions red with blood. Mostly, I kept myself to myself. Whenever one of the Carrows walked by I’d keep my head down. On one bizarre and frightening occasion, the girl one, Amycus, told me to send her regards to my father. Aside from that, I’d been lucky in that I had not had a single run in with either of the Carrows, nor Snape… But there again, I hardly even saw him swanning around the corridors these days. Others – especially the Gryffindors, and half-bloods – were far less lucky.

 

“You’re really leaving?” I heard from behind me. Quickly, I turned around.  
“Yes,” I answered. Across the room from me stood Sefina. Sefina Toloa-Moa! Merlin.  
“But I only just arrived.” She frowned, folding her arms over her chest, obviously hurt.  
“It’s only for the weekend, and besides, I didn’t think you had - I thought-” I dropped my voice in case anyone was listening in, “- I thought you had gone back to America - to Ilvermorny!”  
Sefina Toloa-Moa was a Hawaiian witch who grew up moving about the pacific islands with her family of pure-blooded witches and wizards. When she turned eleven, she had started Hogwarts school instead of Ilvermorny, wishing not to be so near her family and their reputation for elitism. When she had been sorted in to Hufflepuff… Well, that’s when I met her. She sat beside me, gave me a buck-toothed grin and shook my hand across Hufflepuff table, fresh off the sorting hat stool. I should’ve known then what I know now.  
“No.” She shook her head, “I would never leave Hogwarts.”  
Something silent passed between us, and I allowed my shoulders to relax.  
“So, you will be back?” She asked as she crossed the room. We stood a metre apart.  
“Of course.” I nodded. I watched as her eyes scanned my face for any lies hidden in my words, but, true to my house, I was being honest.  
“I’m glad I’m back, Ellie.”  
“I’m glad you’re back, too, Seff.”  
Suddenly, she took my free hand (the one not holding my rucksack) and gave it a gentle squeeze. For a moment, I thought she was going to say something, actually say something. Tell me where she’d been. Tell me why she went. Tell me why she hadn’t sent me a single letter all summer, let alone all term. But she didn’t. So, I squeezed her hand back, let it go, then left.

 

Soon, I was crossing the courtyard to the gates, permission slip from Professor Snape tucked tightly in my fist. Though I was somewhat pleased to be leaving, I still felt as if part of me were up in that dormitory with Sefina still. Sefina. Merlin, I had missed her. Yet I couldn’t help but feel the anger and frustration and bitterness left over from summer well up in my chest. Just the touch of her hand on mine sent memories coursing through my head from last term. Touching her hands, her arms, her face… Her lips. Kissing her. Kissing her in dark corners, kissing her by the window while Hannah Abbot and Susan Bones slept. Touching her hand beneath the desk in Divination with Trelawny babbling on about some prophecy or another, or at a Quidditch match as we cheered on our team, hands clasped in the air. Of course, we had never been anything official. Only Sebastian knew what was truly going on between us. Only Sebastian knew she had left me on Platform 9¾ last term… And that I hadn’t heard from her since. As I passed through the wrought iron gates, I tried to shake the thought of her skin, her previously absent skin, against mine.

 

“Ellie!” A voice thick with a Russian accent called out to me. I grinned and turned around, thankful to see Sebastian only a short 50 yards from me. Without hesitation, I ran towards him and threw my arms around his neck.  
“You’re allowed to go?” I shrieked, maybe a little too loudly, but I honestly couldn’t help it. With Sebastian’s behaviour and need to rebel against almost everything the Carrow’s did, I couldn’t believe he was also being permitted time off.  
“Mr Das managed me a favour!” He laughed softly in to my hair, then once I let her go, he showed me a permission slip signed by Ahar’s father. That man. I swear he was invincible.  
“Go Mr Das!” I whooped, laughing too. I couldn’t help it. Though we were only just out of Hogwarts, I already felt so much better for it.  
“We need to hurry, we’ll miss the train!” Sebastian warned. We took off at a sprint (or at least I did – Sebastian jogged beside me because I am not much of a runner) and continued cheering all the way through the gloomy and depressing streets of Hogsmeade. I shut my eyes, just for a minute, and with the air rushing around me as my chubby legs pounded my feet against the ground, I could almost imagine Natasha and Ahar running beside us. Sebastian reached the train far before I did, and so he helped lift me on as I panted. I sat by the door for a moment, wiping sweat from my forehead.  
“You okay Ellie?” Sebastian asked, his voice full of concern. I gave him a weak smile,  
“For now? Yeah. I’m okay.”  
“Good,” he replied, then pulled me to my feet, “because there’s something we need to talk about.”

 

After we had shown our tickets to the conductor, Sebastian and I found ourselves a quiet compartment in which to sit. The train had many, as scarcely anyone was on the train during term time. When the train began to peel away from Hogsmeade station, Sebastian drew the blinds down and cast a silencing spell on the door, so nobody could listen in. We kept our voices to a close whisper, regardless. You never knew who could be listening in these days.  
“I wanted to ask you when you were planning on joining Dumbledore’s Army?” He asked abruptly, and it took my better sense not to sigh. Dumbledore’s Army was an organisation that mostly Gryffindors, but other students too, had started. Sebastian was it’s only Slytherin member, but that didn’t deter him from joining. As a group, they were working against the new regimes of Hogwarts by standing up to the Carrows. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.  
“I don’t know, Seb, I mean…” I ran a hand back through my thick curls, “It’s really dangerous, and- “  
“These are dangerous times, Ellie!” He interrupted, slamming a hand against the table, “Danger is no objection, we have to do what’s right!”  
“Don’t you think doing what’s right is just… Keeping safe? Keeping our families’ safe?” I mumbled, drumming my nails against the table and avoiding his accusative glares. Sebastian was rarely mad at me – much more often Ahar, or even Natasha. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.  
“What about Natasha?” He spat back. Instantly, I felt a fire ignite in my stomach. I stopped drumming the table and slapped my hand down as he had done.  
“Natasha won’t thank you for getting yourself hurt, Seb! Or worse! Killed!” I almost shouted, only just remembering to keep my voice down. He didn’t reply after that; I had won the argument for now. For the rest of the journey we sat in silence, only occasionally making comments on the view or what we were wearing to my family’s Halloween Ball on Sunday. At least we’d see Ahar. He’d fix everything, I was sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to add again, I'm super sorry for the delay, it's mostly my fault as I had a few technical difficulties. Hope you enjoyed the update regardless! — Sinead.


	10. Chapter Three - Natasha

Panting, my hands resting on my knees as I look at the door which lead to the leaky cauldron. One entire month it took me to get here and never in my life have I been more pleased to see the sleazy old wizard pub that guards Diagon ally. Slipping inside my eyes searched my surroundings wearily, though I had nothing to be afraid of here, since it was holiday season and the pub was filled to the brim with witches and wizards of every sort. I decided to rest, as hitchhiking to London while looking like this take a lot out of you; the knight bus was most certainly too risky so I had no other choice.

I got the first proper glance at myself in the dim restroom, my hair, God, it was an absolute mess. It was a grease filled tangled birds nest… I hated it. I’m not usually one to loathe my appearance, I know I’m not a goddess but I’m definitely okay for me, but as I stare at myself in the mirror I can’t help but resent my now shabby, dirty, appearance. There was simply no time to wash or stop along the way I knew I had to get here some how and quick before the holiday passes. It’s time for a change I thought, pulling out a comb from backpack along with a pair of scissors. Taking a deep breath I achingly combed through my mistreated hair. A short while later my hair went from a tangled mess to a thick, puffy bush. I picked up the scissors and carefully chopped a good portion of my hair off, leaving it a almost perfect cut that fell just above my shoulders. I smiled at my appearance when I caught look of the finished product. It’s way more practical than the long annoyance that lay useless on the floor of the restroom.

I did the rest of the business that I needed to do in the restroom and left, still carefully watching to make sure I’m not found out. I headed for the muggleborn entrance and gasped, just as I did all those years ago when I first arrived here. The magic took my breath away and brought a smile to my face, good God I missed this, magic, people, my own kind! Though the once joyful ally did look a little dull in comparison to all the other years, but that was not that surprising given the situation. I walked with a spring in my step off to the bank to exchange muggle money to wizard when a familiar arm grabbed me and pulled me to a private crooked dead end. 

“Sebastian!” I breathed out, turning to look at him with a relived smile, but upon further I noticed he didn’t return it. Instead I was met by a worried, furious glare.  
“глупая девчонка! Do. Not. Make. A. Sound… Look, and listen!” He whisper shouted. Ever more confused I followed his line of sight and was what I saw brought a deep, chill down my spine. 

Only meters away, one glance away stood two, hard, mean looking snatchers. They stood together, searching and sniffing the air, one evening going so far to lick their chapped lips. They were discussing something but I could only hear snippets.  
“… One of the mudbloods was ‘ere, scents in the air.” They sniffed.  
“Female one, witch from the ‘leaky saw her…” and then he pulled out a lock of my chopped off hair and presented it to the other, they sniffed again.   
“They do stink the place out, don’t they, those filthy little things...” he grumbled while Sebastian and I watched in horror.   
“Let’s try over ‘ere!” And then as fast as they came they where gone. I turned to Sebastian, but he slammed me against the wall, holding a finger to my mouth.  
“What do you think you are doing endangering yourself like that глупая девчонка!” His eyes flashed red as he ranted on, slipping in to Russian as he so often did when he was angry, or afraid, “You are a muggle born, Natasha! How can we keep you safe if you go running around looking to get caught? Not only did you cut your hair - and leave it - which is dangerous for not only them catching your scent, but poly juice potion!” He stepped away from me, taking a deep breath. Then, he turned to face away from my trembling self, he spoke one last time.  
“You, little duck, need to go, far, from here and do not, ever, return until the war is over. Nat… if we loose you, imagine what it would do to them! You are dear to me, to Ahar to Ellie. Never treat your life this worthless again because someday you won’t have one!”  
I tried to speak, but he shushed me harshly, still not looking and left me again, alone.

I stayed in the same spot for a good half an hour, Sebastian’s words cutting deep. I-I just didn’t think — 'you never do', a voice added in my head. Sighing I left the spot and went out into the exposed open ally, my optimism diminished. I turned to leave the ally, taking Sebastian’s advice to leave this place. God knows why I thought it be a fucking good idea to come here, when I’m supposed to be on the bloody run! Suddenly on the way to the brick opening that led back to the pub, I felt a familiar sniff on my neck, and my stomach dropped as I took off in a sprint. The two snatchers from before surprising healthy enough to catch up with me. Their mouths grumbling insults as I twisted and turned down unknown ally ways. Where will I go from here? Hell, only Merlin knows. I’ve spoken often about normality and how each month since this whole mess my life has taken a drastic turn, and I’ve become comfortable with my new normal. I’m done with that. I’m done with running, I-I can’t take this shit. I didn’t ask for it! My lungs now filled with fire as I ran, the metallic taste of blood become more saturated with every sharp breath. 

Remembering Sebastian’s words, I kept running.


	11. Chapter Three - Sebastian

October was a month usually filled with anticipation for the weekend away from Hogwarts, yet all the previous years felt childish in comparison to the relief that flooded my body and soul when I got the clear to leave this time around. A whole weekend away from the dark, gloomy and depressing atmosphere. Hogwarts always felt like a home away from home, yet day in day out I have to sit through classes that are strict, controlling and better yet let’s not forget that half of my class is missing due to racism. However, pushing the war to the back of my mind I remember that I’ll get to see my babushka. To say I’ve missed my grandmother is an understatement, she’s old but oddly charming not to mention has more sass than merlin himself, hell she’d probably just say ‘no!’ to Voldemort and he’d back down… chuckling I packed up my remaining necessities and headed to find Ellie. I had something important to tell her.

I’m now officially the only Slytherin in Dumbledore’s Army. It was hard at first, if it weren’t for Lovegood and Longbottom I doubt the rest would trust me. Hardest of all was Ginny, she seemed so determined that I was spying but eventually I aided them towards their plan of stealing the sword of Gryffindor by keeping professor Snape at bay. From then forward practice took place every night we could, which for us older years seemed more daunting. Luckily for me Snape turned a blind eye to his own house, were basically free to do whatever. 

Upon finding Ellie, I greeted her excitedly. I could tell we were both relieved to board the train and watch as the melancholy blur of Hogwarts transform into a more hopeful green. I was quick to mention the DA, but was shut down quickly, again might I add, by Ellie. My patience is loosing thin. This is the fourth time since I joined that I’ve mentioned it to her, however as the conversation got more and more heated I couldn’t help but bring up Natasha. Unsuccessful, again, with aiding Ellie to join me in my cause. The rest of, what was supposed to be, a hope-filled, journey turned sour. Conversations between us kept light and harmless. The silence only fuelled my inner rage. I couldn’t understand why my friend couldn’t just join me. It’s next to no effort, joining the DA and while dangerous it will ultimately be rewarding when we aid our chosen saviour in the battle that will surely change the wizarding world forever.

Steaming, I got off the train at Kings Cross, begrudgingly said my goodbye to Ellie as we parted. I’m not usually one to stay angry at Ellie but she can make my blood boil in the worst of times. I stomped over to my babushka, and my anger diminished into nothing when I caught a glance at her warm, comforting smile. I was engulfed in a warming hug, that for once in my adolescence I didn't even shrug off. We linked arms, and talked quietly amongst ourselves, taking a quiet stroll to Diagon Ally since my babushka need to get a few things.

Once we arrived we parted ways to get the shopping done faster... Not that there were many places to shop. Half of Diagon Alley was shut down these dark days. After about ten minutes of mindless shopping, I spotted her. Natasha. Natasha, here at Diagon Ally. Without a second thought I snatched her arm and pulled away from the public eye. How could she be so stupid? Once we were out of view from the street I began to ridicule her, my rage from before building up as my body began to shake. I watched the hurt fill her eyes and I couldn’t take it no longer I turned away and spoke, calmer but the rage still very prominent.

“You, little duck, need to go, far, from here and do not, ever, return until the war is over. Nat… if we lost you, imagine what it would do to them! You’re dear to me, to Ahar, to Ellie. Never treat your life this worthless again, because someday you won’t have one!” She tried to speak up but I didn’t let her. I left, finding my grandmother quickly and found her talking to Ahar’s father. I felt my body flood with temporary relief when I saw him. Instantly, he guided me and my grandmother away, disapperating with us to my babbuska’s home.

My grandmother popped into the kitchen to give us some privacy. I sat opposite Ahar’s father, whom seemed to be deep in thought before speaking up.  
“Sebastian, my boy, Ahar has mentioned this DA to me many times, I’m thrilled to see some students haven’t given up hope and are fighting for a good cause.” He smiled at me, become continuing, “However… I can see the red flames of the anger radiating off you. You are a smart boy - a smart young man. Tell me, Sebastian, what’s bothering you?” His voice was so soft and comforting, my anger just came pouring out after being built up all day. Sighing, I took a huge breath and told him my reasonings.  
“There’s only so much one can do, with Ahar gone and working for you I’m the middle ground of the group! Ellie, Gods bless her, is being naïve about the whole Dumbledore's Army organisation. She won’t join, and gives me shit excuses every time as to why she wont. My anger stems from her refusal, she’s not telling me something, but I just don’t know what. On the other hand, there’s also Natasha. My worries about her are normal, I know; I assumed she was far, far away from wizard civilianisation. Yet, wouldn’t you have guessed, there she is! Strolling through the snatcher and pure blood supremacist filled Diagon Alley like it’s nothing!” My breathing was jagged when I finished, panting like a lunatic from sheer exhaustion.  
Ahar’s father looked sympathetic and smiled sadly at me,  
"My dear boy, these are dark times, I’m sorry that you have to deal with so many unfair issues and circumstances right now. Come, now. The Dubois Halloween family ball is only a few days away now. You will see Ahar and Ellie, and things will begin to look up." He stood and went to say goodbye to my babushka, leaving me to consider his advice.. 

A few days later I dressed in silver robes and stood in the fireplace. I too the flu to the Dubois family mansion, yet instantly regretted my decision. Deatheaters. They were everywhere, and no one seemed to be doing a thing about them. My eyes angrily scanned the room, where I caught sight of Ellie's mother. I hung back and watched her from the fireplace, seeing her chatting like old friends with none other than Bellatrix Lestrange. Just out the end of her sleeve I could see a suspiciously dark tattoo. If I was angry before, I was furious now. My mind jumped into action and I went to find Ahar. I need to talk to him, I knew my bad feeling about Ellie's parents weren’t just coincidence... I had to warn him.


	12. Chapter Three - Ahar

On my father’s instruction, I followed him across the room as he introduced himself and me to various important guests. Of all of the Dubois family Halloween Balls I had attended this was the gloomiest, yet most frightening. They had hardly bothered with decorations, but I suppose there is little need for them when your party guests are convicted deatheaters. That’s enough to scare the magic out of someone in itself. I grimaced each time I shook the hand of an evil witch or wizard whom I had seen on a ‘Wanted’ poster during my life – when I bowed to Bellatrix Lestrange herself, I almost threw up on her black gown. This seemed to go on forever until I finally excused myself from conversation with Lucius and Draco Malfoy, to catch Ellie’s little sister Elspeth as she ran for my arms.  
“Ahar!” She cheered, her previously glum face breaking into a grin bright enough to light the whole room. I picked her up with one arm, holding her to my chest.  
“Elsie-Elfie!” I spun her round, making her burst into a fresh peel of giggles and squeals, “What’s going on, my little elf?”  
“That’s Sessastian’s name for me!” She faked a pout, but then began giggling again. I could see through her smile she had lost a tooth, which was making her lisp. It reminded me of my brother, Saamir, and I couldn’t help but smile myself, “I’m six now!” she announced proudly. I gasped in fake-shock.  
“Six years old? Wow, you are getting grown up!” I cooed at her, and she nodded vigorously.  
“Soon I am going to be a big girl and go to Hogwarts, like Ellie and Tasha!” She announced proudly. I was about to hush her – announcing Natasha’s name, even shortened to Tasha, was risky enough to blow my cover entirely. But before I could, something – someone – caught her attention.  
“Sessastian!” She cheered and pointed across the room. Sure enough, Sebastian was walking through the door… With a face like thunder.

 

I crossed the room quickly, wanting to pull Sebastian aside before he could see the room, and the guests, properly. But, he was already marching in, wand out.  
“Sessastian!” Elspeth called again. Momentarily, Sebastian stopped to look around. As he caught sight of myself and Elspeth, she wriggled free of my arms and ran to him instead. Though I could tell he was still deeply angry, he seemed to push it aside for the little six-year-old.  
“My little Elfie!” he purred in his thick Russian accent. It really hit me then how much, how deeply I had missed him. As he twirled Elspeth this way and that, before using his wand to send a dash of silver sparks to dance around her curly head, I wished I could reach out to him and hold him tight. Watching him with Elspeth always reminded me that beneath his stoic exterior, he was soft and full of heart. Merlin. I had really, really missed him. For a while, the two of us took it in turns to dance with Elspeth… I tried not to be jealous that she so obviously preferred to dance with Sebastian – he was, after all, trained in dance. Eventually, she grew tired, and sloped off towards a soft couch in the corner of the small ballroom to lie down.  
“We need to talk,” Sebastian growled at me, all traces of a smile erased from his face. I nodded, and we made our way down the corridor to an empty cloakroom. Once inside, he shut the door and cast a silencing spell upon it. Sebastian was a talented wizard, particularly with Charms, so I knew it would be a strong one.

 

“Do you want to tell me again there is no cause for worry about Eleanor’s parents?” he hissed, gesturing at the door, “Because they seemed to have made buddies with a bunch of race supremacists!”  
“Calm down,” I told him, glancing worriedly at the door, “Getting angry isn’t going to solve anything, now, is it?”  
“Getting angry isn’t going to solve anything, is it?” he mocked me in frustration. It was a voice I was somewhat used to hearing. Whenever a teacher would praise me in class during our fourth year – the year Sebastian was with us – I would thank them. ‘Thank you, Professor’ he’d mimic in a high-pitched voice. Tonight, was different, though. There was nothing jovial about his tone of voice.  
“You need to shut up, Sebastian, now,” I spoke through my teeth, clenching my fists, “If anyone hears you, we are in unknown levels of dragon dung.”  
"First Natasha, now you..." He shook his head and began to pace the room.   
"What do you mean? What's Tasha got to do with this?" I asked, feeling my heartbeat quicken it's pace, as it so often did as I thought of Natasha on the run.  
“You both ignored my warnings!” He narrowed his eyebrows at me, “You told me there was no. Cause. For. Worry!” He emphasised with each word. I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration.  
“I didn’t know, Seb. Merlin, do you think I wouldn’t have told you?” I sighed, running a hand through my limp brown hair, “Do you think Ellie wouldn’t have told you?” That at least stumped him for a moment. Then, he shook his head. I sighed again and stretched my back, "Merlin, Seb, what's this about Tasha?"  
"I caught her running wild in Diagon Alley..." His shoulders slumped, "I watched her get away, but it was such a stupid, careless thing to do!"  
Which made it such a Natasha thing to do, I thought, but didn't add aloud.  
“We have to tell her. Ellie. About her parents. Her parents… I saw her mother…” he dropped his voice to a whisper, as though he couldn’t believe it, “her mother has a dark mark.”  
It was my turn to shake my head.  
“That was from last time You-Know-Who was at large, Seb. She was under the Imperious curse. It wasn’t her fault!” And yet, I couldn’t help but hear the doubt in my voice.  
“They laugh and joke with those – those monsters – like old friends!” Sebastian insisted, waving his hands about wildly. I didn’t want to believe it. Mr and Mrs Dubois were good people. They had to be They raised Ellie and Elspeth, for Merlin’s sake!

 

“We have to tell Ellie,” Sebastian stated, finally, looking back at me, "If we tell her, she'll join Dumbledore's Army - the rebel group. She'll see how important it is!"  
“No.” I stood up, “We can’t, Seb, it’ll break her heart!”  
“If you don’t tell her, Ahar, I will,” he warned. With that, he stood, and swept out of the room. It took a few moments for me to process what he said, but I ran to the door, flinging it open to watch him leave.  
“Where’s Sebastian going?” Ellie suddenly appeared behind me, placing her hand on my shoulder as we watched Sebastian’s velvety silver robes swish down the corridor behind him.  
“He had to get back to his grandmother, she worries,” I lied smoothly, turning around and taking Ellie by the arm. It was not often enough I appreciated how beautiful Ellie was. I’d always loved her spiralling afro-curls and how they framed her round, chubby cheeks. Stretchmarks darted like little lightning bolts across her dark upper arms, and even though she was insecure about them, I couldn’t help but think they looked wonderful on her. Ellie – Eleanor – she was a star. Especially in her dress tonight… I recognised it from the photograph Natasha had taken and given us all a copy from the Yule ball. Even three years later, she still looked like she was made from magic itself. Golden mist seemed to drift around her ankles as we walked, circling her soft, golden dress. Yes, she really did look like she was made from magic itself.

 

In the formal way which my father had taught myself and my brother, I lead her to the middle of the small ballroom floor, among a handful of (much older) couples. I bowed lowly to her, and she returned me a curtsey. Taking her waist in one hand and her left hand in my right, I began to lead her in a simple waltz, swaying us in time to the music.  
“I wanted to dance with him,” Ellie murmured quietly, before catching my eyes, “Not that dancing with you isn’t wonderful, Ahar, it’s just… It’s been so long since Seb and I danced together…” she trailed off. To my dismay, I could see the tears beginning to well up in her eyes. Not wanting her parents, or mine, to see, I pulled her close so my whole arm was round her waist and her head was against my chest.  
“Sssh now, hey, it’s okay,” I tried to reassure her, rubbing her back, “I need to talk to you, Ellie.”  
I heard her sniffle, but she looked back up at me,  
“I thought you might say that.”

 

So as to not draw attention to ourselves, I pardoned myself for the bathroom. There, I waited quietly for Ellie to arrive. After a few minutes, I heard the three-tap code I had told her to use.  
“Come in,” I called out, barely louder than a whisper. Ellie stepped in to the narrow bathroom, shutting the door behind her and clicking the lock shut.  
“This is about Dumbledore’s Army, isn’t it?” She sighed heavily and slumped on to a stool, resting her head in her hands and her elbows on her knees.  
“No, it’s…” Ahar began, but then he looked at her. He really, really looked at her. She was so tired, and on the verge of tears. And he couldn’t bring himself to talk about her parents. Not now. Not when they knew so little.  
“Yes. Sebastian wants to know why you won’t join. It’s important to him. It’s important to the cause.”  
Ellie breathed out heavily and slumped over her lap, hiding her face in her curls and the ruffles of her dress. After a moment or two, her shoulders began to shudder, and I heard a soft sob muffled through the fabric. Gently, I knelt beside her and rubbed her back, hushing her quietly.  
“I know the cause is important,” she choked out eventually, before taking a handful of tissues from the dispenser beside her and blowing her nose, “But my family is important too! My father and mother are working so hard to keep me safe, to keep Elspeth safe… I’m not going to risk that for some rebel group that’ll get me – and my parents – in trouble!”  
I listened to her patiently and understood what she was saying, though it hurt that she didn’t realise just what extremes her parents are going to.  
“I love Natasha, we all do,” she sniffed, her voice barely even a whisper, rubbing the back of her hand across her damp eyes, “But I have Elsie to think about too. You-Know-Who… He won’t win this, Ahar, he won’t. He can’t. We just have to wait it out.”  
“Yeah,” I agreed, even though the pit in my stomach was churning from the guilt of holding back the information Sebastian and I had discussed from her, “you’re right, Ellie. You’re right. We’re alright.”  
It was a lie. A lie that I just wished I could believe.


	13. Chapter Four- Natasha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the mini hiatus we've been unexpectedly busy. We should go back to our usual update schedule; Every Monday — U.K. Time around 9pm (though it could be a bit later in the night sometimes).

The fire that filled my lungs only grew the more I tried to run from the beastly snatchers, my legs straining to carry on but my determination pulled me through and in a one quick blur, I shouted a quick ‘stupify’, stunning one of the men, confusing the other — I managed to escape. I’m left hiding in some dirty forest ditch, my grubby hands covering my mouth with hopes that the snatchers couldn’t hear my harsh pants and sharp, pain intakes of breath. 

Finally I caught my breath and assessed my situation. I’m lost, the further I go forward the less easy it will be for me to find a recognisable place again, that means no necessities like food, I suppose I could kill whatever animal resides in these woods but nothing to cook with… that settles it. I have to go back from where I came from. I close my eyes and curse to myself — there’s no way those bastards won’t find me. I take three deep breaths, counting down from ten to get ready to face them. Ten, nine, eight… Sebastian’s angry face filled my head but I ignored the image and continued counting. Seven, six, five… I take a anxious breath remembering his last words to me, four, three, two, on-

“Ar- ‘ere’s the little bitch!” One of the snatchers said from what sounded like above me, my eyes flew open and my hand gripped tightly to my wand, looking forward I got ready to pounce when I noticed her. She couldn’t have been any older than me and she looked confused at the two snatchers. It dawned on me in that moment she was a muggle, the sheer confusion to whom and what the men were, a dead give away.

“Come with us mudblood, or we’ll curse you right ‘ere.” The other snatcher caught up to the one who found the muggle. The girl looked rightfully scared but took a stance.  
“Jason- this isn’t funny man! Come out! I know this is you!” She chuckled amused, yet her hands shook.

One of the snatchers chuckled and turned to his friend, “Oh! You lucky fool, this isn’t the mudblood.. this sweet one is a filthy little muggle. Kill her.” He uttered. But I couldn’t stand for it, I rolled out of my hiding spot, the ache in my over exhausted body went numb with adrenaline. I stood in a protective stance in front of the girl.  
“When I say run; run.” I muttered to her.

It all happened in a flash.  
“Run!” I roared. Shooting out a wordless ‘expelliarmus’ to the too slow snatcher about to cast one of, if not the most, unforgivable curse. Yet, my mind too focused on saving the muggle, the other snatcher cured me with another unforgivable; the cruciatius curse.

My numb body fell to the floor and my mind felt like I was on fire when the pain hit. We were taught by professor Moody about the unforgivables, he told us it would hurt but nothing could prepare you for it. It’s like an itch that won’t go away, expect imagine that itch to be stab wounds, gun shots, anything and everything that could and would hurt you. That’s what it felt like when my body lay shaking on floor, the snatchers’ laughs drowned by my screams. 

They finally stopped, ten, twenty, god, thirty minutes later? Merlin! Who knows it could have been five minutes, yet I still lay dazed, the snatchers grabbed my weak body, and the last thing I saw was the familiar swirl of disapparating.

When I woke up my wand was gone alone with all my belongings, I sat, magically tied to a chair. Looking around the room I saw snobbish looking depressed dark witches and wizards staring down at me and a familiar bitch in pink giving me a satisfied smirk. 

Umbridge was almost as bad as the dark lord, it was only a couple months ago that my scar from doing lines had faded, thanks to Mrs Das’ help (Ahar’s mum). I glared up at her, glancing at the crowed again when I noticed a nauseous looking Ahar who signalled me to be quiet — I couldn’t give him away. 

Either side of me where the two snatchers who brought me in, a evil glint in there eye as Umbridge began.

“Interrogation of a Muggleborn witch: Miss Natasha Donnelly. Whom failed to turn herself over to the ministry under the new law code:00364.” I held my chin up showing I’m not afraid.  
“Miss Donnelly, why did you run from the law?” Umbitch sneered.  
“No comment.” I said in a monotone voice. The pink loving sadistic bitch repeated the question to me a few times but I gave the same reply. She grew tired of it me, her patience loosing thin when she prosecuted me, mentioning to the snatchers to take me to my cell.

I got flung into the cell my nose cracking when it came in contact with the wall, blood came poring out with each punch the snatchers gave to me. They punched and shoved me while a ministry worker repeatedly asked me for information. This seemed to be the real interrogation huh.  
It felt like hours before they left, securing my cell, leaving me withering in pain, yet nothing compares to the curse, this pain, a simple relief in comparison.

I closed my eyes and focused on more happier things, like seeing Ahar again for the first time since all this shit has gone down. I know Ahar won’t leave me here, Merlin… I hope he doesn’t, I have faith in my friends but I’m not worth loosing his position over. Sebastian’s words filled my head about me being worth more and despite myself I dreamt of them, dreamt of sweet innocent Ellie, dancing along to Seb, while Ahar studied. I dreamt of my parents doing things that used to seem mundane and ordinary like cooking, or cleaning. I wish it could go back to then when times where much, much more free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're sorry for the delays in our updates these last few weeks. Both technical difficulties and holidays occurred causing us to be more busy than expected! We hope you enjoyed this week's update. 
> 
> Special thanks to the OC competition winners!   
> Jacquline: xXx Flower Girl xXx  
> Jonathan: This is me  
> Melody: Brianna  
> ((all on Quotev))


	14. Chapter Four- Ahar

Quiet as a kneazle, I made my way down the stairs to the lowest floor of the ministry where the muggleborns were being held still. In one hand, I held my wand out, ‘lumos’ cast so I could see where I was going, and the other held the ghoul’s sleeve as it floated, groaning softly, behind me. Merlin, my heart was thudding so hard in my chest I swore I could hear it echo off of the walls around me. I tried to focus on my surroundings. There didn’t seem to be anyone coming, at least, not that I could hear over the ghoul. I stepped out in to the corridor, looked both ways, then sprinted to the end. As per usual, Yaxely was asleep on guard duty, snoring away to himself. When I saw him sat by the gate I slowed right down, assessing the situation. Oh, Merlin. One of his large boots was propped up against the gate, blocking my entry.  
“Fudge,” I murmured to myself. I hated swearing, something Natasha often teased me for. My stomach twisted as I thought of her, somewhere behind that gate. I had to get to her, no matter what. I breathed out, then hardened my stance. Time to save my best friend.

 

Once again, I assessed my options. If I could move that stupid boot, and Yaxley’s leg with it, I was sure I’d easily be able to use ‘alohamora’ to unlock the gate, find my way to Natasha’s cell, switch her for the ghoul, relock the gate, and disapperate us both back to my house – the safehouse… Alright, so maybe it wasn’t all going to be as easy as I thought, but that boot was definitely the main issue. If I used ‘wingardium leviosa’, his entire body would need to be lifted, which would surely wake him up. If I tried to move it without magic, however, I’d tear several muscles. For what felt like hours I stood there, running my fingers through my hair trying to work out what I could do, becoming more and more stressed with each passing minute.  
“Fudge!” I spat out again, gritting my teeth as I realised how loudly I said it. Yaxley didn’t stir, but, someone behind the gate did.  
“Ahar?” A small voice called out, a voice which I hadn’t heard in almost 4 months. Natasha.

 

“Tash?” I barely even whispered. Leaving the ghoul behind me I crept up to the gate, covering the light of the wand to make sure I didn’t wake Yaxley. When I finally reached the menacing bars I moved my hand away, leaving over Yaxley’s obnoxiously large boot to poke my wand through the gate. I shoved a hand over my mouth so as to not emit the low, guttural sound that came out of me. In the cell closest to the gate, was Natasha, our bubbly, brilliant Tasha. Though her face was covered in bruises and dried blood (hence the guttural noise I made) it was undeniably her. There was no mistaking that smile. Without thinking I took my free hand away from my mouth and shoved it through the bars, reaching for her. Natasha shoved her arms through the bars of her cell doors, straining herself so our fingertips could just touch.  
“I’ll get you out of here,” I whispered. She gave me another weak smile.  
“I know you will.”

 

I retracted my arms from the gate and dimmed the light of my wand, once again studying Yaxely’s boot. When I looked up, Natasha looked at me quizzically.  
“What are you waiting for?” she asked me quietly.  
“I don’t know how to move his boot!” I pointed out, more than a little frustrated about it by now. Natasha stifled a laugh.  
“Just flick him behind the kneecap!” She breathed out quietly, her voice wobbling with giggles. I stared at her.  
“Have you gone mad?” My eyes widened, “He’ll kill me. He’ll kill both of us!”  
“He’s a heavy sleeper!” She insisted, “The reflex will make is leg move, I promise!”  
For another minute, I stared at the sleeping Yaxley, making up my mind on what I would do. Eventually, I breathed in, bent down… Merlin, I must be mental… And poked him, ever so lightly, behind the kneecap.

Immediately he stirred, and both Natasha and I shrank back, holding our breath. After a few seconds, he drew his leg towards him, away from the gate. You could hear a pin drop it was that quiet. Then, after a few more seconds of silence, Yaxley began to snore once again. We both let out long-held breaths.  
“C’mon, Ahar,” Natasha urged, and soon I had cast ‘alohamora’ twice (on the gate and on Tasha’s cell door) and we embraced. Neither of us wanted to let go (even though she really did smell) and so we stood for a while, just holding each other and feeling temporarily happy. However, we weren’t out of the woods yet. She was the first to break away.  
“I missed you,” I told her, squeezing her shoulder.  
“I missed you too, nerd,” She gave me a light punch on the arm and grinned, “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”  
Together we shuffled the ghoul into the back of her cell and tied it to the bedpost by the ankle. Then, we relocked the cell door, the gate, and tip-toed as quickly and silently as possible back up the stairs. When we reached the top step, I was finally able to disapperate with her to safety. To my home.

 

The second our fit hit my living room carpet my mother took Natasha’s arm and pulled her – gently – down the basement stairs, the trapdoor for which was hidden neatly under a rug most of the time.  
“Wait, what?” I heard Natasha ask as she stumbled down the steps, still dizzy from apperating. My father appeared before me.  
“You go ahead, my son. I will close the door.” He gave me a look of approval for another successful rescue mission, and I felt my chest swell with pride. I jogged down the steps, hearing the click of the trapdoor closing above me.  
“Oh, Natasha, Natasha!” My mother wept, sweeping Natasha in for a tight hug. Poor Tasha patted her awkwardly on the back, yet I couldn’t help noticing a small smile spreading across her lips.  
“I’m fine, Mrs Das, really,” She insisted, sitting down heavily on the couch beside her.  
“Nonsense, my girl. I’m no Mrs Das to you. I am Aunty Amal to you!” My mother tutted, patting Tasha’s knee. In Indian culture – where both my parents were raised before moving here to get married – family friends are called your ‘aunty’ or ‘uncle’ even if you aren’t related. It’s something I’m so used to, but I forget it’s not a typically British thing to do.  
“Aunty Amal,” Natasha reaffirmed, and I flashed her a smile I hoped showed I was grateful she was tolerating my mother’s antics. I could always count on Natasha to make me and my family smile, and respect our cultural customs, no matter what the circumstances. Before I could say anything else to her, my mother ushered me out of the room so she could assess and dress Natasha’s wounds without me seeing her indecently.  
For at least thirty minutes I sat in the narrow kitchen, my back against the small pantry door. Though I wanted Natasha’s wounds to be properly taken care of (my mother was a fairly skilled healer) and I respected that Natasha would not want me to see her in the nude, I was absolutely itching to talk to her. We’d hardly been able to talk whilst I was busting her out of her cell, so it had been almost four months since the last time we spoke, four months since all this craziness began…  
“Ahar? You’re home!” A cheerful voice sang out across the kitchen. My brother Saamir came in, tiptoeing up to me, knowing full well he should be in bed with the other kids here in the safe bunk. I was too tired to scold him, so I patted the floor beside me for him to sit down.  
“What’s up scamp?” I asked, pulling him into a gentle headlock and ruffling his dark brown curls.  
“Oh, the usual,” he answered flippantly, giving me a buck-toothed grin, “hiding from the racist supremacists that have taken over our world!”

 

Now, I’m not ashamed of my brother, not at all. Neither are my parents, but… Saamir is a squib. A squib is a person born to magical parents, who possess little to no magic themselves. Saamir is thirteen but he never went to Hogwarts because he wasn’t magical enough to get him… It broke his heart when his letter never came, but at least he got to be home-schooled by my father’s friend Elphius Dodge. He doesn’t let it get to him, and he’s always so proud of me when I do well in my end of year exams. Besides, he knows almost everything there is to know about wizarding history – he even has a signed copy of ‘Hogwarts: A History’… But now, well... We’ve had to hide him, so father and I could stay at the ministry. We told people there we had kicked Saamir out in to the muggle care system for children. I know that hiding him is the best, most safe thing to do for him… But it still feels so unfair, especially when he’s such a wonderful kid…

 

“Ya Saamir,” I tutted but smiled back. ‘Ya’ is an Arabic term of endearment, kind of like saying ‘oh, Saamir’. Only when I’m with family do I slip about Arabic words or terms – if I do it in front of my friends, they get rather confused.  
“How are the others?” I asked after a few minutes of peaceful quiet.  
“They’re good!” Saamir grinned back at me, beginning to count off the muggleborn refugees my father and I rescued now living in our basement, “We’ve got Tasha now, of course. Then there’s Jacquline, she’s twelve, a Hufflepuff like Ellie. She’s so sweet, Ahar! You’re going to love getting to know her. She’s half French like Ellie too – but even more shy. She’s been working so hard on learning defensive magic…”  
He fished in his pocket and drew out a photo of a young mix-race girl in a green flowery beret.  
“She seems lovely,” I smiled, remembering Ellie at that young age, “Who else do we have here now?”  
“There’s Jonathan, he’s fifteen, and a Slytherin. He’s not as scary as Sebastian though,” I watched as Saamir blushed a little, and had to hide my grin. He’d always found Sebastian intimidating, even after all these years, “He’s from Israel. He’s super passionate about the cause. And he’s always so polite to mother.”  
He showed me another photograph of a tall, tan boy with curly dark hair not dissimilar to my own. I felt a slight pang of jealously that my little brother admired him so much, but tried not to let it show.  
“Then there’s Melody,” Saamir continued. I remembered Melody, as I had previously mistaken her for Natasha during her trial at the ministry, as they looked so similar with their red hair and Gryffindor hoodies, “She’s really funny and chatty, she’s pretty smart too. Her hexes are almost as good as dad’s!” he exclaimed, waving his photos about.

 

My heart broke a little then, for him. For the fact, that he will never cast a hex of his own. For the fact, that he never got to go Hogwarts like these kids. That there are people, evil people, out there right now that want to kill him for all those reasons. It wasn’t fair. It was not fair... Later that night Natasha and I wrote to Sebastian - well, I wrote, Natasha did a small doodle at the bottom that we knew Sebastian would recognise as her work.  
'Sebastian Volkov  
The lion is in the den with the eagle,  
Tell the badger.  
My love,  
Ahar Das'


	15. Chapter Four- Sebastian

Being back at Hogwarts only made my rage more in tense, school work has doubled, not that I find it particularly hard since my intelligence was never in question. However, extra school and homework made training for the DA start at a later time, which meant less sleep. Some of us more devoted members even skipped meal times. The weight of war loomed over everyone and you could see as the bags under each members eyes darkened everyday, and the cry of their stomach’s rumbles become second nature.

 

Not to mention, constantly being on high alert. The teachers are starting to become suspicious and members are being equally careful as they are being careless. We’re all tired and aching with all the duelling. I suppose that’s to blame for Filch catching me practicing alone in the Slytherin dungeons and now I’m on my way to face Snape.

 

I walked in silence, with Filch ahead of me, he was grumbling under his breath with had a spring in his step. When we got to the head masters office I was met with a calm looking Snape, he dismissed the caretaker with one of his famous hard glares, filch grumbled on his way out about it being ‘unfair’ and that he needed ‘credit’. Snape looked over at me, shook his head and spoke in his slow, taunting voice.

 

“Mr. Volkov, I advise you as a fellow of my house to be more careful when practicing such defensive magic, one would question the nature of such practice now be on your way…” I hardly got a say in before he dismissed me and it finally caught up with me that I was caught being a rebel. A sick feeling entered my stomach as the idea of being caught with other DA members entered my mind, if I wasn’t for my house that could have had serious consequences.

 

My anger double as I made my way to my common room, I decided to speak with my babushka through the fire to calm myself down. With everyone in my house enjoying lunch it was easy to set up and her comforting face appeared through the flames, I told her everything that happened and her twinkling eyes went hard with judgement and I knew I was about to get a famous scolding.

 

“Sebastian you careless fool! Ты, глупый мальчик! Что я буду делать с вами, будьте осторожны в следующий раз. Придерживайтесь своей обычной штаб-квартиры!” — she spoke angrily slipping into Russian we argued back and forth until the bells ran for my next lesson and with a quick “я люблю тебя” (I love you), we went our separate ways.

 

I met with Ellie in our next class and gushed about her to everything that’s happened to me this day she looked at me with concern, and I gave her a small smile to let her know despite everything I’m okay. I thought I’d use this to my advantage, one could say this is manipulating her but I’d never do anything that would hurt her. I brought up the DA again with her, with all my built up anger it wasn’t my smartest move as when she spoke let me down again I blew up, in the middle of class.

 

“Ellie! This is my last straw! What are you not telling me?!” I accused and before she could shutter a reply I started shouting again.  
“All you do is give me false promises, tell me it’s dangerous but I’ve had enough of it, you stupid girl! You can stay out of it forever, you’ll fucking die while the rest of us are prepared for what’s to come! What do you expect to do sit around and braid hair when Voldermort-“ everyone around them gasped hearing he who shall not be named’s true name be spoken so carelessly in front of the professor.

 

I was about to continue my rage as the professor spoke loudly before us sending us to detention together. Rage filled I couldn’t hold it in anymore and directed my rage towards the teacher when he mentioned detention. Tales of what students are forced to do in them filled my head, I witnessed a first year get unbelievable punishment on my way to a feast one night and I simply couldn’t even utter the words myself. The unforgivable curses. Drumstrang taught me all about then in my second year and I heard from Tasha about professor moody’s strange lesson in fourth year. I can’t even begin on how wrong it is to perform them on a fellow student especially when forced. The screams of students echoed through Hogwarts at night, though thanks to professor McGonagall secret silence spells are now setup all over the school.

 

That brings me to now where Ellie and myself are faced with the daunting task of performing such curse on a student. Ellie looked at me tears staining her cheeks, she didn’t want to get in trouble, and neither did I but I wouldn’t stand for this. While she shook under the stare of the teacher I crossed my arms over my chest and refused.

 

“No. I’m not doing that.” I spoke calmly and the man laughed shaking his head.  
“Do it boy or you’ll get your fate just like this little one.” He pulled on the females hair, she was shaking and pleading us not to. He hushed her harshly and her weeps became worse. I refused again, shaking my head, and loosing my already thin patience I made a very silly move.

 

Cursing a teacher is one thing, yet cursing a known death eater is another, I mean I’m not sorry yet I do admit I may of not been the best thing to do in that moment of time. I saw his patience grow thin and he took his hand and grabbed the back of my head and pulled me along to the dungeons I groaned out and struggled trying to escape, looking into Ellie’s eyes, pleading her not to do it, she screamed for me, being kept behind by a fellow student who looked familiar to met yet I couldn’t recognise at this time my minds priority focusing on getting out of my punishment.


	16. Chapter Four- Eleanor

Tears continued to stream down my face long after Sebastian and I had finished arguing, but watching Professor Alecto… Watching Sebastian… The pain on his face… It was enough to send a fresh flood falling down my cheeks. As Professor Alecto dragged him from the room I could hear myself gagging, chocking on my sobs. Two arms wrapped around my torso and held me tight, and when their owner began to soothe me, I realised it was Sefina holding me up.  
“Seb,” I moaned in despair, my body convulsing in shock in a way I couldn’t control. Our earlier argument flashed in to my mind, how angry he'd been, how right he'd been... Suddenly I found myself fighting Sefina’s arms, trying to break free so I could run after Sebastian, and – I don’t know – keep him safe. Guilt paralyzed my body and I slumped, causing Sefina to stagger to the ground with me in her arms. By now, the entire class, including Professor Amycus Carrow, was watching me, seemingly surprised at my reaction.  
“You, girl,” Professor Amycus spat at me, “Get up! You’re next!”  
I didn’t move. After a few seconds, I could feel Sefina trying to haul me to my feet.  
“Up!” Professor Amycus demanded. Begrudgingly I stood, stretching my neck in a circle before I glared at her. There was no point in lying low now. Sorry, Papa.

 

When our eyes met, my dark brown and her steel blue, I noticed a flash of recognition… Of realisation.  
“Dubios,” she mumbled, more to herself than me, I think. I rolled my shoulders and took a duelling stance. After a few moments of pondering, she seemed to realise where she was and carried on with her demands.  
“If Master Volkov thinks he is too prideful to follow orders, I suppose it shall have to be you that does it,” she waved her hand flippantly, “Cast Crucio on this first year. Now!” With a firm hand, she pushed the small child forward. My fist curled around my wand, but not it preparation to cast such a vile, horrid spell on an innocent child. I took a took a deep breath, raised my wand, and…  
“Evanesco!” I cried, tossing my wand high in to the air. With a soft shimmer, it completely vanished, back to my dormitory. To be honest I was rather proud of myself for managing such a complex spell I'd only tried a few times before – I knew if Ahar were here, he would be proud too.  
“Foolish girl!” Professor Amycus screeched.  
“Eleanor!” I heard Sefina gasp from behind me.  
“Thank you,” a timid voice whispered. I looked down to see the shaking, bloodied first year cowering at my feet now. With one last glance behind me where I could see the door, I grabbed the hand of the first year. Before anyone could stop us, I took off at a sprint, half carrying the first year with me.

 

After a while of running I reached the corridor Sebastian had described to me many times before. Apparently, there was a secret room along here called the Room of Requirement. That was where the rebel group, Dumbledore’s Army, met. From what Sebastian had said I knew someone would be there to patch the poor kid up and keep them safe, whilst I ran for Hufflepuff dormitories. But I had to admit I was confused; no one seemed to be coming after us. I was a slow runner, if they had wanted they would’ve caught up to us by now… It was rather strange…  
“Ellie? Eleanor Dubois?” a familiar voice rung out behind me. I jumped in surprised, but turned around. There was… A door… Appearing in the wall. In all my time at Hogwarts, I’d never seen a door just appear like this... And out of it poked Ginny Weasley. Honestly, seven years in this school and yet every day there was something new to take me by surprise and make me question whether I really knew the school at all.

 

“Ginny,” I breathed, like we were old friends – though I was pretty sure I’d never actually spoken more than a few words to her before now. For a moment, she looked me up and down, then gestured to me and the small child.  
“Quickly, come in,” she whispered. I felt a tug in my chest, my loyalty to Seb wanting to pull me through the doorway… But then, I thought of my mother and father, who were working so hard to keep me safe, and out of trouble. I’d already caused them so much trouble today…  
“I can’t stay,” I stumbled, helping the injured first year over the door mantle. The ginger girl eyed me suspiciously, then moved so her body was covering the door, preventing me from seeing in.  
“Then you need to go,” She said calmly, not without looking me up and down. A bead of nervous sweat ran down my neck and I had to focus very hard on not shuddering. This was fast becoming a very confrontational encounter – not one I was used to.  
“Right,” I agreed, taking a few steps back. Before I turned to walk (well, run) away, Ginny caught my arm.  
“Sebastian says we can trust you,” Her voice was even quieter now, her eyes scanning my face for any sign of a lie. I swallowed the ball of fear resting beneath my tonsils.  
“Sebastian is right – I mean – You can. Trust me. You can trust me.” I managed to get out. The grip she had on my arm loosened.  
“Right. Well,” She looked behind her, back in to what I had now gathered was the Room of Requirement, “We all have our own battles to fight, Ellie. I expect you have your reasons for not joining our cause,” she pursed her lips tightly, but then her face loosened. She was so tired, so, so tired. Far more tired than any sixteen-year-old should be. She looked me dead in the eyes, but not in the threatening way she had before,  
“You know where we are, should you want to join us,” she gave me a firm nod, “You’ll have a place here waiting for you.”  
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just nodded in agreement, then she let go of my arm. I looked down at my feet to break the eye contact, but when I looked back up, Ginny and the door were both gone again.

 

As I tiptoed my way back to Hufflepuff tower, I thought hard and long about Ginny’s words. Okay, okay – I really wanted to join Dumbledore’s Army. I wanted to help fight the regime. I wanted to know I was doing something to protect my friends, Ahar, Natasha... I wanted Sebastian back; we had never, ever argued before the world started to crumble down around us. But I couldn’t put my family at risk, never could I betray my parents like that. Not when they were in far more danger than I would ever be. By the time I reached Hufflepuff tower, I was in tears once again. Why is it I always had to cry, even when it wasn’t myself I was crying for? Guilt racked my body once again. Natasha was a fugitive – at least safe with Ahar for now, but still at risk – Ahar himself was leading some dark sort of double life to save the lives of muggleborn captors. And Sebastian, oh, Merlin bless Sebastian… Every single day he fought against the teachers here, even though he was a Slytherin, and if he wished he could so easily blend in with all the others in his house. And here I was, doing nothing. I was a sitting duck, letting everyone else save the world. I wasn’t brave like my friends. I wasn’t smart like my friends. I didn’t even act of my own accord. Something had to change. Someone had to change, and that someone was me.

 

“I know what you can do to help!” A voice panted behind me. Sefina.  
“How did you – how do you know?” I jumped up from my bed, wiping my eyes in embarrassment.  
“I saw you talking to Ginny,” Sefina shut the door behind her and checked it was locked, before casting a silencing charm on the old wood, “Do you still bake?”  
“I… What?” I asked, confused as to why she’d want to know. I did in fact still bake. Natasha and I have spent every summer since we were fourteen cooking in her muggle kitchen together. Magic never produced food nearly as good as Tasha did. I knew all her recipes off by heart.  
“Do you still bake?” She asked again, sitting down on her bed. I sat back down on my own, opposite her.  
“Of course,” I nodded, “Why?”  
“Because an army is nothing weak and skinny. I can tell you want to help us, and the DA need food,” her eyes flashed with mischief, “And you’re going to cook it for us.”


	17. Chapter Five- Natasha

Waking up in a soft, warm environment should be comforting to me now that I know I’m safe in Ahar’s family’s care. However with each passing day I remember the torment of the curse and the pain that reduced me to a withering mess. The pain that left me powerless and at the complete and utter demise of the snatchers. This is the pain that haunts me and my dreams. No matter how comfortable my pillows are, or how caring Aunty Amal is with her mothering touch and medicine. 

It helps being around others who have gone through a experience similar to me. Some have suffered worse, some have suffered less. Yet we’ve all suffered for the same reason. It warms my heart to know that even in the darkest of times us fellow muggleborns are still loyal and true to our heritage. With the experiences we’ve had it’s nice to see that darkness isn’t winning. The dark lord won’t be able to beat and abuse us for what we are because in the end no matter how bruised or broken we are, we are still muggleborn.

Now I spend my days getting stronger with the help of the Das family. Ahar’s father was able to collect my wand without any question, and Ahar has been helping me and the others learn and gain confidence with our magic. It’s common knowledge I’m not the best witch, yet I find myself being optimistic as I watch myself grow stronger in strength and ability with each passing day. However, the two who I find myself being very grateful for is, Aunty Amal and little Saamir. They’re the most delicate and caring of the Das Family. While I love and care about Ahar greatly, there’s no denying how similar to his father he is. My brain can’t always take the logic point of view the two share.

His mother and younger brother, on the other hand, are wonderful at healing magic — a-ah well I mean, Aunty Amal is, you see, Saamir being a squib. It breaks me a little inside to see how he wishes to perform magic just like the rest of us. He brings his mother her ingredients, he knows more about the history of Hogwarts than the rest of us! (Did you know you can’t disapparate to or from the school?) and he often watches Ahar help us practice and you can see the excitement and hope in his eyes. More often than not I feel a huge guilt when I see him around us, sometimes it feels as though us muggleborns took it away from him. I know that it sounds ridiculous but he was born into the world we didn’t have any idea existed until age eleven. Some of us could have lived just has happily in the muggle world. I feel angry towards whatever God’s up there, that he allowed me, as useless as I am at magic the ability and not this sweet, willing, boy.

I do hate thinking in such a negative way about him, as he’s definitely showed me that being a squib doesn’t always mean being a nasty, grumpy, ugly being like the Hogwarts caretaker, Filtch. He’s so strong, even with the war going on. Saamir Das is definitely my hero in this war. Seeing him be so care-free and strong gives me the will to fight. As though he had some psychic abilities Saamir’s little knock on my chamber door came letting me know it’s time for dinner.

I held Saamir’s hand as he took me to the large dining table that was filled with lush, warm, food that never failed to get my mouth watering. I sat down in the middle of Ahar and Saamir. Across from me was a sweet mixed-race girl that reminded me of Ellie, I had done her hair as I had done so often for Ellie and I could see in Ahar’s eyes how he missed those times as much as I do. On the left of Jacqueline, sat Johnny, well his real name is Jonathan but we’ve grown quite close as we find it easy to confide in eachother about our experiences. He is the only other one here I know of that has experienced one of the unforgivables and it gives me a strong sense of comfort that I’m not in this alone. Johnny’s the only one here who knows about me experiencing the cruciatus curse. I didn’t want to tell Ahar because I don’t want to see the pity in his eyes. 

On Jacqueline’s right was Melody. Mel has the same bushy red locks as I do and she’s like the sister I never had. I find myself being at ease when I talk with her, her sense of humour is amazing. We often stay up at night and work on our magic together.

Dinner was quite scrumptious, all of us enjoying a good meal for a change, the conversation was light like the atmosphere. I almost felt as though the war was a distant memory. The atmosphere didn’t last though as Jacqueline burst into tears, clearly her thoughts getting the best of her. Instantly everyone tensed as she hiccuped as she tried to muffle her sobs. Ahar’s father looked uncomfortable and Aunty Amal had a look of pitty on her face. Ahar and I shared a look and I muttered so only he would hear.  
“Ahar take your family to the other room please, t-this is something only we could understand…” he nodded and instantly got his family to follow, though Saamir didn’t want to go without helping.

After I was sure they were out of the room I got up and came around the table to Jacqueline. I took her head and rested it on my chest, muttering soothing encouragements, as Mel and Johnny comforted her too. It wasn’t long until her cries died down and she softly apologised.

“Don’t apologise sweetie, it’s okay.” I was quick to dismiss.  
“I-it’s just I miss my papa and my f-family a-and being here in this atmosphere reminded that I can’t have that again because t-hey’re dead.” She explained, bowing her head in shame.  
Before I could speak Melody spoke out.  
“I-I miss mine too, I-I obliviated my parents and there isn’t a day where I don’t think of them.”  
My heart pounded, I know that feeling all too well. I don’t know why I did it but I felt myself contributing too.  
“I obviated mine too, it’s hard, I wonder what they’re doing, what they’re eating, it’s constantly in the back of my mind.” I whisper out, my face scrunching up in pain.  
Lastly, Johnny spoke out in his deep accent, that sounded broken like he wanted to cry.  
“I feel you ladies, I don’t know if my family is dead or alive…” he took a huge breath before standing up and placing a comforting hand on my shoulder, looking at us determined and strong.  
“-but isn’t that why we are here today to prove to the wizarding world just how strong we are, so one day we might go back to our families, so we can destroy the death eaters, so muggleborns in the future don’t have to wonder about their family!?”

With Johnathan’s words, I felt the fire in my belly grow as well as my determination to beat Voldemort. We all look strong and ready to fight. We all nodded together and Jacqueline stood up,  
“Come. We must practice.”


	18. Chapter Five - Eleanor

"Eleanor! I needed those pies twenty minutes ago!"   
I sigh heavily and flick my wand at the oven across the room, turning the heat up a little more, before continuing to dice more onion and parsnips.   
"I'm going as fast as I can, Evie!" I reply, trying my absolute hardest to keep my voice clear of frustration, and calm. I am most certainly not calm. Just like every morning for the last few weeks, I was up at 4:30am to have breakfast ready for Dumbledore's Army by 6:00am, and once again, it was nearly 10:30pm. My eyes were stinging from lack of sleep, not helped by the onion in the slightest. Quickly, I threw them in to a bowl and cast a charm on it to make it mix myself. Finally, I pulled the pies out of the oven, knocking the door shut with my hip after. I hurried over to where Evie was talking to Luna Lovegood, who was to carry the pies up to the Room of Requirement so the DA could eat.  
"Oh my Merlin, Ellie, they look lovely!" Evie squealed in her unmistakeably American accent. Evie Donner was a sixth year Ravenclaw, a sweet girl (if somewhat excitable) who joined Dumbledore's Army very early on when Luna joined. However, she was a rather peaceful individual, which is why she chose to join me cooking in the kitchens late at night and early in the morning rather than fight with the others. We weren't dissimilar, in all honesty, though she was far more intelligent and creative when it came to baking than I was.  
"Thank you," I smiled awkwardly and handed the bundle to Luna, who nodded in agreement with Evie and then dashed off quickly so as not to be caught. Just one more lot of pies left, and I could retire to my dorm...

"Come on, Ellie, we're doing so well!" Evie cheered, skipping across the mixing bowl and plucking it from mid air. She sniffed the filling, before grabbing a pinch of pepper and sprinkling it in, "Just needs a little more flavour!"   
I nodded and gave a weak smile, before taking the pre-baked pastry from the oven for the filling to go in. Not only was I exhausted, but my mind was overworking even by my usual standards. I just couldn't stop thinking. About my parents, and my sister. About Ahar, and Natasha. About Sebastian... It'd been almost a whole month since I last spoke to him, and Merlin, he wouldn't even look at me. In class, he turns away from me and glares across the room. When I visit the Room of Requirement to deliver breakfast for the DA, he's always conveniently just left or is in the bathroom getting ready. It was almost Christmas - not that it felt remotely like it at school - but still, tomorrow morning I would be getting the train back home to my family. At least that meant seeing Elspeth, her little gap teeth and springy curls. I couldn't wait to watch her decorate the tree and open presents by the fireplace, excited to see what St Nicholas will have left her. If I was really lucky Ahar would have some time off work, and I'd be able to see him, maybe even Natasha... But I couldn't get my hopes up. At least it was home. At least it wasn't here. Anywhere, doing anything with anyone had to be better then been kept prisoner at this horrendous excuse for an educational institution. 

"All done? Ellie?" Evie asked, waving a hand in front of my face. I snapped out of my thoughts and pulled the pies from the oven, wrapping them up ready for Luna to pick up.   
"Sorry," I apologised to Evie, "I get a little caught up in my head sometimes."  
She gave me a wise and knowing smile,  
"Don't we all, Ellie," she murmured, picking up the bundle, "Don't we all..."  
I woke as early as possible the next morning, before thundering down the stairs of the dormitory and across the grounds as fast as my chubby little legs could carry me. I had to get out of this place before I lost my mind. I needed my sister. I needed my little sister. 

As usual the train journey went quickly and it felt like only minutes, not miles, had passed between getting on at the bleak Hogsmeade platform to the slightly less depressing 9 3/4 platform. However, there were my parents, my mother and papa and my wonderful, wonderful little Elsie with them. The second I was off the train she flew in to my outstretched arms and I twirled her around and around, breathing in her warm chestnut scent through her corkscrew curls, so similar to my own. After a few moments passed, she craned to look over my shoulder.  
"Where's Sessastian?" She asked with a frown. I tried not to feel my heart shatter as I put her down in front of me, taking her hand,   
"He's not going to be here this Christmas, Elsie," I mumbled quietly.   
"But he's always here for Christmas!" She pouted and stamped her feet, "He's suppose to read me my Christmas book!"  
My heart ripped a little bit more.   
"I know, ma sœur," I squeezed her hand sadly, "I know he is." 

It was when we got home that everything else disintegrated in to shit. For the second time that day, I thundered my way down the stairs. This time it was in anger, and not excitement.  
"Where in the name of Bathilda Bagshot are my photographs?" I demanded to know. My papa placed down his newspaper, my mother, her knitting.   
"Your photographs with Ahar are on your bedroom wall, darling," my mother purred, before returning from her knitting. For a moment - just a moment - I saw red.   
"You know that's not what I meant - where are my photos with Natasha? And Sebastian?" I snatched my mother's knitting so she was forced to look at me.   
"Hush, Eleanor, your sister is sleeping!" She hissed and took it back from me, not meeting my eye, "You are not to have those photos in my household anymore, you understand me?"   
"What?" I gasped, frowning at her, "Natasha has been my friend for years!"  
"Your relationship was always... How do the English say... Sensually inappropriate." My mother muttered. I felt my cheeks burn red in both rage and embarrassment.  
"Maman!" I glared at her, "Natasha and I never-"  
"You will not speak to your mother like that, Eleanor, we raised you better!" My papa butted in. My frustration only grew.   
"And what about Sebastian? Huh?" I half-laughed, knowing that right now, Sebastian absolutely hated me... But that didn't matter for arguments sake.  
"Rude boy," My mother muttered. This time I tore her knitting from her grasp.   
"That is a lie, maman!" I almost shouted, "Sebastian has always treated you with respect! Sebastian is family!"  
"No more, he is not one of us, no more." She shook her head.

Once again she went to take her knitting back. Quickly, I tossed it in to the fireplace. Both of my parents began to yell, but I was already halfway across the room and back up the stairs. Tears streaked my cheeks as I threw myself down in my bed, before beginning to sob. Carefully I pulled out the last photo I had of myself and my friends from my pocket - the muggle one from the Yule Ball - from my robe pocket. I began to cry even harder, clutching it to my chest. No more, huh, mother? No more indeed. No more of this crap. I'm going to do something, something real. I'm going to sign up to the DA... If it wasn't already too late...


	19. Chapter Five- Sebastian

I was at the Slytherin table, enjoying breakfast when I received Ahar’s owl and I didn’t dare to open it there. I stored it away quickly in the large pocket of my black robes. Across the hall Eleanor caught my eye, she knew of course the owl that delivered the note was Ahar’s, we all remember when his father got him it for his grades one year, he was ever so delighted. I stared hard at Eleanor, refusing to smile like a usually did when seeing her around school. This caused her to frown, and before I turned away to continue eating I noticed the furious look of Eleanor’s conquest — Sefina.

 

Once breakfast had ended I intended to get to my first lesson relatively quickly, but was side tracked upon meeting Eleanor and Sefina on the way out of the great hall. Eleanor called out to me, nearly speak up about Ahar’s note. I turned to her in a fury.  
“SHUSH!” I shouted my eyes blazing, a few heads turned to look at us and that makes my angry deepen.  
“Anyone could hear you say his name you stupid bitch. I haven’t opened it now leave-me-ALONE!” I whispered harshly, I definitely felt more and more guilt the more the day went on, yet I couldn’t bring myself to forgive her just yet. I know our sweet Eleanor wouldn’t want to hurt us but once you been made to watch the horrors I endured in that detention, I shuddered at the mere thought at the pain the went through the poor first year, as I was made to watch, helpless. Yet our sweet Eleanor got away. I mean she knows about the disgusting acts her parents are doing, whom her parents are interacting with but she walks around these halls clueless and dazed like the Hufflepuff she is.

 

I waited till late at night to unravel the note, and it took all my will power to do so. When I did eventually open it for a short moment I was filled with delight. Natasha is safe and she’s with Ahar! My sour mood came straight back at the idea of telling Ellie. I didn’t know if I could trust her, well I did know I could deep down inside me. I know she’s on the side of the angels. Yet, my father always said,  
“They’re on the side of the angels yet don’t think for one second they’re one of them.” It’s how I got through most of Drumstang, until I couldn’t take it anymore. I’d always view the Professors and headmasters with this quote in mind, the things I did in that school will haunt me forever until I’m dead and buried in a grave.

 

I stepped out of bed, and tip toed quietly, being a ballet dancer helps tremendously with making zero noise. I made it to the empty common room that was lit up by a calming fire. I stared into the flame for a while as I sat cross-legged in front of it. I put in Ahar’s letter and watched as it turned to ash. I continued to sit there for a while reflecting back to all the horrors I’ve endured these past few months, and back in my homeland. I thought coming here would change my life, make it better. Yet, everyday more and more horrors occur.

 

I think back to my dark haired mother, with her warm chocolate eyes and he sweet smile. My mother was a muggle but my father loved her no less. My father was a strong man, thick, luscious, silver locks, just like mine but longer. I had his eyes. Our life was great until I hit my sixth year of being alive. I was very confused back then, being so young. It was a shock to us both (my father and I) when we got news of my mother dying. The ministry of Russia, tried to say it was an accident but my father never gave up hope upon reviling the truth. He uncovered that it was murder, my mother was murdered by a pretentious, muggle-hating pureblood witch who was envious of my parents love. My father never told me her name, he said that I’d only worry myself to death with grief if I knew who it was truly.

 

My father then moved us away from our home and in with my loving babushka. It was then when I was Ten that he passed away. My babushka said he died because he was without his soulmate, and I believe her. With my mothers death, my father changed, he was constantly sad, and we weren’t allowed to mention her name. My babushka then took me under her loving wing and I’ve been forever in debt ever since. She is so dear to me, I would kill whom ever tried to cross her.

I was still sat watching the flames when my thoughts drifted from my family to my time at Drumstang. From an early age we were exposed to dark magic at that school, they don’t tell you how wrong it is to use the unforgivables and I had to use them on a lot of things, ranging from spiders, to classmates. I feel myself grow sick to my stomach at the thought of my ex-classmates screams. My mind quickly wondered to the first year I couldn’t save in detention.

 

Before my thoughts could spiral, my roommate Jon, came out of our dorm and placed himself in the chair besides the fire, his pale face looking at me full of worry.  
“You ‘aven’t quiet been yourself lately Sebby.” He muttered his Scottish accent as thick as his black locks. I turned my head to him and lay it on his leg, taking a huge sigh.  
“The world hasn’t been quiet itself either.” I spoke, muffled by his leg. He scoffed.  
“Oh shut up will you and cut all this earthly shit out.” He ran his fingers through my hair, and I gave a laugh. I shook my head, sighing again but more softly. We stayed like that for a while. I can’t believe I had forgotten about Jon, he’d always help me seek comfort when I disagreed with one of the others.

 

He stood up, making me stand with him, he gave me a long hug and grumbled out,  
”Come back to bed Sebby.” I looked up at him, and saw a familiar suggestive look and let out a barking laugh.  
“Even in these dark times you still try!” I shook my head in disbelief. He gave me a cheeky smirk,  
“Ay, well you’re one to talk, laddie.” And he patted me on the back and we made our way back to bed.

 

The next morning I woke up a lot more calmer than I had been in these past few months. Jon is definitely really good at helping me detach from the world. I chose to skip breakfast that morning, swapping it for a trip to the owlry. I scribbled a reply to Ahar that read:

 

'Blue  
Yellow and myself have fallen out. I’m glad to see that red and you are safe and happy. Let me know if there’s anything you need me for, that goes to the both of you.  
I miss you two a lot. I will inform yellow.  
With love, Green.'


	20. Chapter Five - Ahar

"Master Das!" An all too familiar voice barked at me. It was getting all too difficult to not roll my eyes at Lucius Malfoy. He was a disgusting man, the sort that causes red anger to brew in your stomach the second you look at them.   
"Mr Malfoy," I stood and tidied the papers I had been (falsely) filling in in front of me, before holding my hand out to shake. He knocked it back aggressively, before jabbing an accusing finger to my chest.   
"The prosecution wants to see you. Now!" he snapped, before turning on his obnoxiously well polished heel and storming from the room. With a heavy eye-roll (thank Merlin, that felt good) I swept up my papers and rammed them in to my draw, double locking it closed. Then, I adjusted my dark blue robes about my person, nodded to my father, and left the room. I was foolishly quick to assume that today was like any other day of torture in the new Ministry for Magic as I headed to the interrogation room. I thought the usual would occur - that I'd watch them prosecute some poor innocent soul to life imprisonment who I would return to rescue later in the night. I should've known. Merlin, I should've know today would be different. 

When I arrived, Yaxely, Crabbe Senior and Goyle Senior were all sat in their usual seats at the top of the amphitheatre-shaped seats. However, the rest of the room was entirely empty. None of the usual prosecution were in their seats. There was only one other person in the room; the accused. He was a larger man, perhaps in his late thirties, early forties, bald except for a ruggedly grown beard. It was if someone had tipped a bucket of water over his head - he was drenched in sweat, and what smelt like urine from head to toe. Though he breathed calmly he shuddered violently as he did so, and shot my the filthiest glare when our eyes met.  
"Who is he?" I asked, looking away quickly. For the most part I tried to make no eye-contact with the prisoners, at least not until I was rescuing them, and I could look at them without the guilt of my 'pure' blood creeping up on me.   
"His name is Mark Finnegan," one of the Yaxley replied.   
"Seamus' dad," I murmured, frowning to myself. But... Seamus dad...  
"Yes, Master Das, you are correct. He is Seamus Finnegan's father. Seamus Finnegan's muggle father." Crabbe Senior sneered, then spat at the poor man. My stomach turned instantly. So far - so far the ministry hadn't touched muggles, just muggleborns...   
"But..." I swallowed even though my mouth and throat were both as dry as the desert, "But I thought we only, uh, bothered with the mudbloods?"  
"Well, my boy," Goyle Senior grinned, showing two rows of disturbingly sharp teeth, "We're expanding business!" 

Anxiously, I watched as they laughed between themselves, clapping each other on the back like they were first class comedians, not terrorists to the whole of the wizarding world. Their delight sickened me, and I gripped my wand tighter in my pocket, despite knowing that I couldn't use it.   
"Your father - Mr Sahir Das - he didn't want you here today," Yaxely peered at me over the seats, but I forced my expression to stay blank.   
"He did?" I responded as neutrally as possible, though I felt my heartbeat quicken.   
"Says you're too young," Crabbe Senior raised an eyebrow at me, but I stood my ground, keeping my face as blank as possible. Why didn't my father mention whatever they're going on about?   
"I'm sure I can complete any task which my employers may set for me," I said with a slight smirk; I could complete any task the new Ministry set me. My forgery was so good now it even convinced my father, and I'd now completed six rescues missions without a single bit of help.  
"That's good, very good," Goyle Senior smirked right back, "Because you will be conducting Mr Finnegan's interrogation for us."

"I- I'm sorry?" I couldn't help but stammer, gripping my wand even tighter. My mouth opened and shut but no noise seemed to come out, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make a sound. Instead I stared up at the prosecution panel, too shocked to speak.  
"We worry you do not understand the severity of the situation, Master Das," Yaxely tried to smile, but the hunger in his eyes overruled any attempt to seem supportive, "We need to find Seamus, so we must get the information from his father, you see?"  
My head was nodding before I really registered what I was agreeing to.   
"I see, Sir," I recovered myself a little, coughing to clear my nerves and loosen my stance, "But I do not understand why you need me to perform the interrogation. After all, there are other staff members far better trained-"  
"And am I wrong in thinking you achieved several 'Outstanding's in your O.W.Ls, Master Das?" Crabbe Senior interrupted. Actually, I got all 'Outstanding's in my O.W.Ls - apart from one 'Exceeds Expectation's in Potions. Suddenly, I wish I had taken Sebastian's advice and cooled off a little on my revision studies.   
"You're correct in thinking that, Sir," I nodded, my stomach dropping so much further I was afraid it would fall from my behind.   
"Then you are perfectly qualified," Goyle Senior snarled, waving me forward, "Begin!" 

Merlin, have mercy on my soul.  
"Where is your son?" I barked, slamming my palms down on the table in front of Mr Finnegan, giving him what I hoped was a convincing glare. All he did was look up and spit in my face. The prosecution laughed amongst themselves, far too heartily.   
"Now, now, Das, you know that's not how we play the game here," Yaxely tutted, "Use the correct method."  
The Cruciatus curse.   
I could never -   
Could I?  
I couldn't.   
But if I didn't, I'd loose my job, loose the way I help-  
But the Cruciatus curse -   
I saw what it did -   
But it wouldn't kill him.   
Would it?  
I couldn't, I couldn't, I can't-  
"Now, Das!" Crabbe Senior shouted, growing impatient.  
I lifted my wand, not thinking, I aimed, not thinking, I breathed in, don't think, don't think, don't think-  
I shut my eyes, and spoke the word.

The pain that ripped through him - and Merlin, the screams, the screaming, the noises he made, the movements he made - I could see it all, all of it, what I was doing, it was in my head, for years and years and years and it wasn't stopping oh Merlin oh Merlin oh Merlin oh Merlin.  
"NO!" I shrieked, dropping my wand. I dimly remember stamping on it, hearing the crunch amid the screams - my word, the screams. I ran. I ran and I ran and I did not stop. Until I did. Then I threw up. I vomited and I vomited and vomited and I felt as if it would never stop. Just like the screams.   
When I had cleared my stomach lining I opened my eyes. I didn't know where I was. Forget that, I didn't know who I was, not anymore. Guilt racked my body and I vomited again. slumped on my hands and knees, screams still ringing in my ears. I'm not sure how long I was there for, but when I stopped again, I looked about me again. Feathers. Owl feathers. And rustling. The Ministry's owlery. 

Sebastian.   
I had to tell Sebastian.   
He had to know the truth about what I had done.   
And so I told him. 

'Seb,'  
I wrote, finding a quill and parchment in the satchel I was carrying,   
'I used an unforgivable.'  
I had only just tied it to the leg of an owl before I began to wretch again. It was only then that I realised the screams I was hearing didn't just belong to Mr Finnegan. They belonged to Natasha too.


	21. Chapter Six- Sebastian

The next few days seemed to be the smoothest couple of days I’ve had in months. I walked around school with a easy going smile on my face. Spending time with Jon again took the edge off the war; I knew the threat of the Dark Lord loomed closer with each passing day, yet I found myself unable to care. Of course, I’m still as determined to fight as I’ll always be, but being between someone’s warm arms again, there’s something just so peaceful and free about it all.

 

I knew I was letting the situation with Ellie get out of hand, my guilt stewed in the bottom of my stomach with each glare I send over her way. Yet I couldn’t forgive her, there’s just too much to protect. She used to be one of the things I needed to protect - hell, she still is, but I couldn’t bring myself to apologise. I needed to get her to somehow prove to me she is not like them. Even though my heart tells me she means well, my brain disagrees.

 

I walked besides Jon as we left the common heading out the breakfast. There was no conversation because there didn’t need to be, our relationship has intensified, yet we are not dating or anything of the sort... He’s a warm body to lust over, don’t judge me for treating him as such. We ate in silence as the owl’s came swooping down. I noticed Ahar’s one straight away and I took the note and stuffed it in my robes. I didn’t think I’d receive a reply so soon therefore I came to the conclusion it was important. I’d have to open it at night again, as I didn’t want to be caught.

 

Jon snaked his hands around my waist, giving me a side look,  
“So-“ he began using his other, free hand to tap on the table. I knew he did this when he was up to no good and I gave him a look that’s read —‘are you serious right now?’. I pulled his sneaking hand out of my robe and tickled Ahar’s note out of his hand. He didn’t look apologetic at all.  
“You think I’m that stupid? Idiot.” I rolled my eyes. And as the bell rang signalling first lesson, we stood up together but I held him down and whispered angrily.  
“Do not try to read my private things again, mal'chik.” I released him, stepping away and following the rest of my house. Just before I left I heard Jon mutter “hot.” under his breath. I smirked.

 

The rest of the day was mundane as ever and I found myself ready to go to a DA training but decided I needed to open Ahar’s letter now. I unrolled it and read. I felt myself give a small gasp. He- he didn’t! Ahar? Our Ahar? I cursed in Russian under my breath and my once easy going look changed to brooding frown.

 

I stormed into the DA room, letting everyone stare and frown. I didn’t care at the moment I knew I just needed to fight something before I send off my reply. I began taking down training dummies, in a raging fury, not trusting myself with a living, easy to injure partner. Wordless magic made it easy to take them down, and I went through five unusually quickly. My mind was in total panic and utter disbelief. The looming sense of disappointment filled my gut as I thought about what my friend had done. What helped me come to my conclusion was the fact that I knew Ahar like the back of my hand. He’s a logical boy, he wouldn’t have done it if he could have used his smart little brain to get himself out of it. Stupid bastard, it doesn’t mean I’m not angry at him yet I know I cannot judge him, after all I’ve done things myself that I’m ashamed of. I stopped fighting, turning to pace in the corner when a strong yet small hand gripped me by my shoulder, forcing me to face them. Ah, it was Ellie’s conquest, Sefina Toala-Moa. Just when I thought my anger would die down, too. I crossed my arms over my sculptured chest and glared at her.

 

“Stop being this big brooding fucker, Volkov.” She said in mock exhaustion. I snorted and have her a judging glance.  
“You are one to talk. Do not speak to me like you can, I do not care what you have to say.” I tried to end it by turning around, my face showing no emotions as I act carelessly.  
“It’s about Ellie!” She shouted in frustration, this caught my attention. I said nothing but looked at her expectantly.  
“All that she’s doing is give, give, give! And you push her away. You pester her to join here, so she does what she can and cooks delicious food up for this army and yet it’s still not enough for you! You’re being a bastard! All she wants to do is protect her family, she has a sister she’d do anything for, and yet she risks her safety for your friendship! She loves you, Volkov!” She ranted, spitting unattractively as she talked. What she said actually made sense and I vowed to go over it later when I'd written a response to Ahar. But I wasn't going to tell her I agreed with her in any which way. Instead, I stood up expertly straight and glared her down talking very quietly so only she would hear, my eyes turning a dark blue.  
“You are one to talk Toala-Moa! I see you are taking your anger out on me, I see you’ve seemed to put a bit of truth in your argument but let me get this straight. You will not ever, shall not ever speak to me about love when you kiss and run from the only one who loves you. I love Ellie like a brother his sister, and you do not want to see what I will do to those whom strum the heart strings of someone I love so carelessly. A bit of advice, keep it up and you will be a lone wolf.”  
Sefina growled, “You don’t know my reasons! If you love her so much, prove it! Y-you’re just as bad!”  
I started to walk away, but before I left I turned to her, my silver hair swishing gracefully as I did so and with a malicious smirk I said,  
“The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.”

 

It was dark when I got back to the common room, around 1am. Everyone asleep but Jon, who was waiting up for me.  
“Why are you up?” I barked out in a whisper shout, careful not to wake up the whole of Slytherin house.  
“Ay!” he whined, “Yeh not still angry at the wee argument we had this mornin’ are yeh? I saw you sway your arse Sebby!” He said accusingly as he held up grabby hands at me.  
I stormed over to him and pulled him into a heated kiss, his stubbly chin scraping against my clean shaven face as the kiss grew into a intense make out session. His hands came to hold my waist firmly and he went to carry me to our chamber but I uncharacteristically burst into hot tears, the mood destroyed as I turned away from him in embarrassment. I stood by the window and tried to muffle my sobs.

 

He stayed where he stood for a couple of minutes before hugging me from behind and resting his head on my shoulder.  
“I can’t have been that bad of a kisser.” He chuckled as I snorted and muttered in reply,  
“It’s not you, Jon, it’s everything!” I threw my hands up in the air.  
He sighed, “Let it all out, Sebby, I’m here for you.”  
“Eleanor and her stupid, manipulative whore! Sweet Ellie getting played by a ugly cow! ‘Ooo, she's just trying to protect her family’ - what does she know?” I mocked Sefina, my hand clenching into a fist.  
“Now, Sebastian, be fair… Yeh know she’s right” he began and I went to get out of his arms but he held on tighter.  
“Yes, I know she is right!” I said hissing pushing at his chest with my shoulder, tears still strolling down my cheeks which now flushed red.  
“Then what’s all this abou'? If I didn’t know yeh, I’d think yer being awfully Gryffindor right now..” he mocked, and I turned around and frowned at him.  
“This is about this stupid fucking war, Jon! I’m trying to balance fighting with studying and all of my friends problems and I can not take it! They all come to me because I’m always the strong one! What if I can’t be strong any more Jon?” I hissed. He spun me around to face him, wiping my tears off with his thumbs.  
“Ay, it is dark times Sebby, and sometimes it’s hard, but if you break down, think about how the others are doing. They need yeh- shit- I need yeh to stay strong.” He gave me a soft kiss that filled me with a unfamiliar warm feeling in the pit of my belly.

 

We stayed like that for a while until, I grabbed his hand and pulled him off to bed. Before we drifted off I gave him a glare,  
“You speak a ounce of me crying at you and I’ll stop having sex with you.” Jon let a soft grin muttering,  
“There’s me little snake.” And I drifted off next to him, with rosy cheeks. The next morning I woke up early and headed to the Owlry. I wrote out a careful reply to Ahar, I wanted him to know I’m not mad yet disappointed.

 

'Das  
What you did was wrong. I am not going to sugar coat it, it’s bad. Yet I forgive you because we all do things we regret in life. There is no good and evil, both reside in us all. I’ve witnessed and partaken in the unforgivables, that is something I am not proud of. I know you and I know you could have saw a way out of it, yet I understand why you did it. I am disappointed but it is what it is.  
Tell Natasha. I will inform Ellie.  
Good luck you will need it.  
Volkov'


	22. Chapter Six- Ahar

For the third day in a row, I remained in bed, my blankets up around my head to shut out the world and the screams that still rang in my ears even a full seventy two hours later. So many times my mother, my brother, even Natasha have tried to come in and rouse me from my sleep, but each time I've feigned sickness. My lies are verified by the fact that I've also not stopped vomiting - every time I've tried to eat something it comes up again shortly after. My body is in a permanent cold sweat now; I'm sure I smell awful, but anyone who comes in is too polite to say.   
"Ahar?" I hear from behind the door, followed by gentle knocking. Saamir.   
"For the love of Merlin, Saamir, will you leave me alone?" I groan and throw a shoe at the door, doing my best to ignore the saddened sigh I hear from behind it. Oh well. I wouldn't want my brother looking upon a senseless sadist like me. The thought makes me wretch again, and I grab the bucket beside me only to bring up more bile from my empty stomach. 

Last night I received a letter from Sebastian, and he told me that I ought to tell Natasha what I did to poor, poor Mr Finnegan... But I'm afraid to. Natasha is the bravest soul I know, perhaps my closest friend of all time, the person who knows me better than I know myself. But if I tell her... If I tell her...   
I don't want to tell her, I don't I don't I don't I don't-  
And I'm vomiting again, as she and Mr Finnegan scream and scream and scream and scream and-  
"Ahar! Ahar Mohammed Olivad Das, you will open this door right now, or so help me young man!"   
Father. Merlin, not now...

I forced myself to stand and unlock the door with the key, having snapped my wand when - when - when -  
"What in the name of each Magical Decree are you doing, my son?" My father asks, pushing back the door and instantly lifting his hand to cover his nose. With a flick of his wand, my bed is made, the vomit is cleared from my bucket, and my lamp lights are lit. My eyes burn from the sudden light and I let out a guttural noise of pain, before shoving my head right back in to my pillow.  
"Ahar?" My father asks, calmer this time, "What have you done, son? Why do the men in the office talk?"   
My stomach twists in guilt as I realise what I should've told him all along. I need to tell him what I did, before someone else does. Gently, he sits beside me on my bed. I can't look at him, I can't I can't I can't I can't-  
"Ahar," He presses, no longer asking me to tell him, now demanding I tell him. I swallow my fear. I have to. I have to.

 

"They made me perform an interrogation," I begin, and for a moment I'm shocked by how weak my voice is, "And there was a man-"   
"Mr Finnegan," My father interrupts, surprising me slightly, "I knew he was up for questioning," He explained.  
"And they - they said you said - they wanted -" And suddenly I'm gasping for air, because I should never have ever never have ever never have ever-  
"Ahar," My father takes my hands; I had been pressing them hard against my head.   
"And I tried, father, I didn't - I wouldn't - But I had to -" My breathing is quickening but I have to tell him, "They made me, or else we'd loose - we wouldn't be able to help anymore - And I -"   
I heave heavily, and my father passes me the bucket just in time, and I'm crying, and I'm crying, and I'm vomiting and I'm crying,   
"What did you do, Ahar?" My father asks me a final time, but there's something in his voice this time, something more...   
"I used - I used it on him - Mr Finnegan -" I force myself to look him in the eyes, look my father in the eyes like I didn't look Mr Finnegan in the eyes, "I used the cruciatus curse on him, father, I used it."   
And though it's the clearest thing I've said all day, my father looks so damn confused. 

Suddenly, he stood up dropping his hold of me. I cry out, only to vomit again, this time missing the bucket. I look to him for help to clear it up but he just glares at me, so much disgust and distrust and hurt on his face-   
"Father!" I manage feebly, pleading with him. A whole conversation passes between us, just between our eyes.   
"Never," he says coldly, and I can hear the tremor in his ever-calm voice, "Never in all of my life have I ever been so disappointed with you, Ahar. I did not raise this son."   
I feel as if someone has me in a chokehold.   
"Father - But father I had to protect our role and I-"   
"We do not favour lives, Ahar! We do not kill one to protect another!" He shouts so loudly I swear the ground shakes.   
"Father," I plead, trying to stand, but he takes two steps back.   
"You ask Merlin for forgiveness, boy," He spits, looking at me like I am nothing more than shit on his shoe, "And your brother!"   
If my heart wasn't broken before, it was by the time he slams the door in my face. For another hour, four hours, four days, four years, I lay in my bed, listening to the screams run like records in my mind. It doesn't matter how long I am there for, because nobody is looking. I think of my father telling my mother... Her precious Ya Ahar, the torturer, the sadist, the swine flu of the human race. I think of Saamir overhearing them, and finding out his brother is in league with those who are calling for his execution. I think of Natasha. I think of Natasha's father, dear old Mr Donnelly. Could I listen to his screams? Could I be the one to make him scream?

"They made me perform an interrogation," I begin, and for a moment I'm shocked by how weak my voice is, "And there was a man-"  
"Mr Finnegan," My father interrupts, surprising me slightly, "I knew he was up for questioning," He explained.  
"And they - they said you said - they wanted -" And suddenly I'm gasping for air, because I should never have ever never have ever never have ever-  
"Ahar," My father takes my hands; I had been pressing them hard against my head.  
"And I tried, father, I didn't - I wouldn't - But I had to -" My breathing is quickening but I have to tell him, "They made me, or else we'd loose - we wouldn't be able to help anymore - And I - And I -"  
I heave heavily, and my father passes me the bucket just in time, and I'm crying, and I'm crying, and I'm vomiting and I'm crying,  
"What did you do, Ahar?" My father asks me a final time, but there's something in his voice this time, something more...  
"I used - I used it on him - Mr Finnegan -" I force myself to look him in the eyes, look my father in the eyes like I didn't look Mr Finnegan in the eyes, "I used the cruciatus curse on him, father, I used it."  
And though it's the clearest thing I've said all day, my father looks so damn confused. 

Suddenly, he stood up dropping his hold of me. I cry out, only to vomit again, this time missing the bucket. I look to him for help to clear it up but he just glares at me, so much disgust and distrust and hurt on his face-   
"Father!" I manage feebly, pleading with him. A whole conversation passes between us, just between our eyes.   
"Never," he says coldly, and I can hear the tremor in his ever-calm voice, "Never in all of my life have I ever been so disappointed with you, Ahar. I did not raise this son."   
I feel as if someone has me in a chokehold.   
"Father - But father I had to protect our role and I-"   
"We do not favour lives, Ahar! We do not kill one to protect another!" He shouts so loudly I swear the ground shakes.   
"Father," I plead, trying to stand, but he takes two steps back.   
"You ask Merlin for forgiveness, boy," He spits, looking at me like I am nothing more than shit on his shoe, "And your brother!"   
If my heart wasn't broken before, it was by the time he slams the door in my face. For another hour, four hours, four days,  
four years, I lay in my bed, listening to the screams run like records in my mind. It doesn't matter how long I am there for, because nobody is looking. I think of my father telling my mother... Her precious Ya Ahar, the torturer, the sadist, the scum of the human race. I think of Saamir overhearing them, and finding out his brother is in league with those who are calling for his execution. I think of Natasha. I think of Natasha's father, dear old Mr Donnelly. Could I listen to his screams? Could I be the one to make him scream? 

"Ahar?" A softer voice calls me again. Tasha. Of course.   
I force myself in to a sitting position and watch as she edges in to my bedroom, shutting the door behind her.   
"Are you okay?" She asks seriously, leaning against the door as she shuts it, "I heard your dad, he was pretty harsh. Did you get caught smuggling someone out?"   
And I look at her. I look at my best friend. I look at my best friend who gave up her family to save them, went on the run to save herself, and tries harder and harder every day to prepare herself to save so many others in the inevitable battle.   
"Natasha," I look her straight in the eyes, or as much as I can through my tears, "I used the cruciatus curse on someone."


	23. Chapter Six- Natasha

Ahar’s woeful words rang in my ears and I could not believe what I heard. Not him. He wouldn’t. It felt like I had been plunged into ice. I stared at Ahar, seeing the sorrows and guilt that was consuming him. I knew he would not lie, it must be true. I then slid down the side of his locked door, shuddering in disbelief.

I couldn’t bring myself to speak at first. My mind too busy occupying my panicked thoughts. I sat shaking, remembering the flash of red light and the pain that still made me tingle all over. My body began to shake and my head filled with my own screams. I covered my ears, muttering shut up over and over until finally I realised I had screamed it out loud at a guilt ridden Ahar who had tried to comfort me.

He reached out to me again, but I visibly flinched back. Consumed by grief, I moved on from denial to my old friend; anger.  
“Y-you do not have the right to try and comfort me after - after what you have done!” I shouted shaking still but more vigorously as a new found hatred I had for him filled me, making me feel sick.  
Ahar began to shake himself, but I had no regards from him at this moment in time.   
“Y-you can’t choose who to save and who isn’t worth saving Ahar!” I spat, “No matter how smart you are. You are not a God. S-surely you could have used that oversized brain of yours and thought of a way out? Y-you always do!” I stared him dead in eyes, wanting an answer. I hit the next stage in my grief as I tried to bargain with myself that he must have found a way, that this must be a sick joke.

He shook his head and spoke with a warn out, hoarse voice.   
“There was no way Tasha, no way out. And I- And I - I didn’t want to you have to know what I did, I didn’t!” He begged and the vomiting started up again. I felt all the fight drain out of me as I watch him empty the non existing contents of his stomach. I knew in my heart that he wouldn’t have done it if he could see a way out of it. I stood up my legs shaking and wobbled over to him. I engulfed him in a hug and looked away as I began spilling the contents of my own experience with the curse.

“I haven’t told you this, in fear of pity…” I took a deep breath and he looked at me with his guilty eyes yet I still saw a hint of his usual curiosity. Despite what he had done and the situation I found myself in, I was relieved to see a bit of the Ahar I know and love in there. It sounds so silly, yet I feared from the moment he told me that he had changed. That he was bored of saving us, saving me. I feared the boy who I admire for his ability not to hold judgement had gone. As this shell of the boy I once knew lay dishevelled. I took another deep breath,  
“Before I was taken to the ministry, the snatchers... they used that same curse on me. The pain isn’t something I could describe to you Ahar, but it’s not something I’d ever thought you, yourself would inflict on others.” I turned to look at him and it broke me, the sight of him. He’s normally so clean and uncluttered with how he looks yet his hair was greasy, his mouth had traces of sick on it and he smelled unbearable. 

“I’m so sorry Natasha.,” he wept, “If I could take it back, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I didn’t want to, you must understand I didn’t want to.” I nodded my head, yes. I knew he would never want to.  
I took his hands in mine and despite my anger, I knew I had to forgive him. Ahar will only beat himself up over this. It wasn't fair for me to keep a grudge over him when he himself is just trying to survive like the rest of us.

“I forgive you, Ahar Das. I forgive you because I know you. I know you’d never, ever go against your beliefs for any other reason except the fact that your family was endangered. I know your position is vital for saving muggleborns and we are so grateful,” He shook as I spoke these words to him, muttering something I couldn’t quiet understand under his breath, “Promise me if it comes to something like this again you will not do it. If not for me, then for yourself.”  
He nodded, muttering a yes. We stayed like that in silence for a few minutes when a small knock could be heard on the door. Ahar and I looked at each other, it could be no one else but Saamir. Ahar gave me pleading puppy dog eyes and I knew he couldn’t face his younger brother in fear of shame. I smiled at him and walked out of the room to meet with Saamir.

“Oh! Tasha?” He frowned when he wasn’t met with Ahar - clearly he didn’t know I had went in there.  
“Yeah, sorry little guy, Ahar’s still sick, he needs rest.” I gave his forearm a light squeeze of comfort.  
“Oh, right well..” he began nervously, “Father seems angry, and he's never ever angry, and he said to mother that ‘we can no longer host them Amal’, and I think 'them' might be the muggleborns, and, you know, you.” He looked deeply saddened by this and my breath hitched at the idea of being away from this homily environment.

“I’m sure there is a good reason - maybe you heard wrong - why don’t we go and ask Aunty Amal?” He nodded and took my arm, leading me to his mother. The familiar crack of disappartion was heard and I knew Ahar’s father had gone to cool off. It was in the living room where we met Amal, who’s soft comforting smile had left her face.

Amal turned to me, “We are going to have to move you all. Father is concerned with the nature of Ahar’s actions…” she stuttered when she spoke, clearly what he did unnerved her.  
“He wouldn’t harm us.” I stood my ground, Saamir looked at us both confused but didn’t speak. He watched us observing everything we said clearly trying to deduce what Ahar had done. My heart swelled with pride as I thought he’d belong so well in Ravenclaw house with his brother, if not in Hufflepuff for his emotional awareness.

Aunty Amal shook her head,  
“No, Natasha, that is not what I meant. We fear the ministry will be onto us soon,” Her words held a great edge to them. Saamir gasped and we all stood there unable to think of any words to say when that same loud crack of disapprating happened and Mr Das stood beside his wife.  
“I have a solution. Myself and a few others have been working along side Dumbledore’s brother to find a new —” he was cut off by an excited Saamir.  
“Safe house! At Hogwarts!” He said in total awe. His father couldn’t bring himself to discipline him for obviously listening in to his private conversations.  
“Yes, a safe house at Hogwarts,” Mr. Das spoke softly, “Please inform the others we will be leaving shortly.”  
Saamir and I nodded and I went to tell the others the good news.

It wasn’t till a few hours later when Aunty Amal floo-ed us one by one to the safehouse that I came to the joyous realisation that I’d meet with Ellie and Sebastian soon. Yet when dropping off the other refugees, Amal kept me behind with her hand on my shoulder, stopping me from stepping in to the fireplace. She whispered very quietly in my ear.  
“Please stay with us, Natasha. Saamir could use your company... I fear Ahar won’t be his usual self for a while. My sons, they need you... And I wouldn't want to disappoint your own mother in not keeping you safe myself.”  
Despite the deep desire to reconnect with Ellie and Sebastian after so long, I found that I couldn’t abandon Ahar now. With slight apathy, I agreed to stay.


	24. Chapter Six- Eleanor

Nervous sweat began to build up in my palms as I walked towards the Room of Requirement, but not because I was out of bed after curfew. I'd walked this corridor a thousand times since becoming Dumbledore's Army's chef (along with Evie, of course) but today I wasn't making a food delivery. The only thing I had to deliver today was my service and loyalty to the cause. And sweaty palms. I was sure Natasha had showed me a muggle song about sweaty palms. Something about a mum's spaghetti or something similar sounding... Ennyem? Enenem? I can't remember - not that that's relevant now. Nothing but joining the group I should've joined far sooner mattered right now. After what felt like a decade I reached the centre of the wall, where the doors began to appear. I gave a short, nervous knock.  
"Who the fuck- Wait, Eleanor?" Ginny's eyes widened as she opened the door, "What are you doing here? You delivered dinner ages ago - nice lasagne, by the way - but still," She looked me over, her face full of concern. I felt myself blush a little - I'd always had the slightest crush on Ginny, even though she was a year younger than me.  
"It was Evie's work, really, not mine," I laughed awkwardly, rocking on my ankles, "So, uh, can I some in? I need to talk to you."  
"I mean... Sure," She shrugged but continued to look concerned as she opened the door widely. I stepped inside, quietly as possible, not wanting to wake anyone who was sleeping.

For a secret room, it was gigantic. Rows of hammocks lined up and down - there had to be about fifty odd, I reckoned. One side of the room had another door, marked simply with 'bathroom', and in another corner was a lot of training equipment, not unlike the sort we used to use in Defence Against the Dark Arts.  
"Cosy, eh?" Ginny grinned and gave me a hearty pat on the shoulder, "Can I get you a cuppa, Ellie?"  
I thanked her for the offer but declined it, choosing to sit down on a worn (but comfy) beanbag. After a few minutes, Ginny came and sat beside me. Just a few metres away sat Sefina, who was peering at me with a slight smirk over the top of her mug. I blushed even deeper this time and tugged gently at my curls to distract myself from her gaze.  
"So," Ginny began, sipping her tea, "What is it, Ellie?"  
"I - If I - If it isn't too late, I, uh... I want to join up. The army. Can I join up to Dumbledore's Army?" I staggered out, squeezing my fists together in my lap. Though she didn't look angry, as I was worried she would have been, Ginny looked rather surprised.  
"Are you sure, Eleanor?" She frowned slightly, but not in an intimidating way, "I mean, what with your parents-"  
"They don't know." I blurted. She raised her eyebrows at me again.  
"And you're certain?" She pressed, sipping her tea again. Something flashed in her eyes, concern, perhaps?  
"Positive," I breathed. It was then I realised how true it was. I wanted to join up more than anything, better late than never, but still I wanted it so badly. I had to fight. If my parents wouldn't, I had to.  
"Okay - You're in!" She grinned and gave me a bone crushing hug, "Welcome to the family Ellie!"  
For the first time in months, I felt myself smile a full, genuine smile. 

Over the next hour I made my way about the room, hugging those I knew in celebration and introducing myself warmly to those I didn't. So many expressed kind words about Evie and I's cooking (though I was always quick to tell them the majority of the hard work was Evie's) and not one person had a bad word to say to me. That was, until, I saw Sebastian walk in. Oh, my, Bathilda Bagshot. Within seconds of seeing me he was storming fast across the room, his expression unreadable, heading straight for me.  
"I-I-I-" I stumbled over my word again and again as Seb reached me, took my hand and pulled me in to the bathroom. I'd seen Sebastian this determined before - when he danced, when he went on a passionate rant. But I'd never seen him this... I don't know... It was almost like he was possessed.  
"Eleanor," he said, looking me dead in the eyes as the bathroom door clicked shut.  
"Sebastian, I-"  
But then, the strangest, most wonderful thing happened; he hugged me.  
And I hugged him back.  
And in moments I was crying in to his shoulder, comforted by the pine-soap smell of his jumper and his hand rubbing my back. I'm not sure how long we stood like that for, just holding each other, but I know it will never feel like it was long enough. 

Sebastian was the first to pull away, and to my surprise I could see he was almost on the brink of tears himself.  
"Oh, sweet one," he cupped my pudgy cheeks in his hands, wiping away my tears as the fell with his thumbs, his voice soft, "I'm so sorry, Eleanor, I'm so sorry."  
"It's okay, Seb," I murmured, sniffing heavily before taking his hands off of my face just to hold.  
"It's not okay, Ellie. I was... I was being irrational. I didn't not stop to listen to your words. I know you'd never betray me, or Tasha, or Ahar," He shook his head at himself, "You are not the unkind words I spoke of you, Ellie, I swear on my Babushka."  
My breathing was rugged from the crying, but I nodded, squeezing his hands before hugging him tightly once again.  
"I joined Dumbledore's Army. And, you know, not just for cooking. For fighting. I'm going to fight for the cause. For our Tasha." I told him with a shy smile. To my surprise, he frowned like Ginny had.  
"But Eleanor - your parents -" he began, but I pressed my fingertips gently to his lips to quieten him. I did not want to feel any more guilty than I already did about going against their explicit rules.  
"My parents are doing what they can to protect their children, Sebastian, but that does not mean I have to do the same as them. Well, so long as I don't get caught here." I explained, laughing nervously. His eyes flashed with something - Worry? Confusion? - but whatever it was, he beamed at me widely seconds later and hugged me for a third time. I was in the DA. Natasha was safe. Sebastian was back. Everything, for the first time since this all began, began to look a little bit brighter.

That night I walked back to my dormitory with a spring in my step, and to my delighted surprise, hand in hand with Sefina. Recently, she had been doing these little things again. Holding my hand in the dark. Resting her head on my shoulder in the Great Hall. Touching my knee under the desk in class. When we arrived, I couldn't help be a little pleased that our dormitory was empty; Susan Bones and Hannah Abbott both slept in the Room of Requirement now. After a few minutes of quiet spooning, she rolled over to face me, the tips of our noses brushing. I looked at my dark skin contrasting to her lighter tan, my thick black afro curls twisted with her silky black ribbon-like hair. Soon, our noses were past bushing and we were kissing, like there hadn't been seven months between now and the last kiss, like she needed me a little bit more than she let on. Suddenly, I felt her hand against the top of my sleep shorts, and I felt my skin burn in anticipation. Would tonight be the night?

After a few moments, I pulled back from her, brushing her hair behind her ear.  
"Sefina Toloa-Moa," I kissed her once more, before looking her in the eyes, "Will you be my girlfriend?"  
I swear I almost felt the temperature drop as she pulled out of my arms. I sat up smiling, only to be met with a glare.  
"Ellie, I thought we'd talked about this," She sighed and removed herself from the bright yellow covers. I sat up fast, trying to slide out of bed as elegantly as she had. I tried to sound not as pathetic as I felt,  
"But, I thought -" I looked at her and swallowed deeply, "But you kissed me, Sef, you always kiss me."  
"A kiss isn't a commitment, Ellie," she huffed, like I was overreacting. I felt my cheeks burn red, but I didn't stop.  
"You said you loved me," I half-whispered, half-whined. For a moment, she looked over at me, then crossed the room to embrace me. I felt better, for a moment, until she spoke.  
"I can love you and not want a commitment, Ellie, I don't want to be tied down!" I stiffened in her arms, and she must of felt it, because she let go, "Besides, Ells, you won't even let me do little more than touch your butt..."  
I withdrew myself from her hold immediately, shocked.  
"Well, I don't want to do that, you know, that stuff without having a commitment!" I snapped louder than I meant to. Sefina's glare returned, and I shrank back.  
"Sebastian would do it," she sniped. I left the room without another word.

Surprise, surprise, I was crying again by the time I reached the bottom of the staircase. I was so confused; I didn't understand why I had to, you know, do things with Sefina for her to love me enough for us to become exclusive. I mean, I was a virgin, I'd never ever been with anyone like that, and Sef had come closer than anyone else. I'd never even kissed anyone apart from Sef... Well, apart from Seb that one time - but that was just so I could double check I was (and I was) most definitely a lesbian.  
"Something wrong, Eleanor?" A soft voice asked. I turned around, surprised anyone was still awake.  
"Samuele?" I asked, before catching sight of him in an armchair across the room. I walked over slowly, unsurely. Samuele Genovese was a strikingly handsome boy in the year below me, but sadly he was as intimidating as he was handsome. It was confirmed when the war began back in August that after many years of speculation that he and his family are You-Know-Who supporters. But, I felt there was more to him than rumours. I'd heard that his younger brother had been killed in a skirmish involving deatheaters... He was all around a rather sweet boy, and I found myself sitting down in the chair opposite him, even though I perhaps shouldn't.  
"These are hard times, Samuele," I sighed but gave him a slight smile. He returned it.  
"You feel as if you know it all, only to realise you know nothing at all," he added wisely. I nodded. As we sat in the silence, watching the fire, I realised that we were just kids. Just kids caught in wars, inside other wars. Not so similar, yet, not so different. 

I realised right now I needed advice, good advice, and I knew who to go to find it. Natasha.  
'The badger wants to play in the lion's den.' I wrote, addressed to Ahar, and sent it on an owl Samuele kindly let me borrow.


	25. Chapter 7 Sebastian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay in between college and sleep I haven't had much time for AO3 but charlie managers the Quotev (main) area for this story so if you'd like to have more frequent updates be sure to check us out on that!

   
As the holidays approached, Ellie and I returned to our previous level of friendship. We had a long talk where we spilled our heart to each other and let out all our troubles that were building up inside for the past five months. It fell good to tell her things freely and not have a burning anger whenever certain topics arose. I told her about Ahar, she seemed naturally upset but understanding of him, I decided they can sort it out between them, I’ve had my peace with it.

 

It was time to go home for Easter which I was unusually excited for. Hogwarts is dark these days, without Professor Dumbledore’s twinkling eyes and reassurance. Snape was formidable and the amount of workload is truly mean, though it’s not like I struggle. Merlin, some students need to wish for an Easter miracle they’re about as dumb as those beasts whom guard Malfoy (Crab? Doyel?). Jon told me that Draco Malfoy was as straight as can be but by the amount of times I’ve tried to study in the common room and failed due to the mass mounts of ‘Potter’ talk, you wouldn't believe it. Seriously, my fellow house members made a code word so you don’t walk in on Draco Malfoy and his Pitiful Potter Rants. I glanced at Malfoy, he looked a lot less smug, and it had been months since his last potter rant. That’s what people seem to forget, us Slytherin don’t usually have a choice. More often than not it’s join our parents or die. Only a few of us are lucky to be neutral in this war.

 

I was walking besides Ellie, ready to catch the train home, the conversation was light and random. Once we got in our compartment, I rested my feet up on the empty seat besides her. She flicked them off, so I did it again. She just shrugged and raised an eyebrow at me but I saw a small smirk on her face. Not thinking too much of it at the time I closed my eyes, readying the train to move. My feet got knocked off again.  
“Eleanor!” I groaned opening my eyes to scold her but found that an ugly beast stood above me.  
“Oh no no no, what’s this doing in here?” I glared at Ellie but she frowned at my rudeness and before she could answer, Sefina spoke.  
“This, is sharing this compartment. Now move your feet, Volkov, or would you rather I sat next to you?”  
I glared looking at her, then at my legs, and back at her smug face.  
“There’s no room for you my feet need a place to sit, and my bags too. Shoo, go where you’re wanted.”  
"Sebastian!" Ellie hissed my name and only for her I moved my feet to let the bitch sit. I formed a plan in my head, I stood up, kissed Ellie’s cheek and muttered about my return and set off to find Jon.

 

I found him in a compartment with his usual mix of Slytherin and Ravenclaw friends — the most deadly pairing. I knocked on the door and a tall, muscular Ravenclaw opened it and when I asked for Jon the rest of the “lads” — that’s what Natasha said was the correct term to use for boys with too much dumb testosterone — whistled and slapped him on the shoulder. He smiled up at me and followed me to my compartment when I asked to share, he winked and gave a rude gesture to his friends when they yet again whistled. Honestly, sometimes I don’t understand my gender I mean it’s not like I asked him to come and have se— oh, oh Merlin. Boys are stupid. I smirked, this will work to my advantage greatly.

 

Back in my compartment I sat down, Jon looked at me, then at Sefina and then Ellie, then sat down closing the door. It was tense.  
“Sooooooo…” he dragged on. Looking between the three of us again before turning to Ellie.  
“You’re a lesbian correct?” He looked between the two ladies. Ellie blushed and nodded. Jon turned to me and whined accusingly.  
“Aye, you led me ‘ere for shit Sebby, little bastard.” But I knew him well enough that he’ll stay, if not for me then because he doesn’t want to be rude to Ellie. I smiled; she’s a good manipulative tool when you need her. Ah, how bittersweet it is to be nice.  
“Do you three want to play exploding snap?” I asked Ellie and Jon.  
Ellie and Jon share a look, and Ellie looks at Sefina nervously. But I smiled at Jon, “Don’t worry about the little goblin in the corner totally irrelevant.” I patted his arm. He laughed but gave me a warning look as did Ellie.

 

I decided to speak to her in French that way our guests won’t understand.  
“Why is she here?” I asked.  
“Je l'ai invitée à Sebastian.” She frowned. Why would she invite her? Silly girl.  
“Why didn’t you ask me first?” I whined.  
“Tu n'es pas mon père! Avez-vous un problème avec Sefina?" She hissed, reminding me I wasn't he father and asking why I hated the stupid Hawaiian conquest, her Hufflepuff loyalty coming to play.  
“Do you want a list?” I replied but before either of us could continue, Sefina spoke out, in French.  
“Je ne suis pas stupide, Volkov. Je connais la langue maternelle de Ellie. Maintenant, arrêtez-vous de bitching et suck it up!”

 

Jon looked around and sighed, Ellie gave him a sympathetic look. Sefina’s French was all over the place, telling me to shut up and stop bitching. The nerve of it. Clearly she was self taught which I can admire even though I hate the bitch. I went to give a sassy reply but Jon kissed me, cutting off my remark. It made my pale skin blush a horrid red. Ellie giggled, her eyes widened at the utter shock of my face. You see, I’m no stranger to PDA but sometimes I like too keep it quiet, dancing, kissing, hugging my friends. That’s okay, but Jon? For some reason unknown to me it made me want to keep what we have, and lock it away, I especially didn’t want Sefina to see.

 

After than we all sat in a mutual silence, only Ellie and Jon talking among themselves, thankfully Ellie didn’t share any embarrassing stories about me, yet I know it’s because I could rat on her about all the truly hilarious shit she’s done. soon we arrived at King’s cross, and before I could wave bye to Ellie she pulled me aside to talk.

 

“Sebastian I really don’t appreciate your attitude when Sefina is around.”  
“Then don’t bring her around.” I stated  
“Don’t be such a child! She’s my girlfriend, she’s going to be be around more than you’d like!” She hissed.  
“Oh! Girlfriend, I didn’t know you know with all the other people she’s whoring around with.” I replied  
“We’re just-just not labelled, but it doesn't matter, okay?" She sighed, "And she is not whoring with anyone!"  
“Don’t worry Ellie, I’ll be nice to the whore, just be careful, yes?”  
She nodded and we parted was, I turned to say goodbye to Jon and wish him well but he seemed to have already left.

 

I set off to find my Babuska, it was hard to spot her, expect I noticed she was giggling with a tall boy close to the entrance. I felt the blood drain out of me when I noticed Jon was the boy. Oh no, no, she’s going to tell him everything. This is worse than Ellie!

 

I rushed over to them and they stopped talking instantly, and my Babushka turned and scolded me in Russian.  
“You didn’t introduce me to this lovely boy! I could have knit him one of those jumpers. Now I don’t have time you little fucker. Wait until we get home, and I won’t be so nice.” She hissed before turning to Jon with a warm smile, kissing him in both cheeks.  
“Jon you have my details. You owl me if my Sebby is giving you trouble okay?” Jon nodded and smirked at me, and as I turned to leave he slapped my ass, and winked.  
That marked the start of my holiday, who knew what was in store for me when I got home…


	26. Chapter 7 Eleanor

Despite my best efforts I couldn't help but feel downtrodden after enduring a whole train journey of Sefina and Sebastian sniping and spitting at each other like a pair of six year olds. Honestly, neither of them seem to understand that if I choose to forgive one of them, it's likely I'll forgive the other... Then again, half the time I swear it's not even me they're arguing over! They just seem to be compelled to constantly compete against one another. Thank Merlin Jon was there to provide comedic relief or I think I might have gone Trelawny-level mad... But still, it was quite obvious he was only there for Sebastian... I stifled a snort-laugh as I thought of Jon's face when he realised that Sef and I were in the carriage as well. I think he might have been after some - well - quality alone time with Sebastian.  
"What is it that is funny, Eleanor?" Papa asked me in his soft French purr, still keeping his eyes on the road. In France they drive on the right, not the left, and I think he has to focus extra hard when he drives not to forget.   
"Nothing, papa," I smiled back and gave the hand he had on the steering stick a gentle squeeze, "Just Sebastian giving me a chuckle is all."  
I swear I saw my fathers jaw tighten for a moment when I mentioned Sebastian, but he quickly returned my smile. For an hour or so, we drove in silence, singing along to the Whitney Houston CD my father always kept in his player. However, as we turned in to our street, my father stopped the car and turned to me. 

"Eleanor, my star," he began, still not looking at me, "You know your mother and I... We love you, yes? We do the things for the best of you."  
"You do things that are best for me," I corrected his grammar, but nodded in understanding, "Oui, papa."   
"We - I always liked Sebastian as family," he continued, running a hand back through his short, greying dreadlocks, "But we don't speak about him now, or your other friend. Only Ahar."  
I began to open my mouth, ready to argue with him about how stupidly unfair it was that they had cut Sebastian off from our family after all these years just because he was braver than us so fought for the cause, but my father interrupted me,   
"We do this - I do this for your safety, Eleanor," he coughed and I swear I saw him wiping his eyes as he brought a hanky up to his face, "Everything your mother and I do, Eleanor, we do it for you. D'autres choses peuvent nous changer, mais nous commencer et finir comme une famille."  
'Other things may change us, but we start and end as family'.  
"Oui, papa," I agreed quietly and pulled him in to a tight hug, running my fingers in to his dreadlocks and burying my head in his shoulder like I was a little girl again, like Elspeth. Even as I hugged him, even as he opened up to me, I couldn't help but wonder why he couldn't apply that logic to Sebastian and Natasha, too.

When papa and I walked down the hall, I heard a soft thudding coming from the ballroom, which made me grin. Only a moment later the heavy double doors were flung back to reveal Elspeth who ran towards me, her arms held up for me to catch her.   
"Ellie!" She squealed, flinging herself at me and clinging on like a little koala bear. I held her tight and spun her around, again and again, until I was stumbling and dizzy.   
"Papa did not let me go with him to collect you," she pouted, playing with my necklace absent-mindedly, "he says it was too dangerous."   
I exchanged a look with my father, who gave me a grim nod over Elspeth's shoulder.   
"The world is a dangerous place, Elsie," I told her, setting her back down on the floor, "but you and me are going to make it better. I'll always keep you safe, little elf."   
She gave me another hug and ran off back to the ballroom, where she was playing one of my old classical records. For a while my father and I watched her dance across the room. She was dancing Janet Collins' 'Out of This World' ballet piece - it's old, but traditionally black, and I loved watching how each time she restarted the record her movements became a little tighter, her toes a little more pointed, her pirouettes a little neater. When I was younger I danced ballet too but I never had the ambition to stick at it. However, I think if Elspeth continued to train as hard as she does now, she'd make a perfect partner for Sebastian by her fourteenth birthday.  
"Eleanor, you are home," my mother's familiar drawl crept up on my father on I, and we turned to face her, "come, we must discuss our situation."

Begrudgingly I followed her back down the hallway to the living room, taking a seat in my favourite purple armchair whilst my mother and father took the matching sofa. Silence fell between us, interrupted by nothing but the distant sounds of piano and violin.  
"Your father and I have come to an understanding, Eleanor," mother begun, and instantly sweat started to build up in my clenched fists. I wiped my palms on my chubby thighs, afraid of what I was about to hear next. Every time mother and father 'come to an understanding' it was usually something bad.   
"Oui, mama," I pressed her to continue, "And what have you decided?"   
"You will not be going back to Hogwarts."   
I was too stunned to speak.  
"... Excusez-moi?" I managed, slipping in to French out of shock. Not go back to Hogwarts? I couldn't just not go back. The Carrows would be furious! And Seb... Oh, Merlin, Seb would never forgive me if I left now.  
"Your behaviour at that school is putting this entire family at risk, Eleanor," mother hissed, a single curl unpinning itself from her immaculate bun as she shook her head at me, "Enough is enough! Vous ne retournez pas dans cette école!"

But before she could finish telling me she forbid me from returning to school, was on my feet and running from the room. I could hear her shouting at me to come back downstairs but it was too late, because I'd already reached the top and I was pushing open my bedroom door, grabbing my trunk and waving my wand around my bedroom, filling it to the brim with all of my good clothes and important belongings. Tears blurred my vision as I slammed the lid down and locked the trunk once again. I grabbed my pouch of flu powder and was about to haul my trunk into my bedroom fireplace when there was a soft knock at the door. 

"Allez-vous en!" I shouted, no, screamed, at whoever it was to go away, but immediately stop when I hear a little, tearful, "Ellie?"  
I rushed to my bedroom door and pulled it open, falling to my knees in front of Elspeth. Guilt flushed over me as she cries in my arms, begging me again and again not to leave,  
"Rester! Rester!" she pleaded with me to stay, gripping on to my cardigan with both hands as if she could hold me hard enough I wouldn't be able to move. I hushed her, ignoring my parents yelling downstairs as they run end over end trying to decide what to do about me and my 'attitude'. Finally, Eslpeth's sobs become hiccups and she calmed down. I brought her in to my room and set her down on my bed, locking my door behind us so mother and father couldn't interrupt.   
"Pars-tu parce que je suis coquina?" She asked me if I was leaving because she wass naughty, and it broke, broke and boke my heart.  
"Non, non," I reassured her, "Je vous adore."   
"Et je vous adore," She tells me she loves me too, and I stood, leaving her sat on the bed alone. Carefully, I took off my necklace, perhaps my most prized possession. It's a simple but gorgeous silver, with an emerald green music note charm hanging from it. It was a gift from Sebastian, one he gave me the night of the Yule Ball, and I've worn it every day since. But, in that moment, it only felt right to clasp it around Elspeth's neck. A necklace I loved above all else for my sister, who I loved above all else. Then, whilst she held it up to her face to look at it, I kissed her on the head, tugged my trunk into the fireplace and threw down the green powder in my fist. The last thing I saw as I shouted Ahar's address was Elspeth's little brown eyes, watching me, watching me leave her behind.

Though it feels like centuries, only seconds pass before I land in a heap in Ahar's basement living room. I cough and splutter the smoke out of my lungs, before a pair of arms lift me to my feet.   
"Ahar?" I assumed, based on the strength of them, but as I turned around I realised it was actually Saamir. My word in the name of magic, that boy, that boy... He looks more and more like his brother every time I see him. Laughing, he pulled me in to a tight hug and tugged gently on my ponytail.   
"Ellie! Nobody told me you were coming!" he cheered and spun me around - I noticed then he was ever so slightly taller than me, and it made me feel old in a way only Elspeth only ever made me feel. My heart sank as I thought of her alone with mother and father's arguing.

"Nobody knew she was coming," Ahar adds from the doorway, where he stands with his arms folded. As Saamir and I break apart I held my arms open for Ahar, who shook his head at me; smiling still, but so falsely, it unnerved me. But before my stomach - and smile - could drop completely, a blur of red hair shot towards me and tackled me in a hug that toppled us both to the floor. Natasha.  
"Oh my sweet baby Jesus, you're here! You're here!" She shook me all-too excitedly and I found myself laughing so hard I thought my sides would split. We must have looked an utter mess by the time we finally stood up. There was something about Tasha that just lit up a room, that made you smile when you wanted to cry, you know?  
"Why did you bring your trunk?" Ahar asked, hauling it out of the fireplace for me. Both Saamir and Tasha shot me concerned looks. I gave them both an awkward grin.  
"I need a place to stay."

"Really, Ellie-na, Sahir and I never turn you away, do not be silly," Ahar's mother, Mrs Das - or Aunty Amal, as she insists - bustles about the kitchen, boiling the kettle and getting out her biscuit tin, "Not stay with your Aunty and Uncle, how silly!"   
"Are you sure? I didn't realised it was so, you know, full here," I gestured about the cramped kitchen. Natasha and I were sat the two person table in the corner, leaving Saamir and Ahar to stand uncomfortably between the fridge and door so as to not get under Aunty Amal's feet, "I could stay in a bed and breakfast, instead, it's only for a few weeks-"   
At that point, Aunty Amal spun around from the tea she was preparing. With one hand on her hip, and the other pointing her teaspoon at me, she began to scold me in what I personally thought was the most heart-warming way possible,   
"Now you listen here, Ya Ellie-na, and you listen big. I not putting Natasha on the streets when she need a home, and I not putting you on the streets either. You come in to my baby Ahar's life, you his friend, you his family," She stopped pointing and I heard her swallow, before she quickly wiped her eyes "That mean you are my baby too, Ellie-na, and you, Natasha. You my family too. No more silly suggestions!" 

I feel my eyes well up and I sniff heavily, not wanting to cry in front of the boys. Across the table, Natasha squeezes my hand, and I think I hear her sniff too. When I try to thank her, Aunty Amal just swats a hand at me and passes me my tea, giving me a quick hug as she does so. I've known Ahar since we were tiny, and Aunty Amal and Uncle Sahir have always been the closest thing to family I ever had beyond my parents and Elspeth. But today, I think my gratitude towards them all has tripled.   
"Come on, Ellie, Ahar, we can sit in my room," Natasha leads us out, but Ahar coughs awkwardly,  
"I've got some studying I need to catch up on - I'll hang out in a bit, alright?" he - I can see it in his face - lies. Natasha and I exchange looks, but she just rolls her eyes.  
"Whatever, c'mon, Ells!" She takes my arm and tugs me in to a smallish room. I pass her my tea and cast a multiplier spell on her mattress so I have a bed of my own. The spell only half works - I get a largish pillow instead of the full mattress. Before I can try again, Natasha takes my wand and casts it again. This time, it actually works. I must look as shocked as I feel because she lets out a little laugh.   
"I've been training - plus, Ahar's dad got me a new wand, because me old one got tagged," She grins. Merlin, I've missed that little scouse accent of hers. We take our teas and sit cross legged, facing each other at last. 

"So how are you?" I ask, softly, not wanting to sound over eager. Her eyes flash with panic, but she smiles back at me,  
"I'm okay!" She tries to hold my gaze, but if there's one thing I'm good at, it's getting people to talk. She shifts uncomfortably, but shrugs,  
"It is what it is, isn't it? Life's just a bit shit sometimes," she looks down in to her tea, then back up at me again, "Jesus, Ellie, would you quick looking at me like that? You's got eyes like a blessed cow, you know that? Them bloody eyelashes..."   
The comparison makes me snort-laugh, and we both giggle. This is what I love about Natasha; when she has a laugh it's just a laugh. She's not trying to one up you like Sebastian, or being sarcastic when you don't get something, like Ahar. She's just funny, and kind. No malice, just good giggles.  
That's not going to make me lessen my pressing.  
"So how are you really?" I ask again, after our giggles die down. This time, she's not prepared for it, and her face crumples a little. Her fingers trace the handle of her mug.   
"No one's asked me that," She says quietly. I move a little closer, but stay shtum. She looks up to what I guess must be a false window made from magic, since this entire place is underground. It goes from a light, sunny blue to an overcast grey almost instantly. I'm about to ask about it, but she continues.

"It was stormy for ages after Ahar told-" She stops and looks at me, but I nod.  
"Sebastian told me about what Ahar did," I confirm the question I can see she was about to ask, "It's okay. I mean, it's not okay, but I know," I hesitate, but only for a moment, "Is that why he's all, you know..."  
"Depressed as hell? Yeah, I assume so," She shrugs, "I don't get why though, it's Mr Finnegan that felt it rip though him, tear him, cut him-"  
Her voice begins to wobble and I catch her mug in my free hand and put both of them down before she curls up in on herself. I move to sit by her and pull her into a full body hug, hushing her like I did Elspeth only a few hours ago. A few tears spill from her eyes but she wipes them away aggressively. I catch her hand and hold it so she has to let them fall.  
"Why didn't you tell me that happened to you?" I ask after a while, after her tears slow and her body relaxes.  
"Didn't want you all worried and sympathetic - it's happened to loads of people," she sits up and stretches like she's finished a good nap, not a little crying session. My face hardens.  
"Just because it's happened to you doesn't mean you can't feel it, Tasha," I raise my voice a little, in worry for her or anger for the world, "You can't just pretend it doesn't bother you!"  
For a long moment we stare it out, but her face crumples once again and I'm holding her, rocking her and hushing her all the while.   
"I just want mum and dad," her voice is hoarse, "I just want to go home. I want to talk to me family."   
"I know, I know Tasha," I begin to cry too, and we hold each other like a pair of grieving widows. When we'd calmed down a bit, we sat up and finished our teas. 

"Tell me everything, Tasha," I squeeze her shoulder affectionately, and she gives me a light punch back.   
"Only if you do, badger badger badger," she sings, both of us shouting out "Mushroom! Mushroom!" before collapsing into laughter once again. Her muggle songs are always so silly, but I love them. I just love them.  
She tells me everything, and I tell her everything too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notes at the beginning of seb explain where I've been


	27. Chapter 7 Natasha

Ellie and I eventually parted from our hug and chatter when we noticed just how long we sat and talked for. After hugging her goodnight I curled up in my pile of duvets and blankets, over-supplied by Ahar's mum, which I’ve claimed as my own lions den. All the talking had drained me so as soon as I tucked myself in, my head hit the pillow, and I was drifting into a dreamless sleep.

That didn’t last for long, though. The first dream of the night was harmless. I dreamt of my real, muggle family and all the muggle things we used to do together... Playing scrabble, watching old comedy reruns on the BBC... I dreamt of my eighth birthday party, and the time I got Mr. Pickles, my humanity hating hoarder of a one-eyed cat. I wondered if the fat thing would remember me if I just showed up at my old home. My brain moved onto the second dream, slightly less harmless than the first but no where near the ones I’m used to having on a nightly bases. I dreamt of the end of the war, but Sebastian and Eleanor and Ahar lay dead, after saving me. I couldn’t produce the spell in time - I tired! I swear I did! I tried! B-but before I knew it, a flashing red light hit them and I heard my screams in my head again, and again. Is this what’s it’s like to go insane? I watched my body twist and turn and fold in on itself, the screams getting louder and louder. Then I woke up.

Drenched in sweat and panting hard like I had just done the dreaded bleep test, I stared at the ceiling letting my breathing even out before getting out of bed. Luckily, I hadn't woken Ellie. Her mass of brown curls covered her face but she showed no sign of stirring. God. I had been so tired I forgot about what night time meant; Horror, enduring night terrors about everything I fear that have and might happen. Don’t worry about me, I’m used to it. If this what I means to win the war I’ll do it. Some people have to pay huge prices in order for some to pay none at all. I decided to go a get a drink of water, I still felt hot and bothered from the haunting dreams.

To my awkward surprise I was met with a slightly shaken up Mr Das. Normally Ahar’s father was so strict and clean with everything he did, from the way he dressed, spoke and acted. To see him this shaken up was bad.  
“Mr-Mr Das?” I called out to him, concerned. Though a guilty part of me wanted to run away as he wasn’t as easy to talk with like Aunt Amal, hell for Merlin’s sake I don’t even know his first name! (I don’t even think any of us do, Ahar included.) He turned to look at me and I saw all the stress he carried daily pool into two large bags under his eyes  
“Oh, sweet Natasha. Come, sit,” He spoke softly yet with the same confidence as always. It honestly amazed me. I looked at him and waited for him to speak before asking what’s wrong. I felt wrong, like I’m over stepping.  
“It’s just so difficult!” He admitted, groaning into his hands and rubbing his face agitated.  
“W-what is?” I asked, concerned but still a bit uncomfortable.  
“To have two sons worship you like a God, two extremely different sons!” He shouted, not loud enough to wake anyone but loud enough to make me jump.  
“Your sons love and respect you a lot and I think it’s amazing; they’re two very smart boys,” I comforted.  
“I have to be this powerful, righteous man to one and an activist to the other. I’m playing two different roles so my son scan grow up equally yet my boy, my Ahar! He-he disgraced me, he disgraced all that I taught him” He spat.

“Hey, now, you listen here. Don't blame yourself, or Ahar for what he did. Yes, I get it was wrong Mr Das, but if you sit here wallowing in self pity because your son made one mistake, you’re not the man I thought you to be. Stuck it up, this is war, Mr Das.” I spoke calm and bravely, yet my heart pounded in my chest. Fuck. Why did I have to open my big mouth. Shit, shit shit.  
I stared at him and he stared back, and most unexpectedly, he let out a huge hearty laugh.  
“Thank you dear Natasha, now tell me-“ he shook his head, the laugh rumbling in his throat as he spoke, “Why have I raised two boys yet you seem to have more balls than the two of them combined!” He continued to laugh, and I sat there shocked. I didn’t know what was appropriate to reply with, Mr Das just said balls, that to me is more scary than Voldemort's serpent like face.  
He patted me on the shoulder, muttering ‘truly a Gryffindor’ under his breath and before he stood up to leave he gave me a note.  
“Ah! Before I forget, Mrs Volkov’s owl came this morning. Sebastian wants to converse with you by flame!”  
That lightened my mood up tremendously, thought I still have no idea what the hell just went down. I smiled,  
"Good night, Mr Das," I stood to leave.  
"Uncle Sahir," he nodded, but smiled. I smiled back.  
"Good night, Uncle Sahir."  
I set out to the living room to have a flaming conversation with my favourite Russian dickhead.

Soon Sebastian’s face popped out the fire and he smiled and greeted me with a heart cheer.  
“Nat! Oh how I’ve missed you. Never leave again, I can’t handle how nice Ellie is, and my God Ahar’s even worse!” He joked, putting a hand in his heart.  
“Well last time we spoke you shunned me away, didn’t know if I was welcome!” I raised my eyebrow, feeling a little nervous since I wasn’t sure here I stood with him.  
“Pfft! I’m over than now I’ve had weeks to brood! I miss you, come back, yeah? The works too much but I could help you!” He said, awfully cheerful. I squinted at him,  
"I’m on the run, you Cyka! A fugitive!” I found myself laughing despite how much I wanted to join him.  
“Aye! Don’t use my own language on me missy!” He said, and this new adaption to 'aye' and 'missy' made me smirk.  
“Oh Sebby! Maybe if I speak like tis you’ll love me ‘ore? Aye?” I said in a fabulous (terrible) Scottish accent, impersonating Jon.

I couldn’t see due to the red of the flame but I had my suspicions that Sebastian’s pale face just went 4 shades darker.  
We spoke till early morning when his Babuska came in muttering about using all her vintage firewood and softly slapped the back of Sebastian’s head with oven mitts. She poked her own head in to say hello, Sebastian’s ‘ow’ could be heard from behind her. I said my goodbyes to the Volkovs, and went back up to bed, finally able to drift off into a more happy, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check Sebastian's chapter for note on where we've been!


	28. Chapter 7 Ahar

At some point, things started to feel a little better. I'm not sure when, or how, but I think having Eleanor and Natasha around helped. Every day the first thing I heard was them giggling or singing away to themselves in the room next door, more often than not with Saamir, too. My friends. My friends who love me, and who forgave me, even though they had full right to never, ever forgive me for what I did, let alone still be able to love me after all that's happened. Though my sleep is still plagued by nightmarish screaming, and Natasha is yet to meet my eye, I finally feel like things are going to be okay. Like we'll get through this. Like, together, we're going to win this war. 

"Are you ready to go?" I ask Ellie, who nods without saying anything. I think she's on the brink of tears (again) because Tasha steps towards her and they hug for a really, really long time. When they let go of each other, they go three seconds before hugging again, both giving little sobs of fear. Trying to feel more sympathetic, I allow them a few minutes to say their goodbyes. Honestly, girls. They'll see each other again come bank holiday weekend, only a few weeks away, you'd think they'd understand a sense of urgency!   
"Okay, okay," Ellie says finally, giving my brother a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, then mother, and to my surprise, she even throws her arms around my dad and whispers a quick "thank you, Uncle Sahir." The gesture shocks him so much he doesn't even reply, just gives her the lightest hug in return and pats her back. At least I know where I get my own stunted emotional growth from.   
"Alright, Ellie," I press. She pulls away from my dad and takes her trunk in one hand, my arm in the other.   
"Goodbye!" She calls out, her voice upbeat but damp with tears. I close my eyes, clear my mind, and disapperate to Kings Cross Station, London. 

So as to not draw attention to ourselves, Ellie and I tightly fasten the belts on our matching blue raincoats and neaten our yellow and blue polka-dot leggings, and pull on the orange berets my mother knitted for us. According to Natasha, these outfits are the height of muggle fashion right now... Yet as we walk along the platform, people are giving us all kinds of funny stares, one girl about our ago visibly flinches away as we walk by.   
"What are they all staring at?" Ellie whispers to me, taking my hand nervously.   
"I've got no idea," I murmur back, but then look at her, then at myself, and go red, "you don't think Tasha-"   
"Ohhhh," Ellie groans and slaps her palm to her head, "she's totally done this on purpose! These stupid clothes aren't muggle fashion at all!"   
I sigh heavily and shake my head. Only Natasha would go blowing the cover of our safety for a stupid prank. But, I find myself chuckling. I mean - we didn't even question it - it is kind of funny.   
"Come on," Ellie urges me forward, and we make our way in to a café, knowing we've got time to kill before we go from the fast pace and cheerful muggle world to the depressing platform that so accurately represents our world. When we've ordered, we find a table for two and take our seats. Making sure no one is looking - and by some miracle, no one is - Ellie gives a quick wave of her wand and our outfits modify themselves. Our leggings loose the polka-dots and become jeans, and out raincoats go from blue to black. Both of us pull the berets off our heads and tuck them out of sight. Looking around now, I can see we probably blend in a lot more with all the muggles. That's when the awkward silence creeps in.

Don't get me wrong - Ellie is one of my three best friends in all the world and I love her like my own flesh and blood - but we've not spent an awful lot of time alone together since we were... I don't know, eleven? Obviously growing up with someone, you get pretty close to them, but with Ellie... I don't know. I guess ever since we started Hogwarts, there's been this big unsaid... Presence between Ellie and I. Thinking about it now, it only ever happens if we're completely alone, which is hardly ever because usually Tasha or Sebastian is there to bridge the gap. At family gatherings, meals, balls, etcetera, there are hundreds of people to greet and dance with, it's not like we're ever alone then either. Maybe it's just how purebloods are. Everyone is so in everyone's business all the time you don't actually get a chance to get to known them - just their family history. It's weird, really. Once upon a time mother use to tell me I'd end up marrying Ellie, and I suppose for a while I even believed her... But then, she decided to be a lesbian. And not tell me. Just Sebastian. And Natasha.

 

"You're doing it again," Ellie mumbles from across the table. I look up at her as she taps the table, biting down on her bottom lip like she does when she's nervous or upset.   
"Huh?" I raise an eyebrow, confused, but she shakes her head.   
"Judging me," she shrugs and then lays her hands flat on the table, spreading and closing her fingers back together again. My mouth opens and closes, but I can't think of what to say. Where in all of the magical realms did that come from? Ellie just shakes her head at me and leans back in her chair, clasping her hands together.   
"Sometimes you just look at me, and I can see your, your," she waves her hands around, "I don't know, disapproval or whatever."   
I raise both eyebrows and push back in my chair.   
"You're being ridiculous," I scoff, folding my arms. Merlin's beard, she can be so sensitive...  
"See, you're doing it again!" She flails her arms and sits up fully. A bit embarrassed at her sudden ability to mind rea, I copy her and sit up myself,  
"What? What am I doing, Eleanor?" I roll my eyes, "I'm just sitting. I haven't said anything."   
"No! You haven't! You've hardly talked to me all week!" She slams a palm on the table, and I can see her lip begin to wobble. I feel a little guilty, but before I can say anything, she starts going on a rant. 

"You only bother talking to Tasha when you're in a good mood, but you don't even look my way when she's in the room!" She seethes, folding and unfolding her arms about fifty times, "You look at me, and I know what you think, Ahar, I do! You think - silly Ellie - stupid Ellie - stop crying Ellie - sensitive Ellie -"   
She pauses to breathe but I'm blushing a furious red colour, shifting about in the too-small café chair someone has shrunken beneath my bottom in the last two minutes.  
"Ellie," I go to interrupt, but she clicks her fingers at my mouth and suddenly I can't talk. I'm about to try some wordless magic myself, when she continues.   
"I get it - you, Tasha, Seb, you all do this 'can't show my feelings because I'm too anally retentive' shit and that's fine, but what's not fine is the pitying looks and frustrated sighs you give me for not being the same!" she continues to rage, and I want to shrink away into the ground with shame.  
"It's great to be smart, and brave, and ambitious, but none of those things mean shit if you don't give a shit, Ahar! So just stop it, alright?" She finishes, but to my surprise, she doesn't cry. I've never heard her cuss so much in ten years plus of friendship, and I've never seen her this... Angry. I'm not sure what to say, so I sit quietly, waiting for her to say her piece. The more I think about it, the more she's right, and it's kind of embarrassing to admit.

"When Seb told me what you did, what you did to Mr Finnegan," she catches my eye and looks away, "I didn't flip out like Seb did when you told him. And I wasn't as upset as Tasha, of course. But you know what upset me?" she shakes her head, and her voice is suddenly small, "you didn't owl me, Ahar. You left it to him. Like when you got Tasha safe. In fact, I've heard nothing from you all year. All summer. Every summer."   
"Ellie," I feel my heart quicken and fall as I reach out for her hand, but she wont take mine. She's right. Of course she's right.  
"Ever since Natasha came along, I gained a best friend, and another when Sebastian joined us," her voice is soft now, almost calm, but I can hear the sadness in it too, "but sometimes, when you cast me aside and assume I'm too dumb to get your jokes or too pureblood to care about your muggle rants, I feel like I lost a best friend too."   
"I never meant to make you feel like that," I offer after a few moments silence. Ellie sighs once again.   
"I know, Ahar, Merlin, I hate being like this with you. Nine times out of ten I don't feel like this, but you know... Before Natasha came along it was me you talked to about muggle science, and horror movies, and Scrabble. And I'd never ever want to live without Tasha - or Seb - but I just wish you could appreciate me as well as them." 

Nothing is said for a while as I process her words. As much as I hate to say it, Ellie was right about most of that stuff. I do overlook her. I do see her as less intelligent and over-emotional. I don't make enough effort with her, period; but I know it's not just all me. It's not like she owls me anymore, and it's so painfully obvious she prefers Sebastian and Natasha's company over mine she hardly has the right to be so angry about that either.  
"You told them you were a lesbian and not me," I blurt out, and she jumps a little in shock. I feel bad, because I know she's kind of closeted, but still. It's true.  
"Because I thought you'd find it gross, or, I don't know, it would be against your culture or-"   
"Against my culture? Ellie, my father is so liberal he's one step away from wearing tie-dye and saying 'peace mannnn' - don't be so racist!" And I can't help it - I laugh.  
"Ahar! You can't call a black girl racist!" She hisses, but then giggles. And I chuckle. And then we're both laughing, as people in the café stare at us like we've lost out minds. When the waitress asks us to leave, we do, stumbling through the door like a pair of drunkards. Then, because she's Ellie, because she's one third of my best friend, because she deserves to be shown appreciation, I wrap her in a bear hug and spin her around and around. Someone calls out 'get a room' from across the station which just makes everything funnier. Somehow we walk all the way to platform nine, dragging the trunk with us, and through the platform. 

"I'm so sorry Ellie," I murmur into her citrus smelling afro, letting her rock me a little. A proper Ellie hug. This has to be the first time in months I've had one.   
"I know you are. I am too, Ahar. I love you," she whispers into my shoulder.  
"And I love you too, Ellie," I smile and wave to her as she runs to the train at the very last moment. Yeah, things are getting better. Things are getting a whole lot better.


	29. Chapter 8 - Eleanor

“It’s a beautiful day, out there,” I found myself muttering, as I looked out of the tower window and across the grounds. Without warning, Sebastian grabbed the curtain I had pushed back and pulled it back over the window.  
“There is no such thing as a beautiful day without Natasha and Ahar here to see it,” he replied bitterly, walking back towards the centre of the room. I tried my hardest not to snipe back at him, after all, he was under a lot of stress, and was worried all the time now. We all were. Though nobody addressed it directly, there had been a shift in the atmosphere at Hogwarts. True, it was good the Carrows hardly showed up to lessons and no longer checked the dorms at the 6pm curfew, but that could only mean one thing… You-Know-Who and his supporters were all preparing for full out war… But with so little contact to the outside world… Well, none of us are sure if Dumbledore’s Army has any other backing.

 

“You would think he would have thought of something!” Sebastian seethed, rubbing his temple to relieve the tension he obviously felt. I put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off, so I sat on the table instead. We are in the owlery tower, where we spend almost all our time, waiting desperately to see Ahar’s little brown owl fly in. It’d been almost six weeks since I last saw him and Natasha, and just over four since Sebastian last got a letter from him. Four weeks since the last time Natasha was definitely safe.  
“You know how they’ve been about owls, Sebastian,” I attempted once again to soothe him. Nobody we knew (excluding a handful of the pureblood Slytherin ‘prefects’, who hardly counted as students anyway) had gotten a letter from home in the last four or five weeks either. Snape told us it was to stop homesickness distracting us from our exams. Bullshit, Sebastian had said.  
“Ahar is smart – too smart, the cretin – he should have found a way to get to us by now!” he flummoxed, sitting down heavily on the table beside me. When I hugged him this time, he didn’t pull away.

 

If it were just Ahar we had to worry about, we wouldn’t be nearly as worried. Time and time again he had evaded ministry suspicion and questioning now. Our real concern was Natasha, muggleborn Natasha, muggleborn Natasha who now had a ten thousand galleon reward on her head, and a death penalty charge attached to those hiding her. On principle Sebastian and I had not tried to contact her at all – we were waiting, praying, begging for something from Ahar that would indicate she was alright.  
“We’ve not heard anything, Seb. You know we would have if anything had happened to either of them – something in the Daily Prophet, or from Aberforth,“ Aberforth was the kind landlord of the Hogs Head that looked a bit like Dumbledore, “Jumping to conclusions isn’t going to help anyone, least of all Ahar or Natasha.”  
Sebastian opened his mouth to speak, but shut his mouth abruptly. In one fluid movement, he leapt to his feet and threw a repelling spell at the owlery door. It flew open with such a force the wood splintered – but that wasn’t what turned my stomach to ice. Behind the door stood a slightly surprised, but nevertheless smirking, Vincent Crabbe.

 

“How much did you hear?” Sebastian began to thunder towards him, wand raised, “How much did you hear?!”  
Though he now looked slightly less confident, Crabbe only gave a leering grin in reply. Before either of us could see it coming, he drew his wand and shot a ‘stupefy’ in my direction. I only just managed to leap aside by the time Sebastian advanced on him, beginning to shout out his own curses, hexes and defences. Quickly, I got to my feet and pulled my own wand out, pulling a fast, protective barrier across myself and Sebastian.  
“Hold!” Sebastian yelled at me over the deafening sound of the dark purple barrier as it pulsed around us. My arm ached from the force of the magic my wand was pumping out but Sebastian was starting to win now. Beside his beginning fumble, he hadn’t suffered a single hex or curse, but had delivered many. Crabbe now had a large horn protruding from his forehead, dark green boils all over his face and arms, and was unable to move his legs, as his shoes had become as head as lead.  
“Ready?” Sebastian yelled to me. I looked up, only a little too late… Gregory Goyle, Crabbe’s partner, was emerging from the doorway.

 

What happened next was an absolute blur. There was no time for me to warn Sebastian, so I dropped the barrier and ran forward, rolled my arm back and -  
“Stupefy!” I shouted so loudly I swear I shook the ground. Goyle flew backwards, hitting the wall behind him and snapping his wand in the process. I hesitated, just for a moment, I swear, to admire what I had done. I’d never, ever won a duel before. Especially not on the first spell.

 

I shouldn’t have hesitated.

 

My body seized up beneath me first, followed by my arms. In the moment I wasn’t paying attention, Crabbe had caught me with ‘petrificus totalus’, the full body binding curse.  
“Eleanor!” I heard Sebastian call out in fear, but I couldn’t turn to face him. I toppled forward like a life-sized chess piece, hitting the floor face first. My nose connected to the ground with a loud crunch, and I bit my tongue hard. I wanted to scream, but my lips were sealed too tightly together.  
“Bastard! Bastard! You never fire when the enemy’s back is turned! Coward!” I could hear Sebastian stepping up his game, the whizzing of spells becoming faster and faster. With my body bound by the curse, I couldn’t tell him I was okay, to be careful, so I shut my eyes tight and tried to shut out the noise. After what seemed like an age, there was a final bang, and a grunt that could only be Crabbe’s. In moments Sebastian was on his knees beside me, pulling my stiff body onto his lap. I winced as he cast a quick ‘episkey’ on my nose and felt it slot back in to place.  
“Ellie,” he made a soft, almost pleading noise, pressing his forehead to mine. Guilt made home in my stomach once again, seeing the concern on his face, hearing it in his voice. Why couldn’t I just get one thing right these days?

 

Slowly, Sebastian performed the anti-jinx, and feeling began to return to my body bit by bit. Even when I could sit up again, Sebastian wouldn’t let me, so I stayed laying in his lap. For a while he just combed his fingers through the untameable mess that was my afro curls. Neither of us spoke for ages, just appreciated the quiet. But this wasn’t the calm after the storm, it was the calm before the storm.  
“What are we going to do, Seb?” I barely whispered. Now Crabbe had heard us talking about Ahar and Natasha, we were in serious danger – just like our friends.  
“We were stupid for talking so carelessly, Ellie,” Sebastian replied, hardly louder than I had spoken, “We will have to use ‘confundus’ on them, make them forget.”  
I gulped. ‘Confundus’… It wasn’t exactly dark magic, but it wasn’t exactly light magic either. You were only supposed to use it in absolute emergencies – like if a muggle sees you doing magic. But using it on another wizard or witch… My stomach twisted. Crabbe and Goyle were gits, but they were magical gits. Altering their memories could do some serious damage.

 

“Seb, can’t we – can we just leave them?” I asked tentatively. Sebastian must’ve sensed my moral questioning because he squeezed my hand a little tighter.  
“They are deserving, Ellie,” he cocked an eyebrow at me, but then stood, pulling me to my feet as well. We dusted ourselves off, ridding the owl hay from our uniforms.  
“I really, really don’t want to do this, Seb,” I found myself grabbing the wrist of the hand he was holding his wand in, “there must be another way-“  
“Ellie,” he said, exasperated, “I am not asking you to do it, if it is too great an ask, but you must let me. They’ll tell what they heard about Natasha and the Das family, Eleanor!”  
I went to speak, when three things happened at once. Somewhere, far off in the castle, we heard a series of shouting begin. Then, the ground shook vigorously, so hard Sebastian and I were forced to cling to each other to stop ourselves from going tumbling across the room. Third of all, our Dumbledore’s Army coins sprang out of our robe pockets and began hitting us about the heads. When the ground stabilised I finally caught my coin. Sebastian caught his. I – I couldn’t breathe. We opened our palms.

 

‘TIME FOR WAR’ - written clear as day across the coins.

 

We looked at each other once.

 

And we ran.


	30. Chapter 8 - Ahar

“Please can you pass us the butter, Saam?” Natasha asked politely, but yawning, as she sat down at the table, a slice of toast in each hand. With a grin, Saamir handed her the butter dish and tucked his chair in further. Mother bustled about us, tipping baked beans on Natasha’s toast before serving Saamir and I a bowl of masala uttapam each, along with a slice of toasted paneer bread.  
“How can you eat such spicy stuff so early in the morning?” Natasha gestured (with a half-eaten slice of toast) at our bowls. I just laughed, as did Saamir.  
“Because we’re not as white as you!” Saamir chuckled, before taking a large mouthful of the uttapam. He made a ‘mmm’ of appreciation whilst Natasha scoffed.  
“I’m not that white – I can eat spicy things!” She tried to defend herself. My mother and I laughed at her then, whilst Saamir pretended to fan his mouth.  
“Ooooh, Aunty Amal, Aunty Amal, yous given me too much chiiilliii!” He mocked her scouse accent; all those 6 years ago, Natasha had come to our house for dinner and ended up drinking three cartons of milk. Mother only makes mild curries when my friends join us for dinner now – apart from when it’s just Ellie – Ellie likes spicy curry. Even though she scowled at us first, Natasha couldn’t help but laugh too.

 

“You boys so mean, you not be nice to our Natasha!” Mother tutted, whipping Saamir and I once about the head with a tea-towel. We shared a grin, and continued to eat, just making the occasional small talk. It was all so peaceful then.  
“Good morning!” Natasha smiled chirpily as father walked in to the room, but he only gave a distracted half smile back. We exchanged a look whilst he kissed mother on the cheek and picked up his plate full of food.  
“Ahar,” he said suddenly. I jumped a little and gave Natasha another look of confusion; father hadn’t spoken directly to me in months, since… Well, you know. Since. But he hadn’t been avoiding me as much the last few weeks (I suspected Natasha had something to do with it) and it seemed now he was ready to talk to me. Feeling rather pleased with this development, I turned and gave him my best most respectful smile.  
“Yes father?” I replied.  
“I need to talk you, I’ve had word from the ministry. They want you in for a trial,” he spoke calmly, but there was no hiding his fear in his face. Saamir dropped his cutlery with a clatter, Natasha began to murmur a soft ‘no, no, no’ under her breath and mother let out a guttural moan. I, on the other hand, stood up. I stood up to look my father in the eye. I stood up to show my brother, my mother, and my most importantly, Natasha, my best friend, that I wasn’t afraid.  
“Okay,” I said, careful to keep my tone steady, “When do we leave?”

 

Before he could answer, a bright burst of blue light shot down through the ceiling. All five of us let out yells and fell to our knees, hands over our heads, as plaster crumbled from the ceiling.  
“What in Merlin’s beard is that?” Saamir shouted over the commotion, as the blue light span around and around the room, sweeping bowls off of the table and pans flying off of their hooks. It seemed to be yelling – but not just one voice – several people’s shouts and screams were audible but it was hard to tell what they were saying. But, I could make out three key words: ‘Potter’, ‘attack’ and ‘war’. Suddenly, the light fizzled into nothing, leaving the room silent other than the sound of mother’s sobbing. After a few moments, we began to get up off of the floor.  
“Father,” Saamir began, but father held up a hand, and turned to mother.  
“Get the children to the safe cupboard, yes?” he told her, embracing her in the most intimate way I’d ever seen them embrace in seventeen years. Mother was still sobbing as he clasped her face in his hands.  
“You don’t leave me, Sahir, you don’t!” She tried to shout, gripping his face in her own hands. He gave her a long, deep kiss, and I tore my eyes away, only to realise Natasha had grabbed my arm. With a sharp tug, she pulled me from the kitchen and down the hallway.

 

“I’m going with your father,” She told me firmly, and I let out an exasperated laugh.  
“Natasha, you’re a fugitive. You can’t!”  
She narrowed her eyes at me, but I could see her thinking it over.  
“He can’t go on his own,” She muttered. I felt something twist in my gut. Biting my lip, I turned about and hugged her hard.  
“Nat, I love you. I know I don’t say it enough – I – I’m just, I’m not like you and Ellie and Seb. I’m not good with feelings. But I love you. You are everything I admire and everything I hold dear. I trust you. And I need you to trust me.” I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, like Seb or Ellie would, and let her go.  
“Ahar? Ahar!” She began to shout, beginning to try and follow me. I quickly shut the kitchen door and muttered an ‘alohamora’ at the handle. When I looked up, father and mother were talking quietly, heads close together. Saamir stepped towards me, and once again, I felt my heart strings tug and rip in my chest.

 

“Brother,” I let myself whimper as he tackled me in to a hug. For a moment, I just buried my head in the top of his floppy brown hair, patting him firmly on the back.  
“You’ve got to come back,” he murmured in to my chest. This boy, I swear, he was too good for this world. He was too good for any world.  
“Don’t let Natasha in until I’m gone, okay?” I told him, ruffling his hair. We both laughed, tears in our eyes, and pulled apart.  
“I love you, Ahar,” he grasped my hand, and I squeezed his.  
“I love you too. We’ll be back soon.” I nodded at my father and he broke away from mother, who Saamir ran forward to hold. She was no longer audibly crying, but tears streaked down her cheeks.  
“My boy,” she whispered. I kissed her atop the head as I had Natasha, and then took my father’s arm. Suddenly, the ground whipped from beneath me and I was disapperating, hurtling away from all but one member of my family, into the midst of a war.

 

Noise pierced my ear drums as my father and I materialised in the Ministry’s main hall. The large statue You-Know-Who’s supporters had erected only months ago lay crumbled across the floor and there were fires burning all over the place. We ducked just in time as a burst of red light shot over our heads, and then we were running, running, running-  
“Down!” father ordered. Without hesitation, I dropped in to a squat as he cast a complicated jinx over my head at Lucius Malfoy, who grabbed his own son and pulled him forward as a human shield. The act made my father twice as angry and he cast an even more aggressive bleeding curse and Lucius, catching him square in the head. My stomach turned as he let out a screech and thick, red cuts materialised across his face.  
“Ahar!” my father barked at me and I leapt up, continuing to run with him. We rounded a corner and came face to face with Goyle senior and his son, Gregory Goyle, who I was once at school with. Who I once shared a classroom with. Who once told me he was impressed with my wand work. Who was now pointing his wand at me.

 

“Oh, goody, goody,” he gave an unsettling chuckle and I drew my wand higher, preparing to get in to the duelling position. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my father and Goyle Senior do the same.  
“Stand down, Goyle,” I spoke through gritted teeth. Suddenly, he shot a deep purple crumple-horn curse at me, but true to my grade in Defense Against the Dark Arts, I blocked it fast. Before long we were firing jinxes back and forth. At one point, he sent a long lick of flames coursing towards me and I doused them with water, drenching him and his father in the process.  
“Good, my boy!” my father called over the roar of the water and I couldn’t help but grin, speeding up my spells even more than before.  
“I had a conversation with you friends today,” Goyle shouted to me, earning a boil hex in return, as his talk left him defenceless to it. However – he did distract me momentarily.  
“Yeah, yeah,” he wheezed but continued, knocking me back with a ‘bombardous’, “Black and white. Dyke and faggot. Fatty and flouncy.”  
Big. Mistake.  
“Never speak like that of Eleanor and Sebastian!” I thundered – and – holy moly Merlin’s muggle memorabilia – actual thunder poured from my throat. Both he and his father were flung 15 metres back across the room, leaving my father and I three to slap each other on my back.  
“Excellent, excellent,” he congratulated me, “my son, excellent! I am so proud of you my son! So proud!”

 

“Well well, Sahir,” a familiar French accent drawled, followed by a few ominous laughs, “he quite obveeously did it on the accident, no need for the such… Congratulations… Though I suppose it is a miracle to you that at least one of your sons has the mageecal ability.”  
My fist clenched hard around my wand, and my heart dropped to my stomach. Claudette Dubois. Mrs Dubois. Ellie’s mother. A woman who had never, ever, in all my years of knowing her, was anything but pleasant to me and my friends… Well, until now.  
“Claudette?” My father’s eyes widened in shock, but he quickly recovered. Behind her stood Crabbe Senior and Rabastan Lestrange – the notorious brother or Rodolphus Lestrange.  
“Do not act shocked now, Sahir, you should have taken the offer when you had the offer!” She snapped, and my father’s face grew a dark red from anger.  
“Adultery is a sin like no other,” he spat in return, suddenly shooting a ‘stupefy’ at her. And so, it began again – shouting, spells flying, my father and I back to back, two against three… But this time… We weren’t winning.  
“Down!” my father yelled for a second time that day. I ducked. Three separate bright green streaks of light flew towards my father and – and – and-

 

He let them hit him. He let all three of them hit him.

 

Everything went silent as my father’s tall, proud body crumbled to the ground beside me. He fainted. He must’ve fainted. He must’ve been tired. I was tired. Everyone here was tired. He fainted.  
“Father?” I called, crawling over to him on my hands and knees. I was vaguely aware that a small stream of blue light was fading out of my father’s wand, still clenched in his hand. I was also vaguely aware of Mrs Dubois turning away to face some other duelling partner, but I had to wake my father up. I needed him to wake up.  
“Father, wake up,” I told him, lightly shaking his shoulders. His eyes remained lifeless, but open. That was okay. Some people slept with their eyes open… Didn’t they?  
“Father,” I pressed, shaking him harder. Was I crying? I was crying. Why was I crying? He was going to get up, get up, get up, get up, get up, get up-  
“Ahar Das?” A soft voice asked. I turned around to face Kingsley Shacklebolt, a friend of my fathers. A good man. A safe man.  
“You’ve got to wake my father up, I don’t know the spell,” I told him urgently, handing him my wand in case he needed it. He pushed it back in to my hand.  
“Ahar, I’m so sorry,” he hesitated, then took my father’s sleeping body from my arms and lay him back down, “we need to go to Hogwarts, Ahar.”  
I shook my head wordlessly and pointed at my father. Mr Shacklebolt was smart, he just had to think of the right spell.  
“Ahar…” he began, then took both my shoulders in his firm hands, “I need you to understand that your father is dead. Can you understand that?”  
“He is not dead, you just need-“  
“Ahar!” Mr Shacklebolt shouted, and I jumped hard. He let out a soft sigh and his voice wobbled, “I’m sorry, Ahar, I’m so sorry.”  
And without warning, he disapperated us both away from the ministry.


	31. Chapter 8 - Natasha

I spent a good ten minutes huffing and puffing out of annoyance and nerves. I knew why Ahar locked me in the other room, and regardless of what he thinks I do know how to get out. I chose to stay in regards to how it would make Ahar feel. All I wanted was to help that’s why when Auntie Amal and Saamir came to ‘unlock’ the door for me, I took charge.

I led them to the almost huddle basement, you just had to have the right eye to see the gap in witch the hatch refused to close fully. We sat huddle on one of the muggleborns refugees old beds. It felt like hours that we sat, scared to make an ounce of noise. The silence killing me, but I didn’t want to intrude on Amal or Saamir’s privacy. That is until Amal could no longer hide her sobs and burst into uncontrollable tears. 

I comforted her, softly and Saamir stared sadly, finally breaking the silence.  
“Don’t cry mother…” he gave her a loving hug, not forgetting to include me. We hugged as Amal weeped.  
“Sorry-sorry dears, I-I just.” She began to apologise but we shushed her softly.

“Think about all the celebrations we can have when father and Ahar return.” Saamir’s began and I glanced over at him giving him a silent thanks as I felt too awkward to be comforting right now.  
“We can have all of Ahar’s friends around like when he turned sixteen! And all our family from India who bring us delicious curry! Oh mother you’re going to be swept off your feet with the amount of cooking, maybe Mrs. Volkov could help.” He giggled. Amal and Babuska in the kitchen together would be an hilarious sight. 

“Just think how better the world will be mother when Natasha can go back to Hogwarts and all those nasty death eaters couldn’t hurt us.” He smiled up at Amal who gave him a weak smile back. He knelt besides her, wiping the trail of tears off his face “When the war is over maybe I can take that course we’ve been talking about… think of that mother! I’ll get to do magic!” He said in awe, Amal gave a choked laugh, and I felt a lump build up in my throat. 

I felt my heart soften at Saamir’s genuineness, the life of a squib is so cruelly unfair. All he wanted was to be like us, to go to school along side his brother. He deserved the world, a world better than this shit hole we’ve been dumped on. Saamir is far too great to be a muggle or wizard and that’s why I believe whoever created us made him a squib. He’s so loving, hardworking, smart, creative, ambitious and oh so very brave. He’d be a hat stall for sure, he possesses skills like no other. He deserves more I thought to my self brokenly.

I zoned out while studying thinking and Saamir and Amal were now sharing the familiar parental hug that makes every child and guardian alike heart burst. You know the one, when you’ve got home Fromm tedious day at school, tears threatening to spill and you mother just hugs you, comforts you and the pain all comes out. When you pull away from the hug, spirits lifted and a smile on your face, eyes blotchy and red.

Amal began to speak but a loud sound could be heard meters away from the semi-locked door. We held our breath, and I clutched my wand, Amal holding onto Saamir. Through the gap, I could see a swift blue enchanting light and it floated graciously through the room to for the misty shape of a German Shepard dog.

My heart plummeted when I saw it do a lap around the room, I thought it was Ahar. I thought Ahar had died, but as the dog spoke I noticed with a sickening relief that it wasn’t him, it was his father. The relief came and went in a flash when the patronus spoke.

‘Amal, sweetheart. I’m afraid I have to woefully cut this short. I love you darling, look after my boys will you? And Saamir! I always was oh so proud to be your father. I’ll never forget my family. I’ll love you forever.’

Saamir stared, shocked and frozen into place. Amal reached out to the blue mist as the once full formed patrous dulled at her finger tips. She gave our a heart wrenchi, blood curdling scream. I watched her clutching Saamir still frozen body and cry ‘he’s gone!’ Repeatedly. My eyes met Saamir’s and he looked emotionally wrecked. Tears and snot colliding on his face.

The screams of Amal alerted the intruders of our whereabouts and I jumped up, determined and angry to defeat them. How dare they spoil a perfect family. A loving family. Mr. Das was brilliant and kind and caring. The basement door blew open, and a army of death eaters began aiming spells at us. I deflected them to the best of my ability, taking a couple out with a tick Sebastian taught me.

In my rage an fury I had forgotten of Amal (who was too emotional ruined to fully fight). Her game wasn’t as strong as it usual was and she was knocked out pretty quickly, thinking fast I knew we had to disparate. My guy lunched at the thought of splinching the Das’. I haven’t apparated properly myself in months and it was surly hard to do. I quickly and efficiently took out the remaining death eaters and turned around to a noise worse than any unforgivable.

Saamir lay, a pool of his own blood filling up like a pond of death around him. His hands clutched to his neck. It had be slashed. He gasped fro breath again. My hands instantly went to help cover his neck, but it was no use and the blood was spilling out fast. I started to cry and he looked up at me,   
“It’s okay, it’s ok-ay. I have to die to make the w-world a better place.” And the light went out, and his body went limp.

I sat shaking and crying, clutching a dead Saamir in a hug, pleading him in a broken voice to come back. He shouldn’t have died he didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve it! He didn’t do nothing wrong! His now maroon blood covered by clothes but I didn’t care. You’d think with all the magic we’d be able to bring back the dead. 

A soft, confused “Saamir? Natasha?” Came from Amal, but I couldn’t face her just yet. I closed Saamir’s eyes, laying him to rest. I muttered a determined “I’ll do you proud.” and grabbed ahold of Amal, disapprating to the only place a new wed be safe: the hogshead.


	32. Chapter 8 - Sebastian

The burn of Hermione’s clever DA Coin stung my leg as Ellie and I ran as fast as we could to the room of requirement. Normally, it was as calm as one can be when preparing for a war but today it was hectic, of course we new by the writing on the coin that the war was brewing closer and closer with each passing minute, yet to witness the sheer panic and terror running through everyone was another thing entirely. 

I turned to a stumped Ellie, she was shaking nervously. I met her chocolate worry filled eyes and I smiled, giving her a hug. I buried my face in her afro-hair and muttered,

“No need to worry Ellie. When we’ve won the war, think of the celebrations! We’ll be able to dance and sing will all our friends! Natasha will be there, Ahar and his family… it’s been ages since El and Saamir have met! All our family safe.”

She let out a silent shudder, looking up at me with tearful eyes.

“H-how do you know we will w-win?” 

“I don’t.” I said firmly “but we have something Voldemort doesn’t have, we have Amicitia.”

Her brows frowned in confusion, “Amicitia?” She whispered

“Latin for friendship. Just look around, look at all the love in this room. The love that will unite us. The love that will help us win.”

 

I turned her slowly to face the Group of Brave, Smart, Ambitious and Kind witches and wizards who where ready to face death itself. I noticed that the houses are United, like that smelly old sorting hat ad suggested all those years ago. The mix of red, yellow and blue was calming but I couldn’t help to notice a sad lack of Slytherin green. There was only one mix of green I could see and that was Jon. My heart fluttered, thank merlin he chose the right side. I know Mr and Mrs McCarthy are neutrals in this war.

 

Every clique was mixing despite difference, all swapping spells to help the other. Out the corner of my eye I notice Ellie spot an alone Sefina, she looked itching to go over but stood loyalty next to me. I shook my head giving her a lazy smirk, “Don’t be silly Eleanor, go be with your beloved. I won’t stop you no matter how much a dislike her.” She looked shocked and relieved, and I can’t blame her. I know when to pick my fights and now isn’t the right time for petty school drama.

“Are you sure?” She asked, her loyalty to her friends is amazing I thought.

“Yes Ellie. Go… I’ll be fine.” My gaze caught Jon’s and he smiled over at me, Ellie followed my line of sight, and let out a soft “oh”. I gave her one last hug, and set off for Jon who stood by the window alone. 

 

I would have reached him if it wasn’t for the familiar crack of apperating in the centre of the room. Students made a circle around the culprit. This made no scene you can not apperate inside or outside of Hogwarts, basic Hogwarts a History tells you that! Whipping my wand out I turned away from Jon to be face to face with a squabbling Ahar and top aura Kingsley Shacklebolt.

“Get off me!” Ahar snarled, falling to his knees besides Shacklebolt’s legs.

 

I was there in an instant, Ellie came forward too, to help but I held my arm out, mentioning her to stay back. She obeyed silently watching with the rest of the students who couldn’t keep there eyes off Ahar.

“What is it! Ahar Das!” I shouted, turning him to face me. My strong arms pushing him firmly on the group, so he couldn’t move away.

“He’s dead! Sebastian he’s fucking dead!” He screamed and thrashed around trying to get out of my hold. I was confused. Who was dead? But then in hit me and I felt my blood drain cold, I heard Ellie gasp, covering her mouth as she let silent tears drop onto her.

 

Mr Das. He was like a father to me, I was the only one out of Ahar’s friends who could understand his cold logic. He was relatable in his ambitions and it was him in fact who helped us all with choosing our OWLs and NEWTs. I felt tears run down my face and I clutched onto Ahar move and he continued to try and get away. He refused to stay still, I knew he wanted to just be alone but I wouldn’t allow it. For a rational boy he sure does react harshly to his emotions. It’s what divides us as a Slytherin and a Ravenclaw. 

 

Ahar still wiggling on the floor was enough to distract me from the crack of Shacklebolt leaving. Everyone was about to turn their attention back to their own groups, wanting to give Ahar and I space. Yet the bang of the painting that led to the pub burst open and a bloodied Natasha came through. 

 

Ellie ran in an instant and was checking for the damage that could have caused this. Natasha shook in Ellie’s hold and blood dripped to the floor. Ahar stopped squabbling and we shared a look. Both of us stood up as Ellie brought Natasha too us. Natasha stared at Ahar and he stared back.

“T-this isn’t your blood is it?” He glanced at her softly. His eyes hold great sadness and the anger from his fathers death died down, for now.

“I’m sorry!” Natasha whaled as her knees booked and all three of us grabbed her, the strong metallic smell filling our noses as we were coated in red. Ellie and I looked confused but it was made clear to us who’s the blood belonged to when Ahar spoke next.

“Saamir?” He spoke in a soft, saddened voice. Natasha shook her head; yes.

 

“I’m sorry! I tried! I’m useless! I couldn’t do anything it was so f-fast!” She sobbed.

Ellie hugged her, and then Ahar did and then I joined. We all stood in the middle of the room covered in sweet Saamir’s blood. I buried by head in her thick ginger locks and sobbed. Natasha continued to repeat sorry but it was hardly a whisper now, her voice cracking so much from the devastation. Ellie let go of the hug first, turning to to grab a hold of Natasha’s shoulders forcing Nat to look into her eyes.

“This wasn’t your fault. It was that foul, bastard Voldermorts.” It was the first time she said his name as clear as she did and it made all three of us gasp.

“Nat.. never blame yourself. S-somethings can’t be saved.” Ahar spoke, I could tell it pained him greatly but it also relieved me to see he didn’t blame her.

“Sweet little lion you tried you best.” I soothed, and we moved to a corner where Ellie sat, Natasha lay her head in Ellie’s lap as Ellie played with her hair, braiding it and humming. Ahar sat facing the corner and I opted to leave him be. He more than deserved peace.

 

Before I joined my friends, I walked back over to Jon who watched all this happen from the window he stood by. He turned to meet my gaze with sympathetic brown eyes, and pulled me into a hug. We let go, it lasted awkwardly a little longer than friends but I couldn’t bring myself to dwell on it. 

We watched the death eaters line up on the bridge and his hands tightened on my waist. I lay my head on his shoulder, he slipped his hand in my robe pocket and left something inside. I put my hand it and felt a laminated piece of paper and before pulling it out I knew instantly what it was.

“Thought you might need this, Sebby.” He didn’t move his gaze from the window but started stoking my hair. 

I clutched the photo of Eleanor, Ahar, Natasha and myself at the Yule ball with shaking hands. I sighed turning away from Jon I leaned up to kiss his lips.

“Jon..?” I said.

“Yeah?” He whispered.

“Please don’t die.” My voice was filled with grieve and sadness as I gave him one more loving kiss and turned to be with my friends.


	33. Chapter 9 - Natasha

Once again my life was a pile of useless shit. I’m at my wits end about being on this never ending rollercoaster as I scream for someone to stop it. Push the button and let me off, yet it’s the same vicious cycle. I’m broken, I’m repaired, I’m broken, I’m repaired. I’m broken. I’m trapped in my thoughts as I rewatch Saamir’s death over and over as if it was some show I’ve recorded for my own enjoyment. Except I don’t enjoy this, I’ve lost count the amount of times I’ve vomited. My screams that haunted me are his screams. My screams are worthless to him.

 

I lay motionless in a red and gold hammock the room of requirement conjured up out of thin air for me. I supposed I’m supposed to be impressed. I have no time for this shit anymore. Magic can suck my ass. Call me ungrateful yet I have nothing going for me, not in this magic world. It’s caused me to loose so much. My mother, my father, my cat, my home, my life, Saamir, my joy, my will to live.  
If it weren’t for my friends who had so much more to live for than me I suppose I wouldn’t care if I fell dead tomorrow.

 

I shook my head. I can’t keep thinking like this, there’s more to life than me swinging back and forth while counting the hours it’s been since Saamir had died. I glanced at Ahar guilty. He was still in the same position, in the corner, shaken up. I’m too scared to speak to him. I know, I know he that doesn’t blame me but who’s going to save me from blaming myself. Who’s going to stop me from saying it should have been me. I know that’s what they’re all thinking — no, no shut up brain don’t contract yourself, you know they’d never! — annnnnd here I am again. That vicious cycle. The front row of the roller coaster controlled by the Grimm-reaper himself. His skeleton fingers letting me off for a while, tricking me into thinking I’m going to be okay, letting the metal belt lift off me, allowing me to breath and then clamping it back down on me, taking my breath away as the ride gets faster and his laugh rings in my ears. I’ll never escape.

 

I don’t know how long I lay there for, but no one approached me, Sebastian busy helping the refugees and DA, Ellie was with her girl Safina, or well I think it is. I suppose I should ask when it’s all over, we could do with a wedding. I was left to my thoughts again when familiar bang of the painting slamming against the wall appeared, and out popped an excited Neville longbottom. I turned away, as much as I appreciate my house I couldn’t care about the drama. That was until about a hundred gasps of, “Potter!” shushed the room. Everyone turned to them as the clambered down the ladder looking like hell.

 

I knew the feeling all too well, and decided to listen in. Don’t get me wrong I have the deepest sympathy for him and all his sacrifices he’s made but it isn’t like me or anyone else haven’t had to make them too. One person can’t win a war.

 

The conversation was dull and pointless— an argument about how the DA can help, until he turned to address the whole room.  
“Okay! Okay! Listen.” Harry began, I turned my eyes to look at him. He was touching his forehead and hissing, that was bad I thought with a hint of concern  
“We-we’re looking for something, to help defeat the dark lord.” He swayed a bit, looking as though he might faint.  
“It’s probably something of ravenclaw…” and the conversation drifted into different theories until Luna Lovegood spoke out about a lost diadem. I turned to Ahar as I listen to them speak he looked a lot more determined, and less queasy but of course the sorrow was still lurking in his eyes.

 

I lay back down in my cocoon of depression when Ellie came over and watched me as I swing side to side. She gave me a look, and I returned it. It stayed like that— tense and awkward until she broke it with a sigh.  
“Oh, Nat!”  
I couldn’t form a response at her sad tone, the last thing I wanted was to upset her. Ellie has always been good to talk to, I sat up for the first time in hours and she came and sat besides me.  
“It was so quick, El!” I used a old nickname of hers that used anymore, it being adopted by Elspeth.  
“Shhh, Nat I know... there’s nothing you could have done…” she sighed sadly, stoking my hair as I laid my head on her shoulder and cried.  
“That’s just it though isn’t it!” I cried, “is there anything I can ever do?”  
“Natasha Donnelly! Don’t you dare speak about yourself like that again! So hat if you’re not good at magic, magic isn’t everything, Saamir taught us that! You’re more than that! You’ve just got to believe in yourself!” Ellie said sternly. And I pondered on it for a moment before giving her a nod.  
“Thank you.” I smiled. It was weak but it was something.

 

Everyone got changed back into their respective school robes. Luckily the room conjured some up for me and Ahar since we didn’t bring any. Harry Potter had a plan to get the bastard Snape out of the school. I was nervous, I know Harry’s brilliant but for Merlins sake us Gryffindors idea of a good plan well let’s just say they’re normally not so good.

 

We made it to the great hall where Snape stood with two death eaters behind him, the rest of the teachers stood either by their houses or the wall. All of them look sorrowful, even McGonagall had a hint of sorrow in her usual sassy stare. Snape started to speak but my ears where ringing. I missed everything he said till he walked slowly down the Gryffindor row and stopped a few feet away from me and then seemingly out of nowhere Harry stepped forward. My stomach fluttered and my knees shook. They sasses eachother and Harry shouted about how the security is bad. Then a group of older wizards, amongst was the Weasleys, and professor Lupin and few unrecognisable people. Then Harry cried out about how it was Snape who had killed Professor Dumbledore. The hall fell silent and we scattered to the sides leaving the middle open.

 

Snape drew his wand. Harry drew his, looking determined. But then in a twist of faith McGonagall stepped in front of Harry and drew her wand. Then I witnessed the most intense wordless spell battle of my life. I couldn’t even describe it but it was truly magical.

 

Snape escaped through the window but I found myself too happy to care. Everyone began to cheer on for McGonagall and Harry and Hogwarts suddenly felt like it used to - safe.

 

I let it die down for a while before nervously standing on the stage. I saw magonagal give me a look, and I looked back asking for permission to speak and she smiled, addressing everyone to shush and look. And then I spoke.

 

“I-I know you won’t all know me.” I glanced around the hall, “an are probably confused to why I’m standing up here talking to you all. Well it’s because I want everyone to know, regardless if it’s the people who know me or the people who done that I care and I just wanted to let everyone know that they’re not alone.” I gulped as I turned by gaze to my friends, all looking at me with pride.

 

“I want to let my friends know that I don’t blame them for anything that happened and no one else should blame theirs either. This may be the last hour of peace we have and if I don’t make it at least I know I gave my speech and let them know I care. Don’t leave it too late to tell the people who care about you the most that you care about them too.” My eyes fell to Sefina and Jon, then Ellie and Sebastian.

 

I stepped off the stage and everyone clapped and cheered and I felt as though the metal bar had been lifted once again and I was allowed to breath. Yet who knew how long for this time.


	34. Chapter 9 - Ahar

When the applause of the Great Hall followed Natasha’s speech, I felt a smile on my face for the first time in several hours. Yes, it hurt me to smile. How could I smile in a world where my father and brother could no longer smile with me? And yet I knew they were smiling with me. In my heart, they were smiling with me. They were smiling in the heart of my mother and my friends too. Chaos ensued in the hall, people running this way and that to their friends and families, bidding their emotional ‘I love you’ here and there.  
“Tasha,” Sebastian gestured to her, and once again, the four of us came together. My family. I may have lost some of my family today, but not all. They were here. We were here together.

 

For a while I took the time to notice the slight inward curve of Eleanor’s nose, and the tiny gap between her front teeth. I made sure to memorise the faint flush of Natasha’s cheeks that matched her hair so perfectly. And of course, I took Sebastian by the neck and pressed his forehead to mine, giving him, what Natasha had always called ‘the manly man neck crush forehead smush’.  
“I love you,” I told each of them in turn.  
“I love you,” They each told me in turn.  
At some point, I was vaguely aware of Ellie learning forward with a hankie and drying away the tears I didn’t know I was crying. Tears for my father. For my brother. For my mother. For my friends. For my family.  
“We’re going to get through this,” Ellie murmured in my ear, before giving me a tight hug. I hugged her back. I promised myself there and then I’d never, ever refuse a hug from anyone again. Ow many times did I roll my eyes at Saamir for giving me a hug? How much did I miss?

 

“Ahar,” Sebastian called. It surprised me he was only a few metres away. For a moment there, he had seemed so much further. I tilted my head at him slightly, but he gestured for me to come closer than him. I pointed at Ellie, but he shook his head, frowning slightly. Natasha whispered something in his ear and he gave a curt nod. Before I could tell Ellie to let go, she had pulled away from me. Quickly, she glanced over my shoulder and pecked me on the cheek.  
“Oh Merlin – Ahar – I’m so sorry, but,” she gestured over my shoulder. I turned around to see a young Hufflepuff – Susan Bones, I think? – carrying in a younger, bleeding student, probably only a first year. I could see Ellie itching to help, her caring instincts kicking in. Perfect excuse for me to escape over to Natasha and Sebastian.  
“Go to her, Ellie,” I nodded. With a look of grateful relief, she left my arms to pursue the struggling witch. Sebastian and Natasha approached me, both looking equally uncomfortable.

 

“Is there something wrong?” I asked, scratching the back of my neck nervously. They exchanged a fast look – but not fast enough for me not to notice.  
“Ahar, when… When you got here… Well…” Natasha stumbled, repeatedly twisting her tie around and around her finger like she always had when she had bad news – or when she wanted to copy my homework. Some magical gut feeling told me it was the former, as right now didn’t seem to be the time for copying potions homework.  
“What?” I snapped. Natasha looked hurt, but Sebastian’s nostrils flared and he snapped his fingers in my face.  
“We need to know who killed your father today,” Sebastian replied just as rudely. It was like a stab to the stomach. Instantly, my insides seized up and it took all my willpower not to release a grunt of pain at the thought of all three bolts of green lighting, green lightning coming after my father-  
“We’re sorry, Ahar,” Natasha put an arm out to me, to steady me, I realised moments later, “but you were shouting, and, well,” her voice dropped as low as possible, “Sebastian said you were shouting about Mrs Dubois – Eleanor’s mum.”

 

My gut twisted cruelly again, making me wince and my eyes water. But they were right. They needed to know the truth.  
“Mrs Dubois is a death eater,” I told them quietly, not wanting anyone – especially Ellie – to overhear, “and she – she and some others – they killed my dad.”  
Natasha’s eyes widened in shock, but Sebastain’s narrowed, in a way I could tell that his assumption had been confirmed.  
“But, but, she – she was always – she had us in her house – she’s Ellie’s mum!” Natasha struggled for words, stammering, obviously in shock. On instinct I pulled her under my arm and rubbed her shoulder, though my own heart ached and squeezed as I remembered the betrayal.  
“Don’t you dare say I told you so,” I told Sebastian plainly, warning him with a single sharp look. A rare look of surprise crossed his face, as if I had caught him off guard, but with a clench of his jaw he gave a single nod.

 

“What are we going to tell Ellie?” Natasha sniffed after a while, removing her head from my chest.  
“Nothing,” I said surely. Both Natasha and Sebastian looked at me in shock this time.  
“But she deserves to know,” Sebastian tried to interrupt, but I held up my hand, shaking my head.  
“Tear her family apart right before the war begins?” I half-laughed, “I can’t imagine what that would be like for her! Do you really want to put her though that right now? Because I sure as Merlin don’t!”  
“You’re right,” Natasha agreed, looking slightly guilty. I felt my heart twinge in pain for her, for the amount of blame she must be carrying on her shoulders right now, yet I couldn’t bring myself to tell her it was all okay. Heck – I didn’t blame her, of course I didn’t – but it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay that Saamir wasn’t here. So instead I squeezed her shoulder, hoping that would be comfort enough for now.  
“We tell her after,” Sebastian told us, “we tell Ellie about her mother when whatever fight has been fought. Agreed?”  
The four of us nodded solemnly, as we watched Ellie and Sefina disappear down the steps together.

 

“My father is proud of us,” my lips said before I could tell them to stop. On my left, Tasha took my hand, giving it a light tug. I tugged back, giving her a soft smile.  
“Saamir is prouder,” Sebastian added quietly, taking my right hand, “Saamir is so proud of both of you.” The three of us stood in silent appreciation, all crying, silently, but crying. Strong in spite of our tears.  
“When… When it happened,” Natasha spoke suddenly, her grip on my hand tightening, “he told me he died to make the world a better place. We have to make that mean something. For him – and – and your dad.”  
“We will,” I steeled myself, holding them both tightly, “we just need Eleanor, now, and then we will.”


	35. Chapter 9 - Sebastian

After the chilling talk with Ahar and Nat about Ellie’s mother I found it hard to look at her. I don’t blame her as you can not blame a child for their parents actions. It’s just that my heart aches as she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know that her mother is out there causing pain. It hurts me almost as much that I can not tell her, spare her the pain of finding out from somewhere else. Gosh, she deserves better. Every time we spoke I felt the urge to blurt it out creep up my throats but just as I was about to say it, say those crushing words — ‘Your mother is a deatheater.’ I bite my tongue.

 

I can’t tell her when I see her deep brown eyes light up, her bright smile as she lives. I don’t think I could survive in a world without that smile. It’s so bright it lights up my life. I cannot believe her mother has betrayed such a sweetheart. Poor Eleanor.

 

I felt a hand press against my sculptured back and I leaned against it heavily sighing. It was Jon and the simple fact that I could tell whom it was by one touch spoke volumes. I turned to him, he gave me a soft smile. He tapped against the bottom of my bag signifying he news nervous or simply being mischievous but given the fact that we are about to fight to the death I highly doubt it’s the latter. I looked into his warm eye and noticed the nerves as he grabbed my hands and sighed, bowing his head.

 

“What? What is it Jon?” I asked trying to keep the worry out of my voice but it was hard. I can count the times I’ve seen him this serious on one hand and every time it’s been for a really good reason.  
“Can I talk to yeh?” He muttered, shrugging and shuffling on his feet.  
“What do you think we’re doing Jon?” I smirk trying to lighten up the mood but he scolds me. I felt my stomach squirm, I really didn’t like where this was going.  
“Aye,” He sighed again as a warning and dragged me off to a secluded corner where no one would bother us.  
“Sebastian... I... I need to tell you something so important and I don’t want you to speak till I’m done,” he looked me in the eye and my breath hitched, this was so intense I didn’t know how to feel so I did what I thought was best and nodded, waiting for him to tell me what he had to say.

 

“Sebastian Volkov. Me and you ‘av been so close since I seduced you when you came to my dorm room in that dashin’ red suit dying from the heat of Hogwarts. We hit it off instantly and I’ve never be able to stay away. I thought you go back to Russia and that would be the last time I ever saw you and I didn’t think much of it. It would have been a fun story to tell when I left this place… But to my delighted surprised there you were in green and silver three years later, and you trapped me in your spell again but of course we weren’t exclusive, we didn’t need to be... But sebby…” he took my hands in his and kissed them,  
“Have you ever stopped to question why for the past year of school we’ve only fucked each other? We’ve only kissed each other and we’ve only confined in each other. Because I have and I know why, and I know you know why too Sebastian.”

 

He looked up at me and met my eyes and I saw the passion and determination. Of course I knew, I’ve known for months but that hasn’t stoped the denial.  
“I love you,” He said. My heart stopped. I stared at him my mouth open and a panicked gasped left me. I slid to my knees and my back hit the wall of the corner. Of course I knew! But to hear him say - say it, say those words to me! I didn’t expect how sure he was I couldn’t grasp it. Jon loved me. I shook my head to clear my thought but clearly Jon took it the wrong way.

 

“For fuck sake, Sebastian. I’ve just declared my love for you and you can’t even speak!” He looked raw with anger but I knew it to be a defensive mechanism, I felt need to tell him, he was wrong but my brain screamed at me no. Don’t be like your father Sebastian. Don’t get attached. Don’t open your heart up to die from having it broken.

 

Before it could escalate Ellie came over and opened her moth to speak, yet was stopped by Jon storming away he turned back to me his eyes cold and icy. Rejection burning out his heart.  
“When you feel like I’m worthy of your speech again your highness, you know where to find me!” But before he could leave completely I croaked out his name.  
“Jon!” I roared he turned his eyebrow raised.  
“T-talk after the war? Don’t die, please?” I pleaded it was all I could give. He nodded, still mad, and stormed away.

 

Ellie sat down next to me and rested her head in my shoulder.  
“Love, huh?” She muttered. It shouldn’t of but it did make me give a small chuckle.  
I didn’t reply I just snuggled into her but she sighed.  
“Don’t worry, Sebby,” She used his nickname for me on purpose.  
“When the war is over you two will find each other, at least he’s not ashamed to admit he loves you.” I gave her shoulder a squeeze, my gaze falling to Safina who looked a little lost standing by herself. For the first time ever I felt the smallest bit of pity towards her. We were the same to an existent I see so much of what I hate about myself and it makes me hate her. I know that I can’t excuse me being a hypocrite but I’ve never did claim to be a perfect man. We all have bad traits it’s what makes us human.

 

I kissed Ellie on the cheek and told her to go and talk to Sefina, and left to find Natasha practicing by herself with her tongue poking out the side of her mouth. I took pitty on her and began helping her duel. She was powerful when she needed to be despite what she and others might think she comes through in a time of need.


	36. Chapter 9 - Eleanor

It was only fifteen minutes until the fight was to begin… But only officially, only this part of the fight. The war had been going on for months – years, even. Already it had taken so much. Uncle Sahir, the only uncle I had ever known, like a father to me in more ways than I could count. Even more awful, Saamir, sweet, soft, smart Saamir, who was only fourteen, who couldn’t even do magic, who should have never, ever laid down his life for our kind. Grief shook me once again, but I wouldn’t let myself cry. It wasn’t my place to cry. Not anymore. I won’t be known as the girl who cried in the face of battle, I won’t. I won’t.

 

Still, my heart ached. My heart ached for Uncle Sahir and innocent Saamir. My heart ached for Ahar, who lost half his family within minutes of each other, and for Sebastian, who held him as grief tore him apart inside. My heart ached for Natasha, who will always blame herself, no matter what words we use to comfort her, for loosing Saamir. My heart ached for my own family, who must be safe at home, my parents holding Elspeth. They must be so worried about me. I wish I could tell them that I’m alright.

 

“Eleanor?” Sefina walked up to me, placing a hand on my forearm. Her voice was calmer than usual, as smooth as butter, “I heard about Ahar’s father, at the ministry. I’m so sorry Ellie, I know you’re close to his family.”  
“Saamir too,” I added, quietly, as she wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed a kiss to my temple. She frowned.  
“Saamir?” She asked, pulling back ever so slightly to get a good look at my face. I bit my lip, hard.  
“Ahar’s brother, Saamir Das. We lost him, today, too,” I explained, a lump in my throat.  
“I didn’t know he even had a brother,” She said, almost to herself, but then her face fell and she pulled me back towards her. The smallest of sobs escaped my lips but I steeled myself and took her face in my hands, kissing her hard, then harder. Wait – oh Merlin – I was kissing her in front of half the school – nobody was supposed to know about us, just Seb – oh Merlin –

 

When I pulled back, both of us were breathing hard, our cheeks a blatant bright red. Sefina tried desperately to look non-pulsed, tucking her hair behind her ears.  
“Sef – I – I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, I just…” But before I could finish, she stepped towards me again and grabbed my thick hips… And she kissed me. She was, optionally, kissing me in front of the whole school. I overcame my initial shock and tilted my head down towards her, our noses bumping as I deepened the kiss.  
“Ellie,” she whispered against my mouth, and I stooped kissing her for a moment, my eyelids flickering open. She kissed me again, lighter this time, before pulling back.  
“Sef?” I must’ve looked worried, because she quickly took both my hands.  
“Ellie, I don’t want to be afraid, I want to be with you,” she almost shouted – but she needed to, people were beginning to run ramped, preparing for the battle now less than ten minutes away, “I don’t want to lose you tonight, Ellie. I want you to fight at my side. I want to win this war with your hand in mine. I love you, Eleanor Dubois, I love you so freaking much.”

 

Desperate for more time, I pulled her in to a corner and kissed her again. Sefina wanted me. Sefina wanted to be with me. Sefina loved me. But I couldn’t trust her. What if it was just the courage in the room talking? What if things go back to the way they were before today? Most importantly, I couldn’t leave my friends. I could see them out of the corner of my eye, waiting at the top of the stairs for me, Sebastian looking particularly angry… Or worried. It was hard to tell sometimes.

 

“Ellie, c’mon, you’re killing me here!” Sefina laughed, squeezing my hands harder. Though she smiled I could see her face wobbling, her hands shaking (or was that my hands?) as she waited for my response. I kissed her a final time.  
“Sefina Toala-Moa. I have loved you since the day we were sorted, every day since that day, more and more so, every day. I think,” I bit my lip hard, but couldn’t help but laugh too, “I think I’m going to love you for forever, Sef. But my friends need me. Because they are loyal, and honest, and they’ve never been ashamed of me.”  
Her eyes flashed with pain, and she cupped one of my dark brown cheeks with her own, lighter brown hand.  
“I’ve never been ashamed of you Ellie. I’ve been ashamed with myself. I’m not brave like you, I’ve always been too afraid to be – to be – to be a, a lesbian, or whatever. But never you. Merlin and Maui, never you, Eleanor. I was never ashamed of you.”  
My heart soared a little in my chest, but I couldn’t show it. Sebastian was beginning to job down the stairs towards us now. People were shouting out, ‘five minutes! Five minutes to go!’.

 

“I still have to be with them, Sef, you know I do. I love them all too,” I nodded at Sebastian, who stopped halfway down and gestured at me (rather rudely, to be fair) to hurry up. Sefina looked round and sniffed heavily, but nodded.  
“You do. And Sebastian isn’t going to want to fight hand in hand with me,” She waggled her eyebrows, and we both laughed. But she was right, it wouldn’t work.  
“If you still love me, when all of this is over, find me,” I gave her a final, final kiss, and let go of her. I could see she was about to open her mouth, but there was no time left.

 

A large bang sounded at the front of the castle and Sebastian sprinted to me – actually sprinted – grabbing my hand and pulling me up the steps to Natasha and Ahar. When we reached the top, I took Natasha’s free hand in my own. For the briefest moment, the four of us stood there, watching as our classmates, housemates, fellow students, teachers, others who we didn’t know, all run forward. The apocalypse was now. This was the beginning of the end.  
“Are we ready?” Natasha asked – she must have shouted for me to be able to hear her, but it sounded like a whisper.  
“No,” Sebastian replied sharply. All four of us let out nervous laughs.  
“For my dad. For Saamir!” Ahar called out.  
“For Saamir!” Natasha, Sebastian and I shouted in reply. And then Natasha took the first step forward, and we were running down the steps, into Armageddon, into war, into whatever the world had for us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again sorry for the spam of the last three chapters, I had forgotten to upload onto here. If you're interested on getting updates quickly and more efficiently then Quotev is the Best Place for you!


	37. Chapter 10 - Ahar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again... long time no see, i know, the ending has been up on quotev for two months and me (being me) was too lazy to transfer over the remaining chapters, but its 4am, i'm sick and on Christmas break so now's a good time as ever ay!

As soon as the doors opened You-Know-Who’s followers were upon us. Actually, fuck it, Voldemort’s followers were upon us. There was nothing else he could make me fear for. He had done the worst he could do to me, to my family, to other people’s families. Nothing about him could scare me anymore. And if these people supported him, well, fuck them too. This was war.  
“Cover me,” I shouted across the noise to Sebastian, who had just flung his first ‘stupefy’ at a scabby looking death eater who had been making a beeline for Natasha. His head whipped round and he gave me a bold grin.  
“No, Das, you cover me!” he nodded his head to the side and we began to run forward, crossing spells more than once, finding ourselves back to back in the face or three – no, four – sneering and aggressive Deatheaters.

 

“Hah! You call that an oppugno?” I teased heartily as Seb charmed a brick to fly at the head of the nearest Deatheater. Scanning the entrance hall, I saw a row of smashed windows. I took a moment to centre my power, before reaching out with both hands, my wand in one and my palm flat open in the other. Slowly, the scattered glass began to rise into the air, swirling above us like a shimmering cloud. Seeing what I was about to do, Seb poked his tongue out at me and drew his robe sleeve protectively over his face.  
“Oppugno!” I bellowed, sending the shards of glass flying at our four attackers. All of them let out yelps of pain as the sharp pieces burrowed deep in to their skin, falling to the floor. When I removed my own sleeve from across my face, Sebastian pulled me hard behind his back, sending out a full body binding curse at an attacker I hadn’t seen coming.  
“Thanks,” I breathed in shock. Sebastian clapped me on the shoulder.  
“Not so tricky now, Das,” he teased right back. Though I rolled my eyes, my smile was obvious. Merlin, this guy. He’d always been my only real duelling competition.

 

“Down!” A voice ordered us – Natasha. Both Seb and I dropped to our knees as a wave of purple light rippled over our heads. Everything sounded muffled, but when I raised my head, I saw Ellie was stood over us, holding a blockade that seemed to be preventing anyone coming any closer to us, whist Natasha threw bursts of fiendfyre the other side.  
“Don’t be so stupid!” Ellie scolded us, but Sebastian and I just laughed at each other, only a little guilty, “ready, Nat?”  
“Ready!” Natasha barked. With a large bang, Ellie threw herself to the ground. Beneath us there was a steady rumbling, weak enough she didn’t fall, but strong enough it wasn’t safe to stand.  
“What the…” Sebastian stopped dead and stared past me. I turned as I watched – Bathilda Bagshot, Merlin and his underwear – Natasha was raising the very circle of ground we were stood on, giving us a two-metre view above what was now effectively the battlefield.  
“Tasha…” Ellie panted heavily, eyes wide in surprise. Natasha gave a soft laugh and tucked her hair behind her ears.  
“Thought it might help,” she caught my eye and gave a proud smile, “your dad taught me that spell.”  
My heart soared.

 

Together, the four of us stood up the erected podium, ducking around each other as well as spells. For the most part I used the castle to our benefit, wiping out Deatheaters using stone bricks, glass, even the castle’s statues. Meanwhile, Sebastian’s offence came from within, years of wishing for vengeance for his parents bubbling to the surface and spilling out in the forms of curses, jinxes, hexes, some so complicated it made my eyes water to even think of the mass amount of magic he must be spewing out through his wand. On the other hand, Ellie kept us well defended, blocking, repelling and creating protective forcefields when she needed to. But Natasha – our hopeless Natasha – she was in her element. For the first time I could see her matching and at points even surpassing my and Sebastian’s own abilities, in all three fields. I was so proud of her. I was so proud of all of them. I knew my father and my brother would be too, if only they were here to see.

 

“Natasha! Ahar!” an all too familiar voice called, all too late. Both of us turned to watch as Jacqueline, the little Hufflepuff refugee we had lived with earlier in the year, was blast back by a particularly vulgar looking deatheater. Natasha let out a yelp and without warning jumped off the podium, sparking me in to action.  
“Levicorpus!” I cast at her, catching her fall before she could break a bone hitting the ground. Without a chance to warn Ellie or Sebastian, I also hurtled off of the make-shift podium and landed beside Natasha. Both of us sprinted towards Jacqueline, only hoping that Sebastian and Ellie were protecting us from their advantage point.  
“Incarcerous!” I threw at the deatheater, causing ropes to appear and bind right around his body. He swore as he collapsed, writhing, to the ground.  
“Oh, God, Jacky, Jacky…” Natasha was desperately trying to heal the crying girl, only twelve, too young to be fighting a beast of a man like that. Though I wanted to help, I had to look away, tears for my brother burning in my eyes.

 

“What’s going on?” Sebastian spoke loudly into my ear, pulling on my shoulder, hard. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Ellie talking to Jacqueline, fast French zipping between them as Natasha stood over them, wand out in protection.  
“We need to move her,” I told Sebastian and yanked my shoulder out of his grip, “you’re strongest, you’ll have to carry her.”  
Though he looked as if he wanted to argue, Ellie shouted something at him, also in French, and he hurried over. My eyes flew to Natasha, who was already looking at me, waiting for my suggestion.  
“Cover them from behind,” I cupped my hands around my mouth so my words would reach her, “get Jacqueline to the dungeons, it’s the safehouse!”  
Seeing Seb had Jacqueline in his arms and Ellie was attempting to heal, or at least stifle, her wounds, I took off at a jog.

 

Heading away from the fighting was far easier than heading towards it. Carefully, I picked our way through duelling persons and fallen parts of the castle’s once grand interior. Each flick of my wand cleared the rubble in our path and within minutes we were all sprinting down the corridor that lead to the dungeons. When we reached the heavy wooden door, I took the metal handle in both hands and threw it back. It hit the wall with a loud cracking noise, which despite the situation would’ve been somewhat satisfying to hear.  
“Who’s there?” a nervous voice asked. Like a cat from the shadows, a young Slytherin girl stepped forward. Looking me up and down, she raised her wand, hand shaking slightly.  
“Wait!” Ellie panted, appearing behind me. As the girl saw her she dropped her wand and gave what was almost a smile.  
“You! You saved me from Professor Carrow!” She pointed at Ellie, then noticed Sebastian as well, “and you! You distracted them so we could get away!” her smile fell as she noticed Jacqueline, who was now moaning loudly in pain, her head lolling about where it rested on Sebastian’s muscular arm.  
“Please, she’s injured, she needs-“ Natasha began to babble, but the small girl held up a hand.  
“A healer? We have plenty. Come on!” she waved at us to follow her, and so we did.

 

Incredible. Absolutely incredible. The entire dungeons had been made into an infirmary, with injured lying across desks being seen to. Students – most notably Slytherins – were bristling about all over the place, clutching bottles of potions, brewing potions themselves, carrying fresh bandages, casting healing incantations or simply holding the hands of other students who were being treated. Never in all my seven years at Hogwarts had I ever seen the school body come together in such a way. It would be beautiful, if not so poignantly sad. Whilst Sebastian lay Jaqueline down,  Natasha and Ellie saw to her, Ellie soothing her with French lullabies whist Natasha helped rub a potion in to her wounds, I took the opportunity to disappear in to the corridor. When I stepped out, I allowed myself a moment to sink back in to my grief. For a short minute I let myself cry. I had to. I needed a moment to feel human again. But that moment wouldn’t last long,

 

“Well, well, well, who do we have here?”  
Something, something inside of me, deep inside of me – it ignited.

 

Before he could even guess he had caught me of guard I sent a bolt of bright orange pain straight at Rabastan Lestrange. As he swore out, power surged through my body and I find myself hitting him with the same spell again and again, completely wordless. My father. He killed my father.  
“Ahar!” A voice thundered down the hall behind me. Just as Sebastian ran to my side, sending a wave of pale green light rippling out to Rabastan, Crabbe Senior appeared around the corner. Whipping my wand back faster than I ever knew I could I knocked Sebastian back behind a barrier. Not now. This was my fight to be had, alone.

 

Crack. Crack. Whip. Bang. Crack. Spells flew like crazy between myself at the two vile, murderous men that stood before me. I felt like a man possessed, repeatedly knocking them back and stopping Sebastian from breaking through the barrier.  
“Ahar! Do not be a fucking idiot right now! Ahar!” he continued to try to break through the soft purple shield that divided us. Didn’t he see? I had to do this. I had to do this for me. Natasha avenged my brother, but only I could avenge my father.  
“Pity he’s not here to see you, isn’t it? Can I come to the funeral?” Rabastan sneered. Fire exploded inside of me. A leglimence. Rabastan Lestrange was a leglimence. He could read my every thought, see my every oncoming spell. There was only one thing I could do. Two sperate lightning strikes of green light left my wand. One hit Crabbe Senior, a sneer still etched on his face. The other, Rabastan Lestrange. I watched his body fall, still laughing, to the very last breath.

 

My father was dead. My father was… Dead.

 

“Ahar?” I thought I could hear Sebastian calling, but he seemed so far away…  
“They are dead, now,” I muttered, sitting quietly on the floor, shutting my eyes and casting aside my wand, “they killed my father, and now they are dead too.”  
Someone was holding my face, their curly hair tickling my torn and bleeding skin. Russian and French swirled in the air, mixed in with the faintest sound of Natasha’s voice. Not that that mattered. They were dead. They were all dead, and we were going to die too.


	38. Chapter 10- Natasha

With a Ahar spaced out it was up to me and Sebastian to help them. Ellie knew she was best at comforting therefore there quite frankly wasn’t a choice. The fight had to keep going and by the looks of things, Sebastian was too into the fight to stop, clearly he’s been waiting for this moment for months. But haven’t we all? 

We worked in sync, Ellie and Ahar in between us, our backs facing each other as our magic intertwined, Sebastian was getting distracted as he kept glancing down to Ahar, clearly worried. I grew more determined with each spell I shot at the radical bastards, and with each shot my confidence grew. This is single handily the best I’ve ever been at magic, and it’s better than I ever thought I could achieve. All that time I spent in doubt of my ability, when it’s been hidden inside of me all along. Who knew all it took was a fucking war huh? 

We continued on like that for merlin knows how long, my arm shaking with the strength of my magic but the adrenaline kept me going. With a sharp cry of pain I heard Sebastian tumble to the ground close to Ellie, clutching his right leg as blood poured out of it. she cried out for him, wearily pulling him to rest his weight on Ahar, seeing my friends guards down, anger took over me. I sent the death eaters on my side crashing into one another like petty dominos. I took Sebastian’s place and he looked up at me, even though his face was crumbled with pain he smiled gaving me a short nod of confirmation and I stepped up to the plate.

It was up to me now, with Sebastian out with a gushing, definitely broken leg, Ahar immobilised by depression while Ellie nurses them both, who else could it be? It’s time for me to step up and for once I didn’t question my ability. I’m sick of my friends hurting, my classmates dying and most of all  I’m sick of fucking Voldemort and his bandwagon of racist...  
“CUNTS.” I spat as a stinging curse waved over me. Only making my determination grow, I started taking them down, not as graceful or efficient as Sebastian but just as effective.

I began to use spells that were elite and powerful, the boys didn’t know I used to listen to them, go on and on (and on) about wordless spells and hey wouldn’t you know I’m actually quite good at this magic thing when I need to be. I glanced behind me to make sure my friends where okay, and they were all beaming up at me, I let my guard down for a split second in which I was nearly shot with the killing curse but Sweet, sweet, Melody engulfed me in a full body tackle to the ground that despite the environment had me squealing her name in a giggle.

“Sorry!” She said in a pant. “D-didn’t — I didn’t know. Just did the first thing!  you where- die?” She muttered in broken English, clearly flushed and the idea of my death. I just gave her a short hug, forgetting where we were for a second, until Sebastian shouted,  
“Girls!” and shot a spell at the death eater who was seconds way from killing us both.  
Melody and I shared a look, she grinned, and we took our places besides each other.  
“How ‘bout we show these just what muggleborns are capable of eh?”  I nodded with a smirk and we started to limit the death eaters around us, we were so distracted by the front, one crafty bastard was able to sneak up behind and grabbed Melody making her grunt and kick around.

Ellie shot up to come and help us but I just gave her a small smirk, as I kicked the death eater in his balls causing him to cry out in pain while dropping his hold on melody and his wand. The wand rolled to Ellie and she giggled, and looked him in the as a she almost sadistily snapped it into so many pieces, if It was to be repaired there’s definitely not a chance now. People say Hufflepuffs aren't scary, Jesus.

The death eaters that remained retreated into the signifying black mist and we all glanced around confused. A little first year Slytherin ran towards us, panting and looking afraid yet spoke softly,  
“I-I’m here to inform you all of the hour of peace. Magonagal wants all to retreat to the hall, it’s the last chance to heal the wounded.”  And he run off again in search others.  
I left out a sigh, Ahar stood up along with Sebastian and Ellie, engulfing me in a 'thank you' hug. Melody stood idly by and I exstended my free arm out to her but she shook her head and pointed in the direction of the hall, mouthing ‘gotta see where john is!’ I nodded with a smirk as I noticed her plump cheeks turn a rose red. That brought a chuckle out of me while filling my heart with hope. Dumbledore was right even in the darkest of times one does have to follow the light and maybe, just maybe we’ll be okay.

We made our way to the hall and it was hectic. Everyone was talking frantically while shouting the names of friends and lovers alike, looking to see if they’re alive. I saw Sebastian’s eyes do a deep search for Jon, while Ellie kept her eyes to one place, like she was afraid to know the truth.  
We found a empty spot, that thankfully wasn’t filled with blood stains and cramped ourselves into it. Sebastian began healing his leg up fully and Ahar looked lost in his head.

I turned to Ellie, laying my head in her chest, she stroked my hair and hummed softly. It was nice moments like this with her, I haven’t had many in too long. Note to self, after the war spend more time with this shy lesbian.

“Do you think we’ll win?” She asked softly, so only I could hear.  
“I know it.” I said with 100% confidence.  
“How?” She whispered, finally taking it upon herself to look around the remains of Hogwarts. I looked around too and I pointed at the group of refugees who stayed in Ahar’s, crouched around something? someone?  
“If we truly weren’t going to win. People like them.” I moved my finger to poke at Ellie’s heart “and you wouldn’t exsist. You’re too good for this world but we’re all here for a reason. We’re all here to kick voldermort in his pale booty.” We snickered together and my gaze ran over to the refugees and when melody moved slightly, I saw that it was Johnny who lay dead on the floor.

I shot up out of Ellie’s lap, and shouted “JOHNS DEAD!” with a gasp, Sebastian stood up so quickly it nearly made Ahar fall over from the whoosh of the air.   
“Where! Where is he!” He hissed, his eyes searching the crowd. The others stood up now too but Ahar seemed to  catch onto it having met Johnny before, He looked at me full of sorrow and kept Seb back by his shoulder.  
“S-sorry sebby- seb! I-I it’s not Scottish Jon.. it’s a friend of mine Johnathan?” I looked at him full of guilt. He just stared at me and blinked, engulfing me in a hug and whispering,  
“Never do that again little lion... so sorry for your loss." 

We sat in silence as the hour went on mentally preparing for the rest of the battle when suddenly everyone rushed out on to the courtyard. When the army of death eaters appeared in a thick foggy smoke. We pushed our way through the crowd to see the line of death eaters and Voldermort himself.

And, and Hagrid carrying is that…  
Harry Potter?

My heart thudded in my chest as Voldermort opened his smug grin and dramatically screamed   
“HARRY POTTER IS DEAD!” while the rest of his followers chuckled with delight. He made a trusted death eater, I think I thought was Dracos Mother, check Harry's pulse. When she confirmed Harry was dead, his cruel and sadistic mind decided to use.. use the cruciatus curse on the dead body, making it jerk and wiggle. I felt my throat tighten as I gripped Ahar's hand till my knuckles turned white. Our eyes glued shut, as we tried to stay out of our twisted heads.


	39. Chapter 10 - Sebastain

I felt the crowd of students stare at the dead body that lay limp in, the Ground Keepers, shaking arms as his massive raindrop like tears pelted the dead boy. The dead boy, who sacrificed everything for us. The enemies howling laughter ringing in all our ears. Though I had only one interaction with Harry Potter I couldn’t help the misery that made my heart sink to the pit of my stomach. The brainy friend of his, Hermione? (who was chummy with Krum) was weeping respectively in Ronald Weasleys’ arms as Lord Voldermort spoke.

“Harry Potter IS dead!” He repeated with a serpent like grin. No one spoke everyone waited anxiously.  
“I offer one last chance to join me.” He sneered, a tense atmosphere fell upon the students and I held my breath. The idea of anyone moving to support such a vicious, cruel man — no not even man, thing, bewildered me. The Malfoys’ urged Draco, from my house, forward and he willingly complied. I felt the ache in my heart deepen. You could see from the stiff way he walked and the lifeless look on his sunken face that he didn’t want to, but if there’s anything I learnt from Ellie, it’s that family is important. Sometimes conforming is easier, is safer, is the right thing to do. My gaze fell to her as I pulled her into a side-ways hug, muttering in Russian that’s she’ll be alright.

Voldermort addressed Draco and brought him into a stiff, unwanted Hug. Another moment or two passed where Draco continued his stiff walk to his mothers warm embrace. She was the one to announce that Harry was truly dead, even thought the Dark Lord used cruciatus curse to prove his point. Sick formed in my mouth as I remembered the first year boy, and sorrow hit me again when I remembered how Natasha and Ahar shuddered and clamped their eyes shut, wanting nothing but it to be over.

 He turned to addressed the crowd again, no one moved until, with a determined look, but shakey breath, poor Neville Longbottom hobbled forward. I cursed under my breath. If there’s anything I do know is that He’s a Brave soul just like like Natasha he lacked the coincidence. My gaze then fell to her, her red hair the only thing lighting up the darkness, she watched Longbottom with a tearful gaze. 

The dark lord addressed Longbottom, sneering and joking at his name. But to all of our surprise and Longbottom proved us, and everyone who doubted him wrong.  
“I’d-I’d like to say something.” He stuttered.  
“I think we’d all like to hear what you have to say.” Voldermort huffed.  
“It doesn't matter that Harry's gone.” He addressed voldermort, growing more brave with each step he took, turning to the crowd of students. Seamus Finnigan, reached out for him and shouted  
“Stand down Neville!” In his deep routed Irish accent.  
Longbottom shook his head, “People die every day. Friends, family. Yeah, we still lost Harry tonight” he looked down before looking back up, and shouting  “He's still with us, in here” he pointed his shaking hand to his heart, thudding his chest for emphasis.   
“So's Fred, Remus, Tonks... they didn't die in vain. But YOU will.”  He charged at voldermort.  
“'Cause you're wrong! Harry's heart did beat for us! For all of us! It's not over!”  He picked up the sorting  hat voldermort summoned earlier, that was crisped and charcoaled from the flames inflicted upon it and relieved, in a swift lunge the sword of Gryffindor. 

Myself and the crowd made a collected gasp as at the exact same moment Harry Potter sprung to life, Draco flung him a wand and began duelling with the dark lord. It happened in a matter of seconds, everyone sprang back into action as voldermort and Harry's fight got nasty. The war started up again with death eaters fleeing left and right, only Voldermort most loyal stayed.  I turned to my friends, guiding them to the remaining DA members. Who looked at a loss for what to do, expelliaumusing any death eaters they could. I took charge with all of Harrys’ closest friends rushing to help him, there was no one to lead.

“Okay listen up you lokhi.” (Fuckers) I eyed all of them, my gaze lingering on Jon, who had a deep slash running across the left side of his face, I had to stop my hands from grabbing him to inspect and heal it.  
“I have a plan, split up into small groups, keep each others backs, trust your group with your life. Youu heard the boy who lived! Kill the fucking snake. Make sure Voldermort or no other gets to Harry’s friends, the snake must be killed.” Everyone nodded splitting into groups.

Ahar, Natasha and Ellie formed a small circle around me. “Ready?” I shouted. Everyone one gave a harty battle cry. “CHARRRRRRGE!” I roared, watching everyone flow into the battle, Harry’s newest diversion from death filling us all with the determination me needed to end this. Before Jon could run past me, I pulled him by his arm into a breathless snog. It was brief but firm, once it was over, I pulled away just far enough so he could hear me but, still feel my warm breath prickle at his cheeks. I looked him in his gorgeous mocha eyes. 

“I love you. Don’t die.”  

I charged, quickly followed by Ahar and the girls. The fight was unforgiving, our group of four got split quicker than I anticipated, Ahar and Natasha were gone from my sight, so I pulled Ellie to my side.  
“Stay close, lion and Eagle unwillingly diverted... keep a look out.” Ellie nodded and we formed a pact, I smiled at her softly, as we dominated the battlefield in search of our friends, no our family. A blur of fiery red locks whipped past me, and in my confused haze a blinding spell came hurdling towards me, making me blink rapidly to rid of the temporal blindness. 

When my sight returned, a pack of death eaters came swarming towards me and I noticed Ellie and I had also be separated. I fought the pact off with ease. Yet more and more kept coming, I felt a tug on my arm and jerked to see Jon dragging me behind him.   
“You didn’t think I’d just leave after you said that!” He shouted angrily, we were facing each other back to back now as we protected each-other.   
“Well we are in a war Jon.” I panted out my reply, he huffed sounding more annoyed, his magic becoming stronger.  
“Yes of course you, fuckin’ Sebastian Volkov said the one thing-” He shouted thing with a hiss as he took down a whole row of death eaters impressively.  
“-the one thing I’ve waited for you to say for years.”  He growled.  
“I can’t see why you’re angry about me saying it.” I shrugged, using a shield spell to protect him.  
“You can’t see why I? Arrrrgh!” He frowned at me,

“You’ll be the death of me you sexy asshole.”  
I began laughing before I stopping abruptly. I spotted my family struggling to fight offa large group of death eaters. That also contained Ellie’s mother. It didn't see like Ellie had noticed her own mother yet and I knew I had to rush in there or something may happen.  
“Come on!” I shouted at Jon as he finished off the remaining death eaters, leaving them in an unconscious state and sprinted to the scene, Jon not far behind.


	40. Chapter 10 - Eleanor

“Seb! Sebastian!” I struggled desperately to get free from the crowd carrying me away from Sebastian, away from Ahar and Natasha. Over the sea of heads, I saw him – and was that Jon? They were running in the opposite direction to help Natasha and Ahar, who were weighed down with deatheaters. Once again, I tried to push through, but a stray hex hit me square in the back. Before I knew what was happening I began to heave deeply from my stomach. A knock of someone’s elbow sent me tumbling to the floor. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t breathe-  
“Eleanor Dubois?” a vaguely familiar voice called out, but I couldn’t reply; I was hunched over my knees, choking to death on nothing but my own tongue.

 

Without warning, two strong arms had rolled me over. There was a sharp poke in my chest, but within seconds, I found myself dragging a rugged breath in.  
“Thank – you –“ I panted heavily. My hero knelt over me, so I looked up at them. Him. Samuele Genovese! But – but – his family were deatheaters. Why was he helping me?  
“Think nothing of it, kid,” he flashed me a bright grin, then helped me back on to my feet, “Hufflepuffs look after their own!”  
And before I could thank him properly, or ask if he was okay, or even say goodbye, he was off like a shot. A moment passed where I blinked at the spot he stood in, just regaining a more stable breathing pattern. But there was no time to wait in war. Steeling myself - and this time paying more attention – I too began to run again.

 

Sebastian, Ahar, Natasha – I had to find them. How stupid was I to get myself split up from them? What if something happened and I – and I wasn’t there? Merlin, Ellie, keep it together! Now is not the time to lose your mind! Just focus, just get through this, just find them.  
“Ellie! Ellie!” a panicked voice called out. I whirled round, expecting to see Natasha, in need of my help.  
“Nat?” I shouted – no, screamed. But it wasn’t Natasha, not calling me. My eyes widened in horror.  
“Ellie!” The voice called again. My heart in my throat, I looked up… Evie. Evie Donner. The Ravenclaw I had spent the last few months baking with every morning, every night. Dangling, by the leg, from the clenched fist of a giant.  
“Ellie!” she shrieked, wiggling and squirming the best she could, as the giant lifted her closer and closer to his mouth. No. No.  
“La sauver!” I threw all of my magic in to the spell, my foreign tongue slipping through. A golden-yellow rope shot from my wand, covering the giant’s face, a hundred or more black little spikes digging in to its rotten green skin. With a holler of pain, he released Evie, sending her spiralling to the ground. Once again, my wand acted without my thinking, the words tumbling out of my mouth without a single thought. Instead of falling, she drifted gently to the ground, landing on her feet.

 

“Ellie! Oh my God, Ellie!” She cried, throwing herself in to my arms. I held her tight, letting her have a moment to process what was probably the most horrible moment of her life.  
“It’s okay, Evie, it’s alright,” I reassured her, patting her gently on the back.  
“Save her,” she mumbled dizzily in to my shoulder. I looked about us, confused, but the giant had turned its back to us and was now being handled by a proud looking Professor Sprout.  
“What?” I asked.  
“The spell you said – ‘save her’ – that’s what it means in French, right?” Evie smiled, obviously shaken, but pleased for me. Sweet Evie.  
“Yeah,” I felt myself flush with pride as I confirmed what she had suggested. La sauver. Save her. The strongest piece of magic I’d ever performed was to save someone. To save a good and true friend.  
“Thank you,” Evie said, but I just shook my head, understanding now why Samuele hadn’t accepted my earlier thanks. There was nothing in saving a life but love. When Evie’s friends approached us, I let her go, turning to run back in to the castle. I had to find my friends.

 

As I passed through a crumbled entrance, I stopped dead in my tracks. Sefina. Climbing through the rubble, covered in all kinds of dust – and blood. Recklessly I charged towards her, tripping slightly on my feet as I did so.  
“Ellie!” She saw me, a weak smile spreading across her face. A very weak smile. Was she really that pale under all the dirt on her face?  
“Sef, what’s wrong?” I tumbled to the rubble in front of her, clutching her hand tightly. With a wince, she looked over my shoulder.  
“Where are your friends?” She semi-asked, semi-whined. There was a large purple gash down her right leg, the flesh around it a frightening shade of blue.  
“We got split up,” I took my wand and slowly pushed it to the top of the wound. Sefina gasped, grabbing my upper arm, “Sef… Where are your friends?”  
With a sob of pain, she shook her head.  
“I don’t have friends, Ellie. Just you. I only have you…” her watery eyes met mine, “well, I don’t even have you, do I?”  
By now the majority of the poison in her leg had receeded, leaving only a light purple line. I gave a quick short kiss.  
“Find me,” I told her, “and you’ll have me. Go find somewhere safe, and when it’s over, find me.”  
Her light green eyes swam with warmth as she looked at me.  
“Who are you?” she tilted her head at me. I simply smiled,  
“I’m Eleanor Dubious.”

 

Thump. Thump. Thump. The sound of my heart beating in my chest was as loud as the sound of my shoes thudding down the corridor. Blood. Bricks. Broken wands. Destruction was everywhere, down and around each pathway I would have walked through to get to a class. My eyes skimmed past the Charms corridor. That room held so many memories. That was where Sebastian and I had first met, where he had told me that he had never seen and English girl so pretty. I remembered blushing at the time, but cheekily correcting him, because I was French, not English. The memory flowered in my chest and I sped up. My friends. My friends. I had to find my friends.

 

Skirting around another corner I only just dodged a burst of black magic, wincing as it brushed past my ear. A deatheater – I recognised him from mother’s ball – he was advancing on a terrified looking Gryffindor boy, who was quiet obviously wandless.  
“Move!” I ordered the man - yes, actually ordered, me, Eleanor Dubious, ordered someone, an evil someone, to obey me. Though I only got a sneer and a laugh I shrugged at the Gryffindor boy. Spinning on my heel I flung a repelling curse at the one remaining window. A sick sense of satisfaction grew in me as the glass spattered down on him. But as he fell – Merlin – I could see Sebastian! I could see Ahar and Natasha! I could see them, they were right there!  
“Here,” I thrust my wand in to the young boy’s hand. His look of joy reminded me so much of Saamir, which is exactly why I had given it to him in the first place.  
“What about you?” he asked, looking rather concerned.  
“I don’t need it anymore,” I told him with a grin, and before he could argue, I was sprinting and sprinting and sprinting-

 

“Seb! Seb! Sebastian!” I cheered, whooping to myself as I reached him, my heart almost flying out of my chest, my feet almost flying from the pavement.  
“Eleanor?” he turned around, his face a jumble of unreadable emotions. Natasha and Ahar were still fighting, but when he said my name, they jumped round. They didn’t – Why did they look so – Weren’t they worried about me? Why were they so horrified?

 

“Stop!” a fourth voice called.

 

And then I saw her.

 

My mother.

 

My mama.

 

And

 

a

 

flash

 

of

 

green

 

light


	41. Chapter 11 - Eleanor

You wake. 

You're not sure how long you've been asleep, but it feels like years. Bit by bit you uncurl your fingers from your fists, then run your palms across the surface beneath you. Smooth, but worn in places - a wooden floor. You open your eyes but have to squint - all the light around you threatens to blind you, but after a few moments, you adjust to it. Finally, it feels safe to lift yourself off of your front, into a kneeling position. Muffled, but only slightly, you can hear a piano and violin duet being played. It's beautiful. It reminds you of Sebastian and Ahar, how they would play together whilst you and Natasha sung along, taking it in turns to swap partners with Elspeth and Saamir. Where are they? Where are you?

When your eyes have adjusted to the light, you find yourself surrounded by a familiar four walls. Of course, you know this place, it is your very own family's ballroom. You've spent almost all your life dancing across this floor, hosting parties with your friends, even having large Christmas dinners. But someone has redecorated - the once purple walls are white, and the curtains covering the windows have all been pulled back. Strangely, you can't see out of the window, but this somehow makes sense to you.   
"Eleanor, we've waited for you," a familiar voice calls out across the room. Standing now, you turn around to see two men - one young, one old. Both smile at you, the youngest even waves. Your heart leaps in your chest. They look like the spitting image of each other... And Ahar.  
"Uncle Sahir, Saamir," you can hear your own voice before you process it's coming from your mouth, "but you're both..."  
"Dead?" Mr Das smiles at you, "yes, Eleanor, we are departed. But you are too."

A wind as sharp as a whistle begins to blow and the windows around the room slam shut. Seconds later, the curtains snap back together, removing much of the light from the room. Soon, all you can see is the faint glow emitting from Mr Das, Saamir and yourself.   
"Where are we, Ellie?" Saamir chirps to you, his beautiful brown eyes lit up in excitement. You glance around, confused, but the room is still the same.   
"Um... My house?" you raise an eyebrow at him. How could he not know? After all the summers they spent here together with the others?   
"Which room?" he clapped excitedly, looking around himself in awe. Mr Das held up a hand to him as a gesture of instigating silence. Then, he looks to you.   
"This is Eleanor's personal dream realm. It is not for us to know what she does and doesn't see here." Mr Das tells his son. He blushes, but nods in respect. You have other things on your mind.   
"I'm dead?" You ask, but it feels so obvious. You feel... Lighter. Calmer. Like you could float on nothing but air. All you remember is your friends, running towards your friends, seeing your friends, reaching for your friends - then green. Green light. And then... you were gone. 

"There is nothing you can do to reverse it, Eleanor. I know that's what you're thinking," Mr Das places his hand on your shoulder. The weight of it rocks you, and so you grab his arm to steady yourself. You're dead. Yes... You remember it now. Green light. The killing curse. There was no way you could've survived that. But, it was painless, it was quick. And now... You were here. Wherever 'here' was.   
"Where are we?" you think, but your lips form the words too. Mr Das smiles at you and guides you to sit down on a seat you hadn't seen before. Saamir spins around in circles, in peels of laughter. You notice a German Shepard running around and around his legs.   
"We are in between, Eleanor. In between the mortal world, and the beyond. But you can't stay here for long. We've come to collect you," Mr Das nods to Saamir, who was now lying on his back, with the dog's head on his stomach. You recognise it now.  
"Einstien! That's Ahar's old dog, Einstien! He died when we were in fifth year, right?" you ask Mr Das excitedly, and he give you a nod. Suddenly, the dog - Einstien - bounds up to you, licking your face and hands, pawing at your lap. You laugh, and feel yourself growing lighter again, as the room brightens. Once the dog moved away again, the brightness begins to dull. 

"But..." you frown, looking around you at this peculiar shadow of home, "Elspeth. With Mama and Papa... Well..."  
"You would have no custody over her if you returned, Eleanor. You would be a ghost. Only a fragment, a whisper of who you used to be. You would watch the world move on, your loved ones two. You would be conscious forever. Never dead, but never alive," Mr Das explains to you carefully. It makes you feel dizzy, and you shake your head to process the information. Elspeth. All alone. No mother, no father, no sister to look after her.   
"I can't leave her, Uncle Sahir, she's only six!" you feel like crying, but the tears don't seem to come now. Mr Das shakes his head at you.   
"Elspeth will be safe with the one you trust the most. He will protect her."   
"Sebastian," you murmur. Mr Das nods, then stands up, hands in his pockets.   
"Dance with me, please, Eleanor," he holds his arm out to you in the formal way you've always known. The gesture makes you think of Sebastian taking your arm at the Yule Ball, the prettiest boy and the ugliest girl, taking to the floor together. How people had stared at you both. How, for once in your life, you hadn't cared what people thought of you. Sebastian. Of course he would look after Elspeth. Of course. 

"What about Sebastian?" you find yourself asking, as Mr Das bows to you, and you curtsey. He takes your hand in his, and places the other on your side. Once you're in position, the music picks up, and you begin to step, two, step, two, around the floor.   
"Sebastian has my dear son Ahar, and the blessing that is Natasha," he shrugs lightly, a smile on his face and he leads the dance, "and of course, his Babushka will always be there for him."   
"But what about Ahar? He's just lost you, and Saamir, and now me too... And Merlin, Tasha! I promised her we'd find her muggle family! I can't leave them, they all need help and I-"   
"Eleanor," Mr Das stops suddenly and holds you tightly to his chest. You get the feeling he may also want to cry, "it isn't selfish to leave. You deserve to leave. I promise you, they will all be okay."   
"Mr Das," you cry into his chest, but say no more. He is right. You have to leave. 

The music grows louder and louder, the room brighter and brighter. Saamir runs to you, Einstien at his heels, and throws an arm around your shoulder. The room is spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning...


	42. chapter 11 - Sebastain

The flash of green and the thud of her body hitting against the floor was when I first had the thought that Eleanor was dead. 

Rage. That’s all I felt when my eyes turned to see Ellie’s mother standing shocked and distraught, it wasn’t fair she doesn’t get to be distraught, she was never a mother, not if she’d let this happen! 

“How could you let this happen!” I screamed at her, but really it was my feelings pouring out for once. I’ve never felt more vulnerable than when the thud of Ellie’s now lifeless body shook the ground beneath me. Ellie’s mum didn’t reply, she blinked at me. She was accepting her fate and in any other circumstance I would have stopped. Murder isn’t what I stand for but I raised my wand anyway. My hands steady despite what I was about to do. I need to rid the world of this vermin. How dare she stand and cry like it isn’t all her fault.  

I could hear Natasha and Jon calling out to me but their voices were blurred against the ringing in my ears, I knew I had to kill her. I didn’t think the urge would be this wild but she needs to die, die for putting a whole in my heart. Die for killing a innocent and defenceless girl.

And I did it.

A flash of green, 

A angry shout from Natasha,

Another thud to the floor,

Another Dubois dead.

I ran to Ellie’s body and flung myself on her, shaking her, wanting her to wake up. It was a joke, a sick, sick joke. She needed to wake up, I need her. She promised she wouldn’t go, she promised.  My cries were loud as everyone fled to watch Harry Potter fight with Voldermort for a final time. But I couldn’t care less, I had to wake Ellie up.  Natasha was the first to attempt to comfort me. She sat besides Ellie’s body and spoke softly.

”C-couldn’t she just- you know - come back as a ghost?” She spoke with confused defeat.

I shook my head rolling my eyes and stared at Natasha, “Don’t be so stupid! Have you never read a single fucking school book in your life!” I sneered and I felt instantly guilty when she looked down sniffling before standing and walking away.  I turned my attention back to Ellie, I needed to help her wake up.

I patted her body down, searching for something I don’t even know what, something to help? I tried to take her wand but there wasn’t one? 

“Where the fuck is Ellie’s wand!” I screamed, shuddering with rage and disbelief

“Her fucking wand! WHY DIDN'T SHE HAVE HER WAND!” I sobbed harder, clutching to her body when Jon and Ahar advanced on me.

Jon peeled me away, but I tried to stay on her body, I wanted to stay with her, I didn’t want to accept her death. I couldn’t. She’s going to come back. I was exhausted and fell against Jons’ hold. He engulfed me in a hug but I didn’t hug back, how could I? He took me away from her, I needed to be with her, she needed to know I’ll fight for her.

“Sebastian...” he sighed when I buried my head in his shoulder, “She’s dead. There’s nothing you can do. What about Natasha and Ahar, they need you!” He whispered, stroking my messy hair.

“You know who needed me? Ellie. I was too busy, saving the fucking lot of you when she needed me! She needed me and I wasn’t there!” I hit his chest, glaring at him. Jon’s mouth when down as he frowned.

“You know that’s not true, so don’t try and blame the people who care about you for her death! Sebby, she didn’t even have her wand...” 

I pushed away from him, my eyes filled with anger, “Never fucking suggest such a thing again McCarthy! It wasn’t her fault!” 

“No- Sebastian I didn’t say-“ he tried to speak, but I didn’t listen. How dare he even suggest such a ridiculous thing?

I broke down crying, my body shaking. 

“How dare you! You were supposed to be different! How can I love someone who’d blame her?"

“Seb- you’re not listening to me, I’d nev-“ he reached out to touch me but I visibly flinched. 

“Don’t touch me! Stay away!”  
He looked pained but I didn’t care. I had no room for love when the person I loved the most was dead. Jon turned away, and sighed muttering, ”I’m not going to wait for you forever Sebastian. I’m tired of waiting.” and he walked away. That almost broke my heart, but it was already shattered. Ellie is dead. 

People started to clap and cheer and I knew that Voldemort must have been defeated and the war won. It didn’t matter to me all that mattered was my best friend is dead. 

I turned around to see a angry Natasha stomping towards me. 

“Sebastian! Get a hold of yourself!” She sneered. 

“Ellie is dead! How am I supposed to get a hold of myself? She’s gone, Natasha!” I sighed, too depressed to care.

”I know she’s fucking dead! I watched her die, just like you! You don’t have the right to sit here and break down, Ellie wasn’t just your friend, she was mine and Ahar's too! Hell, she was even Sefina's!” She roared pushing her fingers in my chest. ”You’re too busy acting like Ellie only mattered to you!”  

“Don’t you even dare, Natasha she ,was the light of my life!” I sneered, glaring at her like she was vermin.

”Why did you murder her mother? What about Elspeth? Who’s going to look after her now? Don’t claim to care so much about her when you spent the last months of her life annoyed at her because she wouldn’t join an army! She joined that army, and now she's dead!” Natasha screamed hysterically. I was about to unleash my reply but Ahar came over and stood in the middle of us.

”Please don’t fight... it’s not what she would have wanted.” He spoke calmly and Natasha and myself kept glaring at each other before both of out tempers softened as well as our gaze as we sandwich hugged Ahar. He squeeze us in a comforting manner and we cried soft apologies. Jon is gone, Ellie is dead and... The war is over.


	43. Chapter 11 - Ahar

Ellie was dead. Smiling, laughing, breathing, living Ellie… Was dead. Natasha’s blood curdling scream began as her body slammed to the floor. No. No more, no more, no more people could die. Without thinking I span round and threw a leg-locker curse at the person stood behind me, who had thrown the spell. I knew what I had to do. For my lost family, for all the lost, beginning with Myrtle, again with Cedric and ending with Eleanor.

Thorfinn Rowle. I advanced on him as he struggled – crying – on the ground. Thorfinn Rowle. He had been in my Arithmancy class last year. He had been a classmate. Someone to have a laugh with. He had killed Ellie. Our Ellie.  
“Ahar – please –“ He coughed and spluttered at me, tears streaming down his cheeks, “I didn’t mean – I’d never – No, no, no Ahar, please,” he begged as I raised my wand at his face. My insides lurched at the thought of her body hitting the ground again.  
“Avada Kedavra,” I murmured under my breath, looking away as he gave a last tearful yelp. I coughed heavily, willing myself not to vomit, and turned around, raising my wand again.

It was almost silent now. Those who remained were running for the main courtyard, whooping and cheering about Harry Potter, who was apparently now full on duelling Voldemort outside. Meanwhile, Sebastian clutched hold of Ellie’s lifeless body, shouting and crying at her to wake up. The sight of him opened my own emotional wounds… Crying, I approached Natasha, who seemed to be watching someone run away. Once I reached her, she fell against my chest and we held each other, letting the tears spill out. There were no words. There would never, ever be any words for what had just happened to us – to Ellie.

Seconds later, Sebastian began to scream louder, swearing about how Ellie didn’t have her wand, that her wand was gone. It broke my heart that he thought she would’ve been able to defend herself even if she had had it on her… But I knew we had to get Sebastian away from her body, before he could do himself any more damage.  
“I’ll – I’ll – I’ll get Ellie,” I murmured to Natasha, kissing her atop the head. Then, I let her go and moved forward, my legs shaking beneath me. I locked eyes with Jon and he gave me a sad nod, apologising again and again with his pitying look, a few tears streaking down his own cheeks. Together, we approached Seb. In a swift movement, Jon had wrapped Sebastian’s once proud, now sunken body with his own. 

Ellie. Eleanor. Her thick afro fanned out about her, a beautiful black halo. Deep brown eyes stared lifelessly back up at me, her mouth hanging open in an awful half-grin, half-scream. Already, her dark skin was growing pale. Our Eleanor. The girl who loved anything in sunflower yellow. The girl who had a little gap between her front teeth. The girl who was always the first person to hold me when I cried. The girl I could always confide in when I had a crush, or when I’d done badly on a test, or when I was worried about Sebastian or Nastasha. Eleanor was dead, just a lifeless body, a shadow of the loyal, trustworthy, beautiful Hufflepuff we once knew.

I knelt down, slid one arm under her knees, and the other under both her arms. Slowly, I lifted her, and got to my feet. I needed to take her someplace calm. Someplace safe.

As I carried her, I remembered how when we were seven, she insisted on turning her father’s wellington boots into a snail hotel. For hours we ran about the garden, finding the slimy horrible things in the brambles, or under paving stones. She would not let us stop until she was certain she had found every single one. Later that evening, her father stepped into one of the boots and… Well, you can guess what happened. Eleanor cried for weeks after that. It was the sort of person she was. A protector. A hero. Our lovable, loyal and trustworthy friend.

At some point, I wasn’t sure how much later, I found myself in one of the school greenhouses. Herbology. It was the only class Eleanor, Natasha, Sebastian and I had all shared in our fourth year. Professor Sprout loved Ellie – one of her favourite Hufflepuff students, I figured – and always let us spend lunchtimes here. The four of us were so introverted as a group, even then. Our first laughs were shared as a group in this plant filled shed, with the sun pouring down on us through the glass ceiling. Here. Here seemed the right place to let Ellie rest.

Ever so carefully, I laid her down in the nearest flowerbed. I ignored the tears spilling down my cheeks as I closed her lips, then her glassy eyes. With a simple wave of my wand I conjured a blanket and lay it over her, tucking her up to the chin, like she was a small child. I stood up to leave, but I couldn’t help but hesitate. I couldn’t just leave her alone like this, even if she wasn’t really here anyway. Once again, I drew out my wand from my pocket.

Silver light filled the room as I cast my patronus, watching as the German Shepard ran about, before laying itself beside Ellie. I nodded in respect, then choked on a sob I didn’t realise I was holding. Before I could begin to fall apart, I left the greenhouse, watching as the vines grew rapidly over the door. Ellie was safe there. Ellie was at home, there. I apparated back to where I left Sebastian and Natasha.

When I appeared back in the room, Jon was gone, and Natasha and Sebastian were shouting at each other. Part of me wanted to join in, because fucking hell, Eleanor was my friend too. But I knew with Eleanor gone, it was our job to keep our group together. Starting with me.  
“Please don’t fight, it’s not what she would have wanted,” I spoke calmly, yet found myself pleading with them, as I stood between them. They shared a look, their faces faltering, then both moved in to hug me. I held them both tightly, as the three of us began to sob, deep, ugly sobs.

Outside, cheers and delighted screams rang out. Harry Potter had defeated Voldemort. In the face of everything, it appeared that the light had prevailed. The fighting was over.

The war was over.


	44. Chapter 11- Natasha

Lightening green light shot by and her body lay stiff on the floor, the thud of it echoed in my head and my shaking hand covered the gasp that I let out. My ears were wide and tears threatened to spill but I couldn’t let them. Ellie isn’t dead. She can’t be. No, no, no, no, no... She’ll wake up, she will! She has to!

I tore my gaze away to stare at Sebastian, Ahar was busy taking a death eater I vaguely recognised down but Sebastian, he was wilder than I ever expected. It was mortifyingly scary to see him in such a heartless state when he screamed at Ellie’s mother.

Ellies mother stood, wand down and defeated as her daughters dead body lay. I could see her shudders as she cried and I screamed at Sebastian to stop, despite everything I felt sorry for Claudette. I knew I shouldn’t but if you think about it, she kept Ellie safe, in a morally wrong way yes but safe none of the less. None of us know what it’s like to bare children but I know if I did ever have children, I’d do anything to keep them safe...

There was another flash of radioactive green and Ellie’s mother lay dead on the ground, but the thump of her body hitting the floor only made me remember Ellie’s shocked face as she fell. Ellie was dead.

Sebastian made a B-line for Ellie’s body and brought her limp, lifeless in to his shaking chest and wailed, gut-wrenching sobs that shook his entire frame. It was the first time I saw him let go of every wall he held up and it was something I knew I never wanted to see again. I ran over to her body and knelt besides them.

Coming up close to them I felt sickened with dread. Still hanging on to the last bit of optimism and hope I stuttered out,

“C-couldn’t she just- you know, come back as a ghost?”  He shook his head and rolled his blood-shot blue eyes stared at me,

 “Don’t be so stupid! Have you never read a single fucking school book in your life?” Sebastian sneered and I knew he didn’t mean to be so harsh. I knew I had to get away, before saying something I didn’t mean to so I looked down sniffling, still not letting my tears fall and stood up, walking away.

I needed a few minutes to myself. I turned around and fell into the crowd only to knock into a nervous looking Sefina.  
”Natasha!” She said with relief. The way her face dimmed when she noticed Ellie wasn’t around pulled on my heart strings.  
”Where’s Ellie?” She asked softly, a part of me knew she could tell for she wasn’t stupid but I brought her into a hug anyway.  
“Ellie’s dead...” I muttered in her ear, and her body went limp in my hold. Everyone began rushing past us to see Harry and Voldermort fight for the final time and it left a open view of Ellie’s body, which Sebastian was still sobbing over.  
“You can come and see her if you want to?” I gave her a small smile.  
”I can’t,” she whimpered, taking a glance at Sebastian, “He wouldn’t want me by her...”  
I felt my anger boil. She had every right to be with Ellie, to hold her, just as much as Sebastian did. Sefina slipped away into the crowed, stumbling and beginning to sob, as I muttered,  
”Ellie would have wanted you by her.” 

People began cheering and clapping indicating the war was won but I couldn’t even feel an ounce of excitement. Ahar held me and we cried together, disrupted only be Sebastian's screaming about Ellie's wand having gone missing. I watched as Ahar and Jon separated him from the body, Ahar carrying it away. For a while I stood and watched, until Jon and Sebastian began fighting. Suddenly, Jon ran off. Anger boiled inside of me, and I stormed over to Sebastian. 

“Sebastian! Get a hold of yourself!” She sneered . I felt myself shake with anger as I got closer and closer to him. It was rare one starts an argument at Sebastian. It felt necessary and he was the closest and easiest target.

“Ellie is dead! How am I supposed to get a hold of myself? She’s gone, Natasha...” He sighed, too depressed to care. His mood only making me more furious. 

”I know she’s fucking dead! I watched her die just like you! You don’t have the right to sit here and break down, Ellie wasn’t just your friend, she was mine and Ahar's too! Hell, she was even Sefina's!” I roared pushing my fingers in his chest, hard against his heart. 

”You’re too busy acting like Ellie only mattered to you!”  I felt a little guilty as I knew if it was Ahar, I would have been this distraught. While we all loved each other dearly, Sebastian was the closest to Ellie, and I was the closest to Ahar.

He shook my head, “Don’t you even dare, Natasha, she was the light of my life!” He sneered, glaring at me like I had slapped his grandmother.

I felt myself slip below the invisible line and in to hurt territory.

”Why did you murder her mother? What about Elspeth? Who’s going to look after her now? Don’t claim to care so much about her when you spent the last months of her life annoyed at her because she wouldn’t join an army! She joined that army, and now she's dead!” I screamed hysterically.

His face was full of hurt when he opened his mouth to no doubt let out a harsher reply but thankfully Ahar came over and stood in the middle of us, bringing us to our senses.

”Please don’t fight, it’s not what she would have wanted,” He spoke calmly, and there was a hint of pleading in his voice. We kept glaring at each other before both of our tempers softened as well as our gaze as we sandwich hugged Ahar. He squeeze us in a comforting manner and we cried soft apologies. 

It was only then that I allowed my tears to fall. I felt the full anguish of the war, I felt the loss of Ellie and how much it tugged at my heart. My last throughs where of Elspeth and at least we won, I smiled knowing that Saamir got his dying wish.

The war was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that is the end! so sad to see our baby go, 19 years later coming soon!


	45. 19 years later

Frost lined the windows of the little pub that stood in front of him, making it difficult to see the people laughing, drinking and chatting inside, but the noise was enough to tell him that it was a lively night. Above the door hung a familiar sign, slightly more worn than it had been he had last seen it. In chipped paint were three words: ‘The Three Broomsticks’. Ahar puffed out his cheeks and rubbed his hands together, trying to warm them so they wouldn’t sting when he entered the place. He pulled his father’s pocket watch out of his blue coat pocket; is was quarter past six. He was already fifteen minutes late; his friends would be inside by now. Too apprehensive to wait any longer, Ahar tucked the pocket watch back his coat and made his way up to the large wooden door.

Warmth swept over Ahar as he entered the pub. A grumble of complaint started up and he quickly shut the door behind him, not wanting to let the heat out any more than his hesitation upon closing it already had. The room was crowded, but strangely, it didn’t make him feel claustrophobic. People were cosied up in every corner, clinking drinks with friends and swapping loud jokes, or graciously performing their own little anecdotes to enthusiastic listeners. For the first time in a long time, Ahar felt a sense of community among others, strangers he hardly knew. From what he could see neither Sebastian or Natasha had arrived yet, but that didn’t bother him. Content with the atmosphere, he wandered down the end of the bar and pulled himself up on the second to last stool. 

“What can I get you, sir?” the barista chirped happily, drumming her perfectly manicured fingernails on the worktop.  
“Just a gillywater would be brilliant, thanks,” Ahar replied. The barista raised her eyebrows.  
“Sure you don't want something a bit stronger? You look like you’ve had a long day!” She encouraged him with a wide grin, but Ahar shook his head and declined politely. He never drank alcohol; at least not anymore. Besides, it was a somber occasion he was here to celebrate, an anniversary met with little joy. He doubted very much that Natasha or Sebastian would appreciate his drinking, tonight of all nights.

As Ahar took in the decor - that hadn’t changed all that much over the years- the door of the pub opened once again. On instinct, Ahar turned his head to see who had entered. He beamed. Stood in the doorway, insulting a witch who had bumped into him as he arrived, was Sebastian Volkov. Once he stopped shouting at the witch, he turned away with a sneer but his face softened when his eyes met Ahar’s. On instinct, Sebastian’s eyes flickered down to Ahar’s drink, but his expression of concern instantly relaxed as he realised it was only gillywater in the glass. Embarrassed, Ahar took a last mouthful of his gillywater and ordered another. In his peripheral vision, he saw Sebastian order at the opposite end of the bar - a superior red wine. This somewhat relaxed Ahar. Wine wasn’t as difficult to be around. 

“Volkov!” Ahar grinned as Sebastian walked up to him, “How long has it been?”   
“Too long, Das, too long,” and despite himself, Sebastian grinned right back. The two pulled each other into a bear hug, vigorously slapping each other on the back. It didn’t matter how long they went without seeing each other, because when they did, it felt like no time had passed at all.  
“No Jon?” Ahar asked, and Sebastian shook his head.   
“He wanted to get an early night, his students start their O.W.Ls tomorrow,” Sebastian explained, but there was something of a doubt in his tone. Ahar nodded in understanding. He could appreciate that Jon - though they had asked him out of politeness - had decided to stay home. After all, it was an awkward and uncomfortable day for them all, one Jon could never fully feel a part of.   
“Merlin, your anniversary must be coming up soon! It’s been what, five, six years?”   
“Six,” Sebastian smiled at the thought of his husband, “seven next month.”

Both sipped their drinks quietly, momentarily lost in their thoughts. Years went by so quickly now… it felt like only yesterday they had been here, in The Three Broomsticks, comparing honeydukes sweets and lamenting over all the extra holiday work they had. Them, and Natasha, and Eleanor. Not for the first time that evening Ahar felt a little tugging at his heartstrings and resolved quickly to continue the conversation.  
“Have you heard much from Elspeth?” Ahar asked lightly, and Sebastian smiled a little more.  
“Ah! You know our Elfie, always off on some adventure,” Sebastian rolled his eyes, but the warmth of them showed the loving way in which he spoke of her.  
“Last I saw in the Prophet she was in Peru, reporting about some tribal cave they had unearthed,” Ahar noted, relaxing at Sebastian's smile.  
“Well, this week, she's off to interview a Horned Serpent tamer in Bangladesh,” Sebastian spoke proudly, “she stopped in on Jon and I for a few hours this morning, though. She's with Mr Dubois tonight.”

If Sebastian felt any displeasure at the thought of Elspeth spending time with her biological father, he hadn't shown it, but Ahar knew better him better than that.   
“Do you mind? That she spends today with him each year?’ He asked, his schoolish Ravenclaw tendencies piquing his curiosity. Sebastian's jaw twitched the slightest bit, but his expression remained soft.  
“Mr Dubois has suffered enough for his mistakes, without my words punishing him further. He lost Elspeth, for almost ten years, and Eleanor…” he trailed off. After all of this time, he still couldn't bring himself to pronounce Eleanor's death with any finality.   
“And yet, you still won't call him their father,” Ahar commented, yet quietly so, not as any kind of accusation. Sebastian sighed, before looking Ahar in the eye.  
“He only ever tried to be good to his daughters, even if it were in such a corrupt way, I admit that now. Elspeth is a grown woman herself, almost twenty six years old… But she is my daughter, even if she feels she is his.”   
Ahar thought this was a reasonable way of seeing things, and told Sebastian he thought so. Once again, they returned to drinking their drinks, letting themselves enjoy the atmosphere of the pub.

A loud creak could be heard as the pub door swung open again and joyful, aged Natasha Donnelly came rushing inside, her cheeks flushed red thanks to the early February air. She spotted the men in an instant and came bounding over, waving at them happily.   
“Sorry I’m late! I just put the boys to bed, Marcus is useless at getting them to settle down,” She said, panting quietly under her breath as she leaned in and kissed them both on their nearest cheek, before sitting in between them. Motherhood looked good on her; she was as curvy as ever and her red locks, though they admittedly had a few strands of grey running through them, were still as vibrant as her personality. You couldn’t help but admire how the entire room came alive when she entered it. Sebastian offered to take their orders, then stood and made his way to the bar to place them. Ahar was pleased to have a moment to talk alone with her.

Whilst Natasha unwound the now dull gryffindor scarf from her neck, and peeled off her gloves, Ahar began to ask after her family,   
“How are the boys?” he took her scarf on instinct and folded it neatly, handing it back to her when he had done so, it brought a half smile to his face as he noticed she still wore her one from school. Natasha grinned,   
“Oh, they’re good! I’ve been waiting all day to tell you, Harvey turned the cat green this mornin’. Marcus was terrified, but I called St Mungo’s and they agreed it’s probably his first sign of magic!” she clapped her hands together excitedly. Harvey was her eldest son, about five years old, his hair a valiant red, just like his mother. Ahar smiled again,  
“That’ll be the strong magic in you, Tash, for him to show signs this early!” she gave him an appreciative smile,   
“Merlin, help me when Rowan starts showing signs, they’re already fighting! Bloody hell, it’ll be a nightmare with magic involved...” they both chuckled, the conversation falling into a comfortable silence as the two got lost in their own head, mulling over memories of the boys.

“Do you remember?” Ahar spoke softly, Natasha frowned in confusion, letting out a soft sigh as she gave him her full attention again,   
“Do you remember meeting him, Marcus?” Ahar loved bringing it up, loved the way Natasha’s eyes lit up, he remembered the story relatively well, of course, but her reaction was worth another retelling. She nodded eagerly, and began the story.

“It was a part of work, well, he saw me apparating to work, for weeks, and then one day out springs a 6ft tall, relatively handsome, strange man, from behind a bin in a quiet ally, wearing a white lab coat, screaming, ‘I knew I wasn't crazy!’” she laughed and shook her head, “it’s there I knew I was fucked. I hexed him, on accident, and he spilled the beans on how he's been watching me for weeks, and I knew he had too many memories for me to obliviate. I mean, what kind of oblivator am I if I let that happen?” she paused to laugh again before carrying on,  
“I thought one more muggle knowing wouldn't hurt, I mean, I got an inquiry at the ministry, as you know, but I’ve never regretted it, especially not now we have the boys,” she was grinning by the time she finished, and so was Ahar; he loved seeing her happy. They stayed like that, grinning wildly at each other, for a few more moments before Natasha turned away and spoke, her eyes glossing over as she did.

“Do you think they’d be proud?” Ahar knew in an instant whom she was talking about: Saamir and Johnathan. It was the same question she had asked both days she had given birth to each of her boys. He supposed she’d dwell on such a thought, today of all days. Yet, It still caused a lump in his throat, but he had learnt with time to deal with it. His hands shook, and he glanced at his empty glass of plain old water in spite and licked his lips, before taking Natasha’s in his to calm himself, before speaking softly.  
“They'd be more than proud, Natasha Watts, they'd be honoured, to be remembered in such a intimate way. Johnny, I never knew him well enough, but to be named after a boy whose name means ‘battle-worthy’, to be named after such a wonderful boy as Harvey, I’m sure he'd cry…”   
He cleared his throat and looked away from his friend.  
“As for Saamir… He would be thrilled to have someone named after him, especially Rowan, he's so curious and willing to learn... Saamir would have love to watch him thrive.”   
They shared a teary smile, and he rested his hand over her knuckles reassuringly

When it came to the boys names, he had been surprised on both occasions. A post-birth Natasha, holding a newborn baby boy and telling the midwife his name was ‘Harvey Jonathan Watts’ filled Ahar with grief. As great as Marcus was, it was sad to think, maybe, in another world, it would have been Johnathan’s children Natasha would be having. Then, only a short year later, Natasha did it again, and shocked them all by telling the midwife the name of her second child would be ‘Rowan Saamir Watts’. She had came to him before hand, of course, to ask for permission, lest he wanted to name his own future son after Saamir. Sebastian had to grip his shoulder to keep him from falling, it was so unexpected, yet so like Natasha.  
“My boys will hopefully do them proud.” Natasha spoke softly.  
“They will.” Ahar spoke with certainty.

After a few minutes more of general conversation, Ahar excused himself to use the bathroom. Once she had watched him slip through the bathroom door, Natasha struck her hand out and grabbed Ahar's mostly empty glass. In a swift movement she suck a finger in to it, swirled in around, then put it in her mouth. Nothing. Instantly, her whole body relaxed.   
“You think I didn't already check?” Sebastian had returned with a tray holding their drinks, and four bowls of chips. Natasha turned a blind eye to the fourth bowl, as she did every year.  
“Force of habit, I suppose,” she muttered, taking her drink with a thankful smile. Sebastian nodded in return, but both of them looked back down at Ahar’s empty glass.  
“He looks better, don't you think?” Natasha asked softly, the small worry lines of motherhood that crossed her forehead deepened a little.   
“He is always improved,” Sebastian replied in a non-committal way, “it’s been years now, Natasha.”  
“Concern is its own kind of grief, Sebastian. You learn to live with it, and you move on from it. But it never leaves,” she raised her eyebrows, and how took her hand across the table.  
“You’re right,” Sebastian admitted, the squeezed her palm gently, “but we don't want to embarrass him all the same.”  
Just then, the bathroom door reopened and Ahar emerged, beaming at them. Both returned as grin as he walked back over.

Little often did they speak of Ahar's alcoholism, mostly because they knew he was so ashamed of it. After the war and the loss of his brother and father, Ahar had lived for a short while in his childhood home with his mother Amal. However, unable to deal with the memories associated with her home, Amal had chosen to move back to India and live with her extended family there. Without his mother to worry over, Ahar felt completely useless, his grief dragged him down like a tonne of bricks and he spent almost all of his time sat between the graves of his kid brother and wise father, joined only by a bottle of firewhiskey. 

At first, Natasha and Sebastian said nothing of it. Both had their own struggles; Sebastian was nursing his sick Babushka whilst also gaining custody of Elspeth. Though Natasha had lived with Ahar and his mother for a few months, she had to attend many, many sentencings and trials as a witness to the treatment of muggleborns, captured death eaters, and worst of all, the attack on herself and the Das’ family home which had resulted in Saamir’s death. Once she was dismissed by the ministry she took a one way train back to Liverpool, happy to lie low and play Muggle in her hometown. During this time, it was safe to say all three turned to drinking at times, most often of all when they were together, riding out what they would later realise was the first few stages of grief. 

Over time, Sebastian and Natasha had found themselves moving on. It had been his Babushka's dying wish that Sebastian continued his education, and so he had, taking night classes at St Mungo's to train as a healer whilst schooling Elspeth during the daytime. Meanwhile, Natasha had begun work at a Muggle Charity called ‘Shelter’ that specified on rehoming and caring for the homeless. It took a while, and a lot of coaxing from Sebastian, for her to rejoin the wizarding community. She still felt like she didn't belong, even after all those years, even with the war. It had taken years of therapy and bunch of random prescribed potions before she was truly happy and with the help of Jon, she got a statement off of Mcgonagall. Natasha went on to have a well paying job as a Obliviator at the Ministry, which kept her Gryffindor hero-complex at bay; or ‘Potter-syndrome’ as Sebastian liked to call it. 

Perhaps most importantly of all, however, Natasha was the first to realise that she, Sebastian and Ahar were suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Through her therapy she had begun to realise whilst her trauma was caused by the stress and anxiety of living on the streets and being in hiding, it was likely that Sebastian’s trauma had begun much earlier in his life, when he had lost his parents. As for Ahar… in a short four hours, he had lost half his family and the first real friend he had known almost all his life. Whilst Natasha thrived and healed, she could see Sebastian and Ahar struggling too. At least Sebastian had had Elspeth to keep him grounded, afloat, stable… That wasn’t the case for Ahar. Every time she saw him, he was red-eyed, bloated, drenched in sweat and almost always clutching a bottle. Ahar, who used to wear suits to sleepovers was long gone, his proud smile replace with a permanent bitter scowl. Always incoherent, babbling, stumbling about the place like he had no purpose. Seeing him made her feel sick; she couldn’t believe that it had taken her so long to notice, that he had deteriorated so far from the upright, smart, clean and kept boy she once knew. There was only one thing for it; she had to talk to Sebastian. 

She made sure to catch Sebastian on a day where Elspeth or Jon wouldn’t be around to over hear, and lured him into a false sense of comfort, with the idea that it was just a lazy day to catch up over one of those fancy teas Sebastian always denied he liked. She started off with mild questions, not waiting to sound too overbearing, or like she was prying into Ahars’ life. However, they had left it too late as it was, not to mention Sebastian was the king of pretending nothing was wrong. He did just that, at first he acted like Ahar was the same as always, yet as she interrogated him more thoroughly and harshly, he cracked.  
“Fuck, Nat, are you sure you weren’t meant for the aurors?” he attempted to make a distracting joke, yet she continued her scrutinising glare, and with a sigh he finally gave in.  
“Okay, okay, you’re right, Nat he’s... not okay.”  
“He’s more than not okay Sebastian, if he continues the way he is, he’ll be dead by Christmas!” she sighed, scared and tried at the idea of losing him, losing yet another loved one but this time not to the war itself but the horrors it left behind.  
“What do you want me to do Nat?” he gave her an soft glare, before continuing, “We all deal with things differently, he lost his entire family!”  
“Y-you’re a healer! Can’t you, just..” she let out a irritated scream into her balled up fist, “You must be able to do something! What good is it being such an award winning healer if you can stop your friend from dying!” she knew she struck a chord when his sympathetic eyes turned icy and accusing, she didn’t think before she spoke, she knew he was funny when it came to being helpless.

“Do not pin this on me! While you were halfway up the country, I had a career, a daughter and a dying grandmother to aid! I love him, but I dont have the time to stop him from drinking himself to death!” he balled his fist up, exasperated. It reminded Natasha of the day Ellie died, and she felt all the fight fall out of her, she didn’t want another repeat of that fight. That wasn’t what she came for at all.   
“I’m sorry…” she muttered after taken a deep breath. “I would have stayed if I knew… We have to help him, Sebby,” tears were threatening to fall out of her eyes. Sebastian’s defensive wall fell when he saw his friend in such a state, he dropped to crouch besides her, pulling her into a tight embrace.  
“I’m sorry too, you’re right, he needs our help - We - I can’t keep ignoring this, ignoring him. We’ll help him.”   
An apology from Sebastian was enough to keep anyone speechless, they stayed in that tight embrace, for a while, before Natasha spoke softly,  
“Do you promise?”   
“You have my word, L'venok,” Sebastian murmured against her head.   
“L’venok?” she raised an eyebrow, and braved a smirk.   
“Little lion,” he explained, giving her one of his own dashing grins. 

 

Over time, Ahar sobered up, cleaned up, and started putting his life back together... Since those darker days, things had just kept getting better for the three of them. Natasha had met and married Marcus, worked her way into her ideal job, and had had two sons she loved more than anything. Sebastian had been reunited with Jon, his lifelong love, and they had married too, whilst Sebastian had guided Elspeth through her teenage years and straight into her dream career as a travel reporter - not to mention that he had reached the position of Head Healer in St Mungos. Though Ahar had needed the help from his friends, his father’s old employers had welcomed him with open arms back into the Ministry. Now, he had begun his own smaller department with a young wizard called Teddy Lupin: ‘The Department of Welfare for the Magically Marginalised’. His worked concerned fighting for the rights of the people that the wizarding world cast aside… Half-giants, werewolves, vampires… Squibs, like Saamir. People that needed someone to stand up for them. It was work that fulfilled him, work that he refused to miss a day of, work that made him feel like his father’s son, and his brother’s brother. 

“We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?” Sebastian remarked during a lull in conversation, then gestures about with his arms, “us, and this place?”   
“Yeah,” Ahar gave him a half smile and looked about the pub, where they went to celebrate this day every year, “we have so many great memories here!”   
“Do you remember,” Natasha gave a chuckle, “when Ellie was so flustered around Cho Chang, she tried to hide behind her mug of butterbeer and tipped it down herself?”   
All three of them fell about laughing, just as as they had done then.   
“Do you remember when she insisted we sing carols in the centre of Hogsmeade?” Ahar shook his head in shame, burning red at the memory, “she wouldn’t just accept that we were all terrible singers!”   
“Do you remember the week before I had to go back to Durmstrang, and she planned me a surprise leavers party here?” Sebastian looked to the fireplace, where he remembered the ‘Au Revoir’ banner hanging across the mantle. She was such a selfless, caring girl. For a moment, his vision was blurred by tears and her gave a quick sniff, dragging a hand across his eyes. Seeing Sebastian’s tears brought on her own, and Natasha too had a pick up a napkin and dab at her cheeks. Ahar simply took his glass and stood up. 

“To Eleanor Dubois!” he called out loudly to the pub, and received a hearty cheer from the dozens of other people in the room. Some of them looked at him with that knowing look, a recognition of their loss, almost 19 years later. Some of them just grinned, completely unaware that Eleanor Dubois was no longer among them, yet happy to congratulate her all the same. Natasha and Sebastian held up their glasses too, both crying a little more freely now. Broken hearts are never truly mended, but in spite of their loss, there had been gain. For the rest of the night they talked of Eleanor, their Ellie, and her Hufflepuff loyalty, trust and fairness that lived on through them, through Elspeth, through Natasha’s boys, and through the jobs they provided to the wizarding world’s most in need. 

For the rest of the night, the three friends joked about and laughed, swapping memories and sharing stories of nineteen years past. As always when they were together, time flew by, and they were three of the six end-of-night stragglers that were still left in the pub come midnight. When they finally stood, it was only because Ahar offered to drive them home (he had his own proper muggle license now) because Natasha had to be home for the boys in the morning, and Sebastian had an early shift. Singing an old Quidditch chant, Sebastian and Ahar cheered and chanted their way excitedly over to the door.   
“Coming, Natasha?” Sebastian shouted far more loudly than necessary.  
“I’ll catch you up!” she called back with a giggle, “I’ll be five minutes!”   
There was someone she had noticed, tucked as silent as a mouse, in the corner of the room. With a deep breath in, she made her way over to them, and sat in the chair opposite. 

“Sefina Toala-Moa?” she asked quietly. The witch looked up, locking eyes with Natasha. Her’s were red raw, bloodshot, Natasha guessed, from a mixture of tears and firewhiskey. Every year, Natasha saw her here, and every year, she prepared herself for this conversation.   
“It’s her birthday today,” she spoke suddenly, her voice hoarse and raw, “Ellie. It’s her birthday today. She’s supposed to be thirty seven today. And she’s not.”   
Natasha took the glass Sefina was holding and put in on the table behind her, not once breaking eye contact with Sefina.   
“I know,” Natasha replied calmly, “it’s not fair, is it?”   
“No,” Sefina’s lip trembled and fresh tears streamed down her cheeks, “it’s not fair.”   
They sat in silence for a moment, before she spoke again.   
“I really did love her, Natasha, I really did,” Sefina nodded more to herself than to Natasha, “I have Melody, now, and I love her too. But I’m not sure I love her as much as I loved Ellie, and I’m not sure she loves me as much as she loved Johnathan.”   
“That’s okay,” Natasha reassured her, resting her hand on top of Sefina’s, “Ellie would want you both to be happy, and so would Johnathan.”  
“Yeah,” Sefina nodded again, “yeah, they would. Happy birthday, Ellie.   
“Happy birthday Ellie,” Natasha agreed. 

Silence fell between them for a few minutes. After she was sure Sefina had nothing else she wanted to say, Natasha did as she did every year, here, on Ellie’s birthday, and text Melody to come and pick up her wife. It was okay - she did the same for Melody on Johnathan’s birthday. When she stood up, she gave Sefina a brief kiss on the head, and headed for the door. As much as it hurt to see Sefina in so much pain after all this time, she knew really that on the other 363 days of the year, she was alright. She and Melody had grieved their lost lovers together and through that grief found comfort in each other. The only other day of the year that Natasha saw her this much of a mess was the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts - but there again, they were all a mess on that day. Sefina Toala-Moa would be home with her wife again soon, and Natasha knew that Ellie wouldn’t have it any other way. 

As Natasha shut the door behind her, Sebastian looped an arm round her. The three stood, together, looking up at the stars. Tears streaked noiselessly down their cheeks. Sebastian, in the middle, an arm around them both.  
“There’s something I haven’t told you yet,” Sebastian spoke quietly. Ahar and Natasha twisted their heads round to look at him.  
“We told Elspeth this morning…” he looked at them both in turn, then back up to the stars. To his Eleanor. To his sweet one, who he knew would be watching him.   
“What? What is it?” Natasha asked, though she couldn’t help but smile. She knew what he was about to say…  
“We finished the papers today, Jon and I… We’re adopting a little baby wizard,” he sniffed heavily, but a grin spread across his face, “and he is so beautiful.”   
Before he could do anything catch his balance, Sebastian was tackled to the snowy ground by Natasha and Ahar, both cheering their congratulations at his news. As they laughed, the stars shone a little brighter. Perhaps, if they had looked up for a second… Perhaps they would have seen a certain Hufflepuff, as she tossed back her afro and laughed with them, as silent and the falling snow. 

She could see it more clearly than the others, as there were no tears in her eyes; All was well.

**Author's Note:**

> please feel free to comment down below and don't forget to help a brother out by giving us Kudos, if you enjoyed!
> 
> Any tips/advice is appreciated!
> 
>  My tumblr: starknstars  
> Charlie's tumblr: charlietheravenclaw


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